i love that gentle touch you have left for me
                             after 11 at night
when we're lost in breathing
and holding onto
                                         future struggles
i love the slight pitch change of your voice
when you laugh at my jokes
               and chuckle when my voice breaks
after 1am as it always does
                                                  when im tired
i love that you ask if im feeling well
inquiring about the last mental
                                                  breakdow­n i had
simply needing to know
that im okay
                          not what why when
i love how you call me
               sweetie
                     dear
                        love
to catch my attention
to ask what time it is
and whether i need sleep
by which its 2am
and im in love with you

i'm barely sorry that i hurt you
i didn't even love you
and now you're giving me
passive aggressive silence
hoping i'll give a ****
darling, i know that trick
darling, don't waste your time
darling, be careful
just because it's working
doesn't mean i care
it just means i miss you
r attention

i know it isn't fair
you did everything right
you were good to me
but everyone's heart
belongs to someone
and mine was already
taken

so when i call at two am
don't pick up
you're just another
*******.

I want to talk to you.
Driving over a fresh carpet of snow, this is a mix of belting Joni Mitchell
and shouting ****!! as I say a quick prayer
and slam on the brake.
Being an individual today.
Having an imagination today,
that took me so close to you that
it scared me.
I want to talk to you.
Today I described to somebody
the way you dance.
Laughing, I described to somebody else
how you make me smile
and to the same person
how ridiculous this is.
Girl I need an instruction manual to handle you.
I want to talk to you for no good reason other than that I do.
Today I worried and I clawed at my face
and a donation box outside of a Starbucks made me think of you and soften my eyes.
Easy
frightening
a little bit out of control
My legs felt weak in the shower today after months of flying me over to you.
I will give them a rest for a while.
I want to talk to you.
I climbed up a poem as if completely vertical while I was waiting.
It ******. It was hard.
Kiss me.
(I'm sorry, that was rather forward.)
You are a deep bass note hitting hard in the back of my ribs.
I will chase you down a side street, tripping on bricks,
Soaking in the rich autumnal breeze,
mouth aching from smiling too long,
and after I catch my breath from laughing
maybe I might
--not saying anything concrete--
kiss you.
But all I ask of you tonight,
all I can earnestly implore with a distant vision of clutching your hand
is that we talk.

A fierce Blue-Jay
blowing in the branches,
the wind and rain and icy snow all around.
The second day above freezing,
a break in the sub-zero cold.

But the house is warm
and I am having a smoke
on the doorstep.
Blowing the wisps into the wind.

I see God everywhere, and
if He wants to have me on
the condition that I have sinned
and am a sinner.
Well, I am long past the mark
of only one lone sin.

The Devil, he takes the lead
when I am in the drink,
or in a bout of confusion.
And I know for a fact that
some won't capitalize his Title
on the count of, they say..
"It's giving the devil his due"

I am weary of theory
and  need  to practice some facts but my theory is laid back whilst my practice is backed up and I need to  separate the will from the want to,the need to , yet can't do.
There is a circus inside me and the clown cannot bide me, inside the cannon you'll find me,a shot in the dark.
There is no theory for that and Einsteins equations fall flat as the big top gets taller and I seem to get smaller,so I do what I can't do and will what I want too but I see right through me into another identity and I pity the theory that tries to get near me..

Ugly little pigs,
hooting and howling
they revel in slush
as if there is no bliss like this
and nothing is worth seeking
outside this pit, full of slimy stuff.
How long they entertain him
with their inimitable gift!
Dirt gets a new status, dainty news,
with the cute litter working on it.
What thought passes his mind?
"Fair is foul and foul is fair,
No angel would look as nice
in such a cesspit, holy pig!"

I am your worthlessness, personified
your undesired offspring cast aside
project the guilt through hostility
reflect the problems and faults onto me
pathetic coward, you have the nerve
to blame this on me?
you think this world owes you a favor
poor, twisted reality
the heaviest grudge anchors my heart to the floor
I locked it behind you when you walked out the door
tear me down
further minimize yourself
mutilated ego
your pride is your health
forgiveness runs black
every morning I skip a meal
abandonment inflicted
the wound that cannot heal