silence in the library
the stillness of the air
the creepy crawl in the pit of my stomach
mixed with the continuous pinching presumes
you hope they dont stare

dying
is not scary

living every day not knowing how tomorow will be
is much more scary

I hate the unknown
and how much it stings

If i cried
you would be here.

i wish i could have it back

You were all I wanted.
Everything I dreamt
All I needed.
IT came to a dribbling end.
I tried moving on
I tried Everything.
Nothing
except you.
You were still there

Sleep
Its all I want
but never get
I dont deserve the things I want
its self punishment
for being
a discraceful
disgusting

person
who does not deserve a single second of a puff of air
let alone a night of rest.

here I am
Ive made it
to some degree
I am proud
still rather loud
despite the disgust
the unhappiness
the sorrow and the toxicness
that once filled my life
just as much as it filled the overpopulated air,
I am able to walk tall and proud

For this is my time
for once in my life

lack of the salty sea breeze
and the  buzzing of the sweet hunny bees and the chirping of the birds singing in the trees.
getting an A plus
or failing the test
in my household its the same.
apologizing for being wrong
is a habit ive proven to yet break;
im from the beach but now i live bY the bay
i like to see my world in different ways.

im scared.
But  "I know I will be okay... "

(The quote that seems to make it all okay in the mind of Kimmy)

the seconds till sun sets feels like a lifetime.
I hear the whistle, but dont have that kick.
I feel the pressure; but there's no release

my break time, has turned into lunchtime and my style has changed from super so cal cute to what the **** am i doing out here?

i seriously contimplate playing with death. i think to myself how id do it and what the aftermouth could be.

its as if my skin is crawling with uncomfortableness.

this city isnt for me. im not for me.
i know who i am.
what i enjoy.
what is wrong and what is right.

but oftenly enough, my behavior has trashed all previous  teachings once learned. I cant take myself seriously i cant take life seriously. I am in a relationship that is remaining consistant because its one less thing to add to my table platter of life.

sometimes i wish i could just walk away after being served, but it just doesnt work that w ay. I get that.