Kinara: Poems

Beware

Kinara Jan 2015

Beware

Beware of guys with hazel eyes
They have the power to hypnotize
Charm an wit roll off their tongue
They'll steal your breath as you stare at them
They'll take your heart without a care
They'll disappear into thin air
Beware of guys with hazel eyes
They'll make us lonely people cry

the guy im still hung up on has these crazy beautiful eyes which happen to be hazel

black

Kinara Apr 2014

black

when i was younger never understood why some people would wear black all the time
i swore to myself that i would never be one of those people
i guess im a hypocrite
i thought that black was such a basic color
but it is anything but basic
its the color i find the most comfort in
it it my invisibility cloak
it warms my soul
my heart skips a beat when i see someone dressed in it from head to toe
it is such a deep and beautiful color
i guess i changed

#black

Boyband

Kinara Apr 2014

Boyband

"thats what the want you to know"
"they're just a boyband"
"you really think the give a **** about you?"
"your crazy"*
these are a few thing my friends tell me when i talk about my boys
but they dont know
they dont know about our relationship
even tho my boys dont know me i know that my boys love me
they dont know about my fandom and our powers
they dont know how sweet my boys are
or how better they make me
all they see is their stereotypes
they only know what they hear on the radio
or what they see on the t.v.
they only know the hit songs
and none of the other hidden tracks
they dont know how strong this fandom is
they dont know how many lives the boys have changed

when i say "my boys" i am talking about the members of my favorite boyband.

#boyband #fandoms

calories *triggering*

Kinara Apr 2014

calories *triggering*

i count calories like money
200 cal?
nope i cant afford that
550?
ok ill splurge
no spending today
im saving for dinner later
whats 1/4 of a serving size?

hoodies and sweaters *trigger warning*

Kinara Apr 2014

hoodies and sweaters *trigger warning*

hoodies and sweaters, hoodies and sweaters
even in the summer, nobody questions it
a couple of times she's been caught bare armed
a couple of people have seen her scars
her secret is safe but when will it end?
when will she be able to wear short sleeves and swim?
she knows she cant keep living her life like this
but shes addicted to the beautiful pain razors give
she loves the blood, she loves the scars
she loves the pain that comes from tearing her skin apart
she loves the fresh pink scars that are new
she loves the old faded brown ones too
most people would never understand
if the knew they would think she's an alien

this is one of my most favorite poems that i've ever wrote even tho it is very negative

i wont drown *trigger warning*

Kinara Apr 2014

i wont drown *trigger warning*

should i climb out of this hole
or should i drown in my misery
should i continue being a self loathing sorry excuse for a human being
should i continue to ruin my body with razors and fire
should i **** my lungs up with smoke?
i know what i'll do
i'll balance my productive with my destructive
i will continue to self hate,purge,binge,starve,cut,burn, isolate,and smoke
but i will also be ambitious and work hard
and be successful
and be productive
yes!
i will continue to bathe with my demons
but i wont let them drown me
but didnt everyone who drowned
say that once?

Liam James Payne

Kinara Apr 2014

Liam James Payne

Liam James Payne**
my baby
my perfection
my sun
you light up my heart with just one smile
my heart feeds off of you
like your junkfood
you are
your junkfood for my heart
your not right for me
your too perfect
how can your flaws be beautiful?
well they are
am i in love?
with someone who i've never met?
a...
popstar?
no
im just a fool
a pathetic little girl
who let a perfect guy
invade my heart

one direction

oneday

Kinara Apr 2014

oneday

yeah im having a bad day
actually im haveing a bad week
no actually im having a bad month
maybe even a bad year
but thats ok
because i know oneday
maybe in a year
or in 5
maybe even in 10
that ill have a good life

The only option *trigger warning*

Kinara Apr 2014

The only option *trigger warning*

what happens when your pushed into a corner?
**** gets thrown at you left and right
you wanna beat the **** outta someone
or curse someone out?
or when you need a blunt
but you cant get one?
or when you just wanna stuff you face but you know you'll get even fatter?
well...
you take a razor
you press into your skin
and you close your eyes
and you drag it through your skin
taking in every seconed

please do not do what i do,there are other ways too cope ***, stay strong **

#triggering

Untitled

Kinara Apr 2014

Untitled

i wake up every morning longing for more sleep
i look at the clock
im already behind schedule
i leave my my room to see my family
my biggest bullies
i go through the motions of getting ready for the day
i look in the mirror and im unsatisfied with what i see
but i feel hopeless about being able to change it
i go through my day experiencing small bits of joy
but mainly bordem, lonlieness, and unluckieness
i get home on whatever time depending on the day
and i go to my room
then i see and hear you
through my laptop and tablet
and i realize its not so bad
thankyou for being my source of joy
i love you liam james payne

Untitled

Kinara Apr 2015

Untitled

Why do all my deep thoughts and personal breakthroughs happen when I am trying to fall asleep
The things that I have buried so deep that no therapist could uncover
Vaguely Creep back into my head
As a young child my soul was whole but now it is nothing but a small fraction of what used to be
I am broken
And truth is nothing will ever fix this ache

i wrote this really late on one of those nights where i couldnt sleep

— The End —