She doesn’t let herself think about it anymore. She has a schedule now, a timetable, something that might look like a life if you don’t scratch the surface too hard.

Wake up, call the hospital. Tend her garden, call the hospital. Get driven to the hospital and sit with Dean for hours, hours, hours, go home, cry. Lather, rinse, repeat. The only thing that changes in her life is the sky and the inversion it brings.

She walks on the sky when it clouds, because it’s more solid and sure under her feet than the traitorous ground that swallowed her children whole.

She bargains when it rains, to God or Big Brother or Allah or the deity of the day, because if the Jehovah’s Witnesses are right and their god is a merciful god, He will give her family back.

Once there was an earthquake and she smiled so wide she thought her face would hurt, stood between two rickety, heavy bookcases, prayed that she would die.

The most tragic part of her life is that she doesn’t. She knows this, knows it runs through the marrow of every bone in her body, which has to be why they all ache when they see the sunrise, as if to say another day, another tragedy .

Today she wakes before the sun and hugs her knees to her chest, sits there for a good three hours after he’s called the hospital and heard the same thing as always - the only thing that changes in her life is the sky - “We’re sorry, Mrs. N----, he’s the same.” Every day it’s the same, the same, the same-
-but that doesn’t make it any easier.

Same dingy cab, same crotchety driver, same stale cigarette smell. She lets herself smoke in here because if she’s lucky that’ll **** her first, but she doesn’t fool herself into believing that. Her luck ran out the moment she heard that shot from the door, heard her husband scream and saw all the blood staining the foyer-

But she’s not thinking about that. She’s smoking and she’s listening to the sound of the tires pummeling the ground mercilessly and she’s thinking maybe I should be that ground and she’s not making much sense at all, because she doesn’t sleep anymore and she thinks she might be halfway to insane by now.

They pull up outside the hospital. She’s always surprised her feet haven’t worn a track in the ground yet that leads straight to Dean’s room. She supposes she doesn’t need one.

She pushes the door open and the spark of hope he can never suppress dies with a silent scream, because Dean is the same, her life is the same, she’s the same and the same and the same and she hates it.

who the **** cares how
you look? beautiful, to me,
you're unparalleled.

Another girl walks away, with tears running down her face
Another boy is standing there, trying not to give a care
Two more hearts are given a little more wear, then they could ever bear
I try not to let myself in
Other then to help them heal what has been

I begin to wonder why, cupid's aim had been gone
Is my heart gonna lead through the same wrong
I can't grip on to the arrows, knowing that a chance of wasted time is there
When all along

I just wanna be with a girl that leads the stars
A girl that will help me travel far
Somebody that can light the candles, with nothing more then her smile
That girl who is ready for war, and never too afraid to show her scares
A girl that always is ready to dial, for the long talks when our hands are too far
A girl whose eyes drive me crazy, a little more each time they meet
The feel of her breath running down my chin, knocking out the sun
I just wanna girl who is ready for, constant endless nights

I walked over to her house later that night
Just to see if everything was alright
Her daddy was trying ask her about that fight
Trying to help his little girl through, the first of more
Her momma saw me outside
Hurried me in to her daughter's side
There was nothing more that they could do
Since she had sealed them away, ready to take away the pain

She heard me knocking at her bedroom door right as she had lost all hope
Little did I know, that I was what she was wanting
When she opened up I stood there, ready for whispers of despair
I found the knife and kicked it to the hall
She then jumped up to the kiss, casting out the haunting
It looks like I finally found

The girl that leads the stars
The girl that will help me travel far
Somebody that can light the candles, with nothing more then her smile
The girl who is ready for war, but never too afraid to show her scares
The girl that always is ready to dial, for the long talks when our hands are too far
The girl whose eyes drive me crazy, a little more each time they meet
The feel of her breath running down my chin, knocking out the sun
I finally found the girl who was ready for those constant endless nights

A few days later he saw us there, laying in the park watching the skies over our heads
He wanted to start a fight, thinking that I took his might
He grabbed a knife and tried throw it towards her
I stopped him before he could
And told him that he needed to end his thoughts
But just remember this

Someday you will find the girl that leads the stars
The girl that will help him travel far
Somebody that can light the candles, with nothing more then her smile
The girl who is ready for war, but never too afraid to show her scares
The girl that always is ready to dial, for the long talks when your hands are too far
The girl whose eyes drive you crazy, a little more each time they meet
The feel of her breath running down your chin, knocking out the sun
Someday you will find that girl who was ready for those constant endless nights

He took the my words very well and wished her that all was swell
I looked at her just one more time, only to find that she was gone
She ran towards the boys side, asking him why did he start the war
When he was the one that left her side
He told her that he was high, had to clue of what went by
She only got mad, to find out that he had lied
She told him to stay away, she didn't want to hear the truth
Thinking that it was her fault, she ran off in the blink of an eye
I chased her to the side of the canyon, knowing what she was gonna do
I grabbed her arm and shouted please don't go
She ****** and asked me why
Thinking that her whole life was a lie
All I had to say was

She was the girl that lead the stars
The girl that will help me travel far
Candles burn from light of her smile
She was the girl who is ready for war, but never too afraid to show her scares
The girl that I am always ready to dial, for the long talks brewing when our hands are too far
The girl whose eyes drive me crazy, a little more each time they meet
The feel of her breath running down me chin was enough to knock out the sun
She was girl who I was ready to spend those constant endless nights

All my life I have tried, to build a world beyond what I knew
I took you along the ride
Just to have you on my side
But since I was the only one the lay the grounds
Everything is flowing my way
Leaving you outside the crowds
I try my best to scream your name
But the cheers of thousands make it nothing more then a whisper

I calm the crowds and come to your side
There was only one other time I had seen your make-up run
That was when your grandpa died
I finally saw what you were trying to tell me all along
So I carried you home in my arms and whispered

Baby please don't worry about me
No matter how far I go
No matter how big I get
How much I make
How many fans I gather
How many battles come between us
No matter what happens
Baby please don't worry
I will always be there for you

The moment we reached the front porch
You whispered that you already knew
But something else said that there was more
I asked you what was the matter
Hoping the news would be easy
You told me this

Lover when I tell you, just promise me please
You keep to your words
I will always worry about you, like you worry about me
But please no matter how far you go
No matter how big you get
How much you make
How many battles come between us
No matter what happens please find your way home
And be here for me, cause now I need you the most

I just found out something, but I am very scared
Please, please don't make any mistake
I didn't want to tell you, since you are just starting out
But I couldn't have dared
I know you wouldn't let me take the chance
I just don't know what to do

Every word I heard you say, I could hear another heartbeat inside you
One much faster, as if it was just made
I was getting the feeling of something happening
But I wasn't too sure
So I asked,
What is going on, my Starlight Princess

I watched you smile just a little bit
As memories of when I first gave you that name played once again

You said, I'm pregnant