My imagination blurs my vision,
Site replaced with thoughts,
Memories taking over my consciousness,
Words screaming inside my skull,
Thoughts pounding against my temple,
The barrage of emotions engulfs me, yet again,
Stealing away my breath,
Reducing me to shallow gasps,
Pricking my eyes to the point of tears,
Throwing me down,
Crippling me,
******* me under the waves,
Drowning me with questions,
Why you?

When I looked in the mirror,
I finally started to see the things he loves

When all you can do is listen to Mad World on repeat for hours,
And the words hit you hard,
The meaning sinking in,
Just listening to the tune,
And drowning in the lyrics,
Dying in the rhythms,
Understanding that it's all true.

It's one thing to be torn apart by the hateful words of others,
It's another thing entirely to be the one berating and destroying yourself,
Cursing all of the mistakes you have made,
Beating yourself for all the things you cause to go wrong,
Destroying the shreds of self esteem you keep trying to weave together,
Into something that wont look as mangled and destroyed as you feel inside,
Drowning on the tears you cause yourself to shed,
Sinking in the abyss of self doubt you've created,
Burring yourself in the bottomless hole you've dug in your mind,
The hole you throw yourself into day after day,
The dark pit where your hatred and anger devour you,
Where others can't hope to drag you out,
The hole where you are so completely alone that you start giving up,
The fight seeps out of you, slowly,
Tear by tear,
Week by week,
Until you're nothing but a hollow shell called 'you'.

Why do I ask the stupid questions?
Why do I care about the stupid things?
Why do I hurt so easily?
Why do I cry for the dumbest of reasons?
Why do I fear the inevitable?
Why do I worry about the unchangeable?
Why do I stress over things yet to happen?
Why do I act so stupidly?

When you check your email,
Like any other day,
And get excited to see new messages,
Only to discover the first is an email stating that you either aren't needed or aren't qualified enough,
For that job you really wanted,
And the second new email tells you,
"Guess what? That other possition you wanted? Well, it's out of the question too!"

Every so often I let my soul fly

There comes a time when the waves of emotions die down,
And the waters still,
And you can see clearly,
All the things you've done.

There comes a time when the fog in your mind lifts,
And your mind clears,
And you can understand why you chose this path.

There comes a time when you will understand,
And you will stop regretting,
And you will learn to be accepting,
And life will get better.

That time is now

A queen would be nothing if not
for her most loyal knight