You're my black tar,
My drug,
My ******.
I'm addicted
And I can't get enough.
I'll love you til I overdose,
With your needle still inside me.

Would you **** me in my sleep
If I asked you really nicely
And batted my eyelashes for you?
You beat me down and target my emotions,
You are wearing me down to the core.
Why not just put me out of my misery?

I wouldn't tell a soul.

I cry in the shower,
Or the rain.
Because it feels like someone else is crying, too.

Tears fall on me,
Encompass my skin,
Caress my body
Touch my calloused face.

It is sick how it almost brings me peace,
That someone else is breaking simultaneously to me.

Full places
2. Having to answer the phone
3. When the teacher says "find a partner"
5. The deep, nervous and bad feeling in my throat when I'm outside
6. Ordering at restaurants
7. Not being able to smile back at people so I look down and smile at the ground like an idiot
8. Am I breathing too loudly?
9. When I feel confident about going somewhere, but the closer I get, the more nervous+sick I feel
10. Trying to talk to someone in a group of people, but I don't because I'm afraid I will look ridiculous
12. When someone doesn't text back. So up convince myself that they don't like me
13. Not being able to eat in front of anyone
14. When I'm going to bed+all of a sudden my mind filled with thoughts of things that could go wrong the next day
15. Walking with my eyes fixed on the floor so I avoid eye contact with other people
16. The never ending fear that the teacher will force me to speak or do something in front of the whole class
17. Not reading loud in class because everyone stares and hears how nervous am I
18. Hearing people laugh behind me so I'm assuming its at me
19. Waiting rooms
20. When the teacher calls on me go answer something during class
21. When I can't walk in the hallways at school because I feel like everyone is judging me
22. When the teacher says "if you don't start raising your hands, I'm going to have to call on random people
24. Having great conversations with someone over text,but being afraid to hang out with them because I think they won't like me in person
25. Attempting to say "hello" back when someone suddenly greets me and end up just looking to the person without the ability to talk
26. Constantly feeling like I'm going to throw up
27. Playing out conversations in my head before meeting people
28. Leaving the house
29. Eye contact
30. Walking on my own and feeling like everyone is watching me
31. Not knowing what to do with my hands when I talk to people
32. When the teacher is taking the register in alphabetical order and I know my name is coming up
33. Thinking everyone in the room is talking about me
34. Holding in coughs in class so I don't draw attention to myself
35. Checking my phone because I don't know what to do with my hands
36. Knowing the answer to the teachers question but being terrified to raise my hand and draw attention to myself
37. Constantly feeling like the pressure is on me to start conversations
38. Feeling like everything is my fault
39. Being scared of not being able to get out of a room full of people
40. Being scared of sitting next to a stranger
41. Being afraid of seeing someone I know
42. Getting anxiety during lunch, so I feel sick and I don't eat, which makes me more anxious cause people will judge me for not eating
43. Being scared to go anywhere in case I have a panic attack
44. Not eating in school
45. Entering class late
46. Avoiding crowded events
47. May having a panic attack in school

Dear…. ***** face.
Oh, man, I hope you didn't get offended by that I am so sorry… Well, I mean you shouldn't because you’re like the spawn of Satan, right? So… No. you know what? I’m not sorry. You have made me say sorry to such a large amount of people in a short amount of time to things that don’t even matter.
Things I shouldn't be sorry for.
No, I am not sorry for my social anxiety.
No, I am not sorry that I said the wrong thing
And no, most definitely not am I sorry for having a good time for once.
You are not only stomping on my mind but my heart. Why the HELL are you making me panic in the middle of a convenient store with only two other people in it when
I just want my chocolate bar.
I don’t want my cheeks turning red, my heart racing, and my voice shaking like I've been crying for 45 minutes.
And then I will go cry for 45 minutes, while not enjoying my chocolate bar because you’re the one who pushed me out of those doors empty handed and back up into my bedroom where I will spend the next 3 days feeling sorry for myself, but also hating myself. For lugging you around all my life instead of letting go when I should have a long time ago. But no. It’s hurts to let go. Because every time i try to, the rope burns that have scarred my hands never heal. They’re always crying out to me whenever I eat in public, use a public restroom, make eye contact with strangers, and… just simply exist.

I am tired of you twisting and churning my stomach every morning before I go to school, every time I want to go somewhere alone, every time I see someone who’s better than me.

I am tired of you always having that crooked smile on your face every time there are tears running down mine.

I am tired of you.

                          Sincerely,
                                 the girl who you’re possessing.

I've been losing a lot of weight recently, and I fully understand why.
It's not because I feel like my stomach's to big, or there's to much fat on my thighs...

It's because I don't eat my lunch-- no this isn't a plea for help.
All this is is a chance for someone to explore my mental health.

The lunch bell rings and I trudge my way to the cafeteria day by day.
Head straight to the line, grab my sandwich, milk and head on my way.

Beeline to the seat before anyone notices me.
Sit down, take one bite and then I start to see.

I can't help but look around when I'm sitting there all alone.
Or feel the stares back at me as if I'm sitting in the danger zone.

You see nobody pays much attention when you're with a clique or a group,
but the moment no one is with you, all heads turn as if they're stuck on a loop.

And when you're like me- battling with social anxiety,
Every stare can feel like a dagger, you begin to feel each eye as if you were all that mattered.

After maybe one bite of my lunch I'd get up quickly, toss away my tray and leave.
Head bowed down hoping that no one still notices me.

But leaving the cafeteria I find myself back on a battle ground
For I still have to sit in silence, waiting for the lunch bell to sound.

When you go through three weeks like this, something begins to catch your eye.
You're no longer filled out, every breath becomes a sigh.

But even then you know you still can't help yourself
You're stuck in a battle, get away from the stares or help your health.