A man once told me

In all of his travels

He has seen in me

Things not found in any other

He has known

That I paint a picture of beauty

and aestheticism that someone

Should desperately yearn for



*but unfortunately
he does not

"You go your way, I'll go your way too"

I read somewhere

And it plunged
into the cavity
where my heart once held you

Because every part of me wishes I could have
followed you

Followed you
to the place you didn't want me to go
because you said my path is different than yours

"We have different plans", you said
but I think I just wanted my plans to include you

I could be happy wherever
as long as I'm with someone I love.

I'm sad because I'm stuck here
because I ate too much today
because my coffee got cold too fast
because its been cloudy for so long
because the rain won't fall so the sun can shine again

I'm sad because you don't love me anymore
I'm sad because when you did, I didn't care
I'm sad that he gives me affection
but it's not going to mean anything in the end

I'm sad because I'm stagnant
because my life is moving at a snails pace
I'm creeping a long and everyone, everyone
is passing me by
with their  fancy jobs, houses, husbands
I don't have any of these things

I'm sad because I'm lost
and I don't know which direction to go
I'm sad that all the good things in my life
don't seem good enough anymore

I'm sad I feel like I always have to beg for the things I want
and even then I don't get them

I'm sad that no one can make me happy
like you can
I'm sad I depended on you to be there
even after I decided I didn't want you to be.

I'm sad.

I hate that I can't stop thinking about you
I hate that you're on my brain
I give myself reasons to let you go
But you give yourself reasons to stay.

Back burner baby
Always said maybe
Well, maybe you were right

Back burner darling
All that i'm wanting
You don't have to fight;
anymore

I'm yours

Back burner lover
Love undercover
All of this time

Hidden in the closet
Lost in the shadows of
My creviced mind

You were right

I'm yours

I always had you
In the back corner of my mind
In an attic full of "maybes"
And in a closet of "almosts"

So why am I hoping
That your maybe means yes
And your almost is a definitely?

It's 12:17 am
And now I remember:

You used to say goodnight first
And hello second
I was always
Last on your list

But I still put you first.