kimin

Oct 2018

Diary of Jane

I don't talk
about you anymore
like I used to

Before,
I would speak of you
to anyone and everyone in my life,
sharing pieces of you with others
so much that people started wondering
if there was something between us.
It was never intentional
but rather an involuntary response
to the pull of gravity I felt towards you.

I used to like the way
your name sounded in my tongue
I used to practice uttering it
and whispering nothingness into your ears.

I used to say your name
like it was sacred

but now it has become taboo
to even think of your name
Every time it comes up in my mind
I have to hit the mental brakes,
I no longer mention you
to anyone else
it's like you do not even exist,
never did -
you are just the ghost of a name
that resides somewhere in my head,
collecting dust.

kimin Sep 2018

Correction Tape.

The correction tape,
Erases all the mistakes.
Which you can still see.

kimin Sep 2018

Walls

Let your voice be heard,
Walls alone are not enough,
Be selfish for once.

kimin Sep 2018

Anxiety

The sound of the rain,
Filled the silent cold room.
Thunder strikes again.

This is my visual representation of what having an anxiety attack feels like

kimin Aug 2018

I Seesaw You.

I saw you for the first time,
'it was a blessing' is an understatement.
You shined so brightly in your own way,
I couldn't take my eyes off of you, even though it hurts.
I saw how well you've work, how well you handled every problems that comes your way.
'I am proud' is an understatement.
I can't help but shed a tear everytime I see you, out of happiness with what you've gained with every hardship you faced.
I saw that you have more people who tells you that you matter, that you're cared and loved for,
'I'm grateful' is an understatement.
I can't afford to give you more than my words of encouragement from afar, hoping it gets to you.
I saw you for the first time, now I see you everywhere I go,
in the shadow of my loneliness
telling me I can get through this slowly,
in times when I need a distraction from my travesty,
in times when I need a form of light in life.

To him who captured my heart and still has a special place in my heart.

kimin Aug 2018

Plans That Never Been Executed.

I'll study later.
I'll study after this.
I'll sleep later.
I'll just do this later.
I'll see you later?

I'm free after this.
I'm good if you're good?
I'm alright whenever,
I'm looking forward to it.
I'm gonna call you, so stay just wait.

You're up for it?
You're free tomorrow?
You're free next week?
You're free next month?
You're free next year?

When do you wanna meet?
When can you come?
When can I see you?
When you're up, call me.
When is it?

Sorry, I can't make it.
Sorry, I'm busy.
Sorry, I have other plans.
Sorry, I'm sick.
Sorry, I overslept.
Sorry, I'm with someone else.

- kimin

to the plans that I've made but never been executed, to all the excuses I've used and gotten prior to the plans made, to my own self, for giving in to anxiety.

#plans

Aug 2018

galaxy of myths

of failed plans and apologies

I had this pretty vision of you, of us.
So meticulously designed,
I wanted it to come true. So trust
me when I say I was broken
when it didn't turn out the way
I wanted it to be.
I wanted it so badly, I would pray
for you and me.
Many times I felt so hopeless
because you aren't what I planned.
I placed you in boxes
when you should have been freed.
I'm so sorry but at least now I can see
The only toxic person here was me.

-m.b