In this life one thing counts
*** filled *****, large amounts
You've got to squeeze between their knees.
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

You've got to ****-a-***** or two, boys
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

[Boys]
Large amounts between the knees.
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

(spoken)
Let me show you how it's done, shall we, my dears.

It is great on their backs
Better get up their cracks
Its good fun so nice to ***.
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

You've got to ****-a-***** or two, boys
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

[Boys]
on their backs and up their cracks
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

(spoken)
Who says you have to do it that way?

In the hood take a look
All the girls like to ****
******* is fine, so try mine
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

You've got to ****-a-***** or two, boys
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

[Boys]
All the girls they like to ****
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

You can strip who you like
Ride those girls like a bike
If their to tall, try someone small
You have to ****-a-***** or two.

You've got to ****-a-***** or two, boys
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

[Boys]
We can ride them like a bike
If we ****-a-***** or two.

(spoken)
Don't Stop!

Dear old gal walking by
I think shes giving me the eye
If its not clear, take her up the rear
You've got to ****-an-******* or two.

You've got to ****-an-******* or two, boys
You've got to ****-an-******* or two.

[Boys]
If it's not clear, **** the rear
Get in and ****-an-areshole or two.

When I see some fat *****,
Both my ***** start to twitch
If I grind, hope she don't mind
I've got to ****-a-***** or two.

You've got to ****-a-***** or two, boys
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

[Boys]
If you grind, hope she don't mind.

We have to have-a-***** or two...

It is really ******
When you don't get any *****
Especially when there's plenty
Some big and
Some small
With some imaginations,
The is no limitations.
You'll be pretty lucky if you get any at all.

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Where's all the hoes
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Nobody knows...

They may impose if your member grows
They will go...oom-pah-pah!!

If you've had the odd glass
You'll end up in the long grass
Hopefully with a nice gal but you'll just have to see.
Secretly you'd try it,
And **** her on the quiet,
And If she was a fat girl,
Then that's what she'd be.

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
It really shows
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
What may transpose...

Where's he been putting his red ended hose?
Maybe it's...oom-pah-pah!?

There's a girl called Sally
Who's waiting in the valley,
Flashing her pink love hole to all of the men.
They can see her **** *****,
Those tasty little fish traps,
she would want a few men, at least nine or ten

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Everyone goes.
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Queuing in rows...

Whether she's dressed, or not wearing clothes --
They'll all get...oom-pah-pah!

She had a very wet ****,
Now she's on another a **** hunt.
She's let the fellows ***** up, and *** along.
It was so good trying
With so much ***** flying
She's glad to get their ***** in
And she's still going strong.

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Her **** always flows
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
She's one of the pro's...

She used to be such a sweet blushing rose
Until she had...oom-pah-pah!

It was such a pity
When she moved to the city
Especially when she's ****** men
Some short and
Some tall
She's had her temptations
With all the variations,
When she's in the country she's having a ball

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
There's highs and there's lows.
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
It's how the wind Blows

They all propose to her naked expose
When they want...oom-pah-pah!

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
She wares pretty bows
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
On her naked toes.

They all suppose its her lucky pose
When she's had...oom-pah-pah!!

Oom-pah-pah!

Prostitutes charge six pence,
just to show a bit of thigh
20 *** starved black birds,
offering their **** pie.

When there legs are open
More money you should bring.
They will give you *****,
That's fit for a king.

The king was in the ***** house,
Spending all his money.
Hoping if he gives them more,
He will get more honey.

The maidens show their gardens,
When taking of their clothes.
licking their wet *****'s,
*** dripping down your nose.

The Madame's in the parlour,
Looking after all the girls.
Half of them are busy,
When they **** the Earls

There was a commotion,
When there was only ten.
That they wouldn't get any,
more wealthy paying men.

This old man, he touched one as soon as he did they where gone.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went walking home.

This old man, he hugged two they hit the ****** with a shoe.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went hobbling home.

This old man, he kissed three he brushed his ***** on their knee.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went strolling home.

This old men, he fingered four
He would have fingered a whole lot more.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went running home.

This old man, he licked five he really wanted to **** dive.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went crawling home.

This old man, he ****** six he ****** on all those fellows *****.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went drooling home.

This old man, he bummed seven that gay ******* was in **** heaven.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went driving home.

This old man, he wanked eight he chocked their chickens it was great.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man got the bus home.

This old man, he ****** nine both men and women the ***** swine.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man took a taxi home.

This old man he ****** ten soaked their ***** so he did it again.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man never went home.

the farmer always smells
he's always drinking bells
hi ** the derelict
the farmer always smells

the farmer ****** his wife
it was the **** of his life
hi ** the ***** ****
the farmer ****** his wife

the wife ****** the help
she made the butler yelp
hi ** it must be good
the wife ****** the help

the butler shagged the nurse
it was the butlers curse
hi ** the nurse was old
the butler ****** the nurse

the nurse shagged the horse
he had a big **** of course
hi ** her **** was wide
the nurse shagged the horse

the horse it had the cow
I'm not quite sure how
hi ** nice udders
the horse had a cow

the cow it had the dog
it was a real hard slog
hi ** the stupid cow
the cow had the dog

the dog ******* the cat
it had a tiny ****
hi ** the ***** was nice
the dog ******* the cat

the cat ******* the mouse
it ran inside the house
hi ** the mouse was ******
the cat ******* the mouse

the mouse was covered in cheese
out of the cat it was a squeeze
hi ** all ****** on
the mouse was covered in cheese

the cheese was on their *****
that stuff really sticks
hi ** everyone was spunked
the cheese was on their *****

Lets have a good time for a while, dear,
It will make us both smile, dear,
with your legs apart.
Keep those legs wide, while I get inside you and we'll both feel each other's heart.

We'll *** again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know we'll *** again
One *** filled day.

Keep ******* through
It's what you usually do
'Till your used and full and
Your *****'s flowing away

And I will go down below
To the **** that I know
I'll lick it out it wont take long.
******* all the guys that you know,
But I'll still have a go,
Even if it may seem wrong

We'll **** again
don't know where
not sure when
but I know we'll **** again
And we'll have it away.

And I hope that you know
If you wanted to blow
that I would help you along.
I'll be happy you know.
That your having a go
At ******* on my ****.

We'll *** again
Not sure where
Not sure when
But I know we'll **** again
One **** day

Now here's a ****** story.
I'll tell it if I must.
About an effing ******
A **** with a cheesy crust
Some people have got nice wives
in their eyes a glint
But my old mans misses
Is just an awful ****

My old man's a ******.
He wanks in his ******* hat.
He's got **** stained trousers.
Cos he cant get no ******* ****.

He plays with his banana
While wearing high healed boots
He tried to pull up his small ****
So he yanked it by the roots

Some girls flash their **** at Christmas
Which makes the ****** cough
And when he tries to pick them up
They tell him to *******.
Now one father he got angry.
For squeezing the girls buts
Don't ever dare come back round here
And kicked my old man in the nuts.

Oh, my old man's a ******
He tosses on the mat
He doesn't wear no trousers
When he's trying to **** the cat

my old man's a wrinkly codger.
He's just to ******* old.
Mum wore him out in their younger days
Now he's toothless and he's bald.
Now she's just a fat cow way past her ******* prime.
That's why my old man has ended up wanking all the time.

Oh, my old man's a ***** ******
He groped our friend next door
He pulled down her knickers
Even though she's 84'

Now one day when he saw her
He kissed her by the bin
He hadn't got all that far when she kicked him in the shin.
When her husband came home he shouted "What's your ******* game"
My old man just grabbed his **** and told him " I'll treat you just the same"

Oh, my old man's a gay ****
He touched our neighbours ****
He peeled away his *******
And gave it a good lick

He ****** on our neighbours **** one day it felt so ****** good.
His misses sat there watching But I knew she ******* would
Just from out of nowhere she said " Don't you make him ***"
My old man said "why not" she said "I want to watch you **** my husband's ***"

Oh, my old man's had *******
He ****** the guy next door
His wife was there watching
While he ****** him on the floor

So Next time you see my old man
Looking all pale and spent
Don't you get to close to him
Because he is old and definitely bent