He's Lying in a fruit box in a grocers car
Swinging with Granny Smith, stuffed his own Grandma
Rolled up at the Angry Veg, went in for a jar
After crumbling granny, a lovely pair behind the bar
A randy sort of fellow, he wants to go quite far
Things where looking up, a nice pair without a Bra

Ready to get his leaves off, his pips he wants to sew
A randy kind of apple, knowing how far he wants to go
Hoping that the nice pair is a ***** kind of ***
After he is turned on, his juice will surely flow

He is such a ***** **** the fruits he liked to blow
If he's making it with Gin, he'll **** them really sloe
Peeling back his outer skin, his nakedness will show
Once her juice is flowing, that pair will start to glow
Seeing everything he's got, but no one needs to know
She'll be pulling more than pints, his *** will slowly grow

******* on a nice pair for him it is nutritious
She has her reservations because he's too ambitious
And as he gets her peel off she becomes suspicious
That he's had a *******, with ripe golden delicious

But by now it is to late for that **** pair
He has her in his power pined her to the chair
Such a ***** ******* but he has that certain flair
For getting fruity with the fruits, especially when their bare

What a swanky fellow he always plays the field
Once he gets his wicked way, nothing is concealed
He loves fruity juiciness, their succulence is revealed
Only when their both undressed and their skins are peeled
For that pair he's got her, so she has will have to yield
Once he gets inside her then she knows her fate is sealed

His hands are all over her just like a hairy spider
As his *** gets bigger spreading her legs wider
She's under his control, so he will be her rider
Ramming his *** between her leafs a juicy slippy slider
Making all their juices flow to make barrels of sweet cider
He will have to squeeze her first when he begins to ride her

After he has finished and now that she is spent
Juices have been squeezed out, leaves are torn and bent
He's had his ******* pleasure his *** that he has lent
All he wanted was a good ****, nothing was really meant
Now that he has had her, he hasn't made a dent
On many different types of fruit, he has that fruity scent
All he ever wants to do, is have them in a box or tent
**** them fast and **** them slow, until they all ferment

So that's the story of Big Apple *** who is fine and dandy
He is such a ***** fellow it's no wonder he's called Randy
**** fruit he fancies, he wants all different types of candy
He likes the young and succulent type but their not always handy
So he'll settle for old Granny smith or if not a hand shandy
And if he cannot get a ****, he'll drink a glass of brandy

Its another blooming birthday and things are still the same
For my birthday wishes I would like a ****** game
I don't mean just a quickie nothing so ****** lame
When I blow my candles out my wishes wont be tame

Just for once it would be nice to lap a hot wet slot
Between a pair of girly legs and getting oh so hot
I would get all naked and show you what I've got
With my erected 9 Inch I'll give you the whole lot

Lapping up her juices with my fingers up her ***
As I get more turned on I will **** my loaded Gun
The chambers fully loaded full up with my creamy ***.
And I cant wait to fire it up inside a ladies Bun

But I suppose it will be just like any other day
And I wont have a **** time, no ***** wants to play
So I'll just keep on dreaming of those ladies in the hay
I'll have to have a **** instead for my own birthday

Maybe for my birthday now that I am forty three
I think you know what I would like and the place I want to be
Undressed with a lady, but I will have to wait and see.
I'll keep wishing for a **** time but hay baby that's just me

The creation of a ginger man who's name is ginger fred  
Such a ***** ******* when he had tarts in his bed
Those tarts where all so fruity they made his chocolate lead
His icing went all runny as they ****** his ginger bread

He would pop the cherry's and the strawberries he would ****
The blackcurrants we're okay they're still quite good to ****
He'd watch two lemons licking and pay them each a buck
Having all those tasty tarts he could not believe his luck

If he ends up in a jam you know what he's been licking
All those ******* jam filled tarts is the place his gingers sticking
So if you see a ginger man with all his buttons missing
You can bet your bottom dollar it's tarts that he's been kissing

One **** is just not enough his antics he'd be tripping
He would have a complete box even if it was crippling
With his ginger crumbling and his melting chocolate rippling
Some jam tarts are exceedingly good so **** you Mr Kipling

Being called a ****** is something I don’t mind
In fact it's really okay and it's rather kind
I don't think it is offensive or even a sick joke
What’s a man supposed to do without a **** to poke
Okay he could stick his **** between two bits of Spam
But he really needs a hot moist **** to be a real man
If her *****'s on the blob he could settle for an ****
The ******* of both these holes simply is pure class

There are guys who prefer a **** and like a manly ***
A tighter hole maybe prefered to make those fellows ***
To **** a bloke if you're straight is an equivalent to a slum
Or even a taboo ****** act like ******* your own mum.

Manly ***** and dangly parts are really not for me
I don't bend to hairy **** it's not where I would be
Girly ***** and smoother bums is what I want to see
I'd rather **** my own **** than **** a guys jacksy

Pulling a huge Horses Plonker only fools like Rodney Trotter
Or Blind Wizards with broken glasses like Harry ******* Potter
Don't **** on your **** to hard you may just *** a cropper
Especially if you ***** up in a helmet belonging to a copper.

I would never bash the bishop what would the churches say
To find me with a spunky hat and that their faiths turned gay
We don't want ***** clergymen who **** on the silver tray
Vicars ******* choir boys keep those cassock fanciers at bay

I would'nt choke the chicken because I don't think I could
But the staff at Kentucky Fried Chicken they probably would.
They would lick your ***** up because its finger licking good.
And use their special wipe up towel to clean up your manhood.
With its lemon fragrance you will have good smelling wood.
Around your shaft and helmet and beneath your ******* hood.

Would I ever yank my plank like the pirates of the seas
The extention of my log when I'm on my ******* knees
My hand around my fishing rod and giving it a squeeze
Using a hand action to squeeze out my cream cheese
*** is flowing down my shaft like honey from the bees
I'll keep pumping on my rod and creaming in the breeze

Have you ever seen those fellows praying down at the synagogue ?
From their own expressions they've been flogging their own log
Take a look at their robes the bottom stained with their eggnog
Either that or they have been ******* some old scruffy dog
I don't think that they bothered their heads are in a fog
With all that ******* worship they would **** a big fat hog

So I'm slowly warming to it but maybe when I'm ******
And I can't get no ***** and its the last thing on my list
I may take myself in hand my **** clutched in my fist
Then I may consider having a swift one of the wrist
If you end up watching then please excuse the mist
I'll carry on with the hope that my **** gets kissed

Because Wanking is an activity that in all honesty all men do
Something that comes to hand when you can't get a good *****
When your **** gets harder and we think of god knows who
We grab our piece of man meat and imagine that *** stew

I'll  have to keep on wanking I can never get enough
Off all that lovely ***** because finding it is tough
Nothing is more satisfying than diving in the ****
Legs open wide will always be something I will stuff
Instead of wanking I would rather stick it up your chuff
But I'll probably end up looking  a bit scraggy and ruff

So I will keep on going until my **** is old and worn
With all that ******* wanking whenever I get the horn
Popping my sweet cornels just like children of the corn
Watching ****'s and ******* or granny ******* ****

There Is A Famous Detective Who Lives On Baker Street
He Is The Only Detective That You’ll Ever Need To Meet
Solving The Case Of The Ferocious Baskervillain Hound
On The Moors Near Baskerville Hall The Curse Kept Underground
He Looked Into A Portrait The Clues Where In His Eyes
What He Saw Looking Back At Him Came As No Surprise
Piecing Together The Evidence Like Only His Mind Can
He Deduced That Stapleton Was The Culprit And Their Man
So At Last Our Henry Was Free Of The Baskervillian Curse
How Did He Solve The Mystery Elementary Of Course

Earlier time's my younger days when I was about sixteen
Awareness of the fairer *** when I was sexually keen
**** time's that I did crave why were the girls so mean
When it came to getting ****** my **** was never seen
I thought about their naked ***** whether fat or lean
Activities in **** arts who cares where thier **** had been

If you get your ******* off making sure your **** is bare
Bending over the bed with your cheeks up in the air
Or knelt upon the sofa with my fingers through your hair
I will stuff my hotdog up inside your Derryair

Too many benders coming out and lots of ugly lags
Never enough willing girls and I could never find no slags
There wasn't any nice girls just ******* ***** bags
All I could attract we're bendy boys and horrible *** hags

Getting blow jobs really ****** my **** was never blown
Lots of *****'s I would poke but none of them were shown
I didn't get no ***** and my seeds were never sown
Just left pulling on my plonker and wanking on my own

I could have had a ******* from all of those Gay boys
Or offered ******* ******* from dried up hobbledy hoys
But I didn't want a crap **** or play with those boys toys
So I never got to **** to much or make that **** noise

Now I am mid forties and I want the same thing now
I still want to stick my **** in some nice meow.
There's only skanky sourpuss or some old stupid cow
I am still in the same boat I have nothing to plough

I still want some nice ***** I'm still in that same phase
Lots of naked ladies ****** in lots of different ways
I'll have to keep on searching until to my dying days
The line is drawn at hobbledy hoys and most definitely gays

I hate being in rotherham I just don't like it anymore.
simply living in this town it is such a bore.
Most of the people in it are rotten to the Core.
And daily life is terrible it is just a chore.
At first I thought that it was great many years ago.
But I wasn't aware of the nastyness how was I to know.
Now all I do is get upset and I just want to go.
People that where friendly once are bent just like a bow.
If you put your trust in them and open up your soul.
They'll pretend to like you but their hearts as black as coal
When your no longer useful they'll chuck you in a hole
Thier true colours are revealed they Treat you like a troll  
So if your thinking of coming here its really up to you.
But do not stop here too long or you'll not know whos who.
With people being nasty that's what most of them want to do.
Pretending to be nice your mind is what they *****.
And people being heartless and their heart is made of stone.
Even when you have been nice they alter their good tone
Their attitude just changes and curved just like a cone.
People being horrible it hurts right to the bone.
So speaking from experience its not the place to be.
Because people who where nice once are now nasty towards me.
I wouldn't really bother some people just take the ***.
With all the nasty people there's nothing to ******* see.