I'm running along this abstraction
But I can't seem to get any kind of  traction
Still bewildered by your initial action
And I never expected that kind of reaction

I hope it gave you some kind of satisfaction
Trying to break me down to a simple fraction
I just don't think I'll ever see what is the attraction
So it seems that there's no need for any protraction

The light that once shined in my eyes refraction
Has now obviously become some kind of distraction
Whatever once brought us to an impaction
I guess those dreams that were - suddenly weren't - by contraction

Nothing is ever as simple as finding what was ...wasn't
Or could suddenly couldn't
When you find out you were what you thought you weren't
And now tears... I knew I would though I told myself I wouldn't
We still are what we are or we aren't
I got to go now...
... As it suddenly seems that to still care is a new world infraction
I guess satisfied always  has to end up becoming satisfaction

And as I'm running along this abstraction I just can't seem to get any kind of traction.

You were not a profit
A margin set wide
Applied in sleight of hand
Applications , as all implications
Imply that we have begun
Ripping apart at the seems
While dispatches twine
Like a run away vine
In, around and down the middle
of all those dead end truths
and cobble stones
Wherein lies
those alternate routes
The endless drone of what
I...DK - is the disquieting noise
Made....when...the rubber does not
Meet the road!
All success in a business sense
Requires a bit of hustle , some muscle
Applied by the leverage gained
Maintained by liberal false promises
Cloaked and contained
in the conmanservatude
by blind faith idolatry
False pride and emonumental
Brigandage and deminionization  
Demonization and Condamnization
That spread like some rare disease
Across not only our own nation
But around the whole misbegotten world
So no profit upon us obliques
Any more than will be
visited upon those resolute parallels
Who seem so blind, walking along
All of one mind,  and inclined to
Absorb the blows, sing the praise
I do not know how they cannot see
The ship would sink , the markets close
Without them as his orphan
His common stock slowly slipping away
Diminishing returns are not his concerns
That lays more to the valuable blue chips
Because it's easy to see facts are facts
Took you and me and our hard earned common cash
To pay for those inherently smarter  2% ers income tax.
Someone has to and its not just us snowflakes paying..
   Oh forget it! they still can't hear a word they themselves are saying
  They can't hear us
Donald the DeDuck tion  
Spent extra for sound proof glass on the clown bus.

We all know
That life isn't always easy
But what would life be like - if it were?
Without the Peaks and valleys
Life would be absolutely flat
How would we ever appreciate
A landscape ... Anything like that
Therefore my love my life
I'll take the highs and lows
Appreciating the very fact
That you want to be beside me
On a journey... With a destination now
Something I had always lacked
I'm not sure just where we're going
Or where we will be when we arrive
I just know the joys in the journey
As you... My passion...makes it a Joy   
  Just to be alive
So now we have wings born of a lofty heart
Where beats the rhythm of love
So fly with me now unfettered...
... Yet never far apart
Connected to each other ... forever
By  the things that we have shared
Happily emersed in the Eternal knowledge
Of knowing you found someone who cared ... really... really cared !

And I really do know...
... That you do.

What matters most to us as human beings
Our spiruality  our family
Our ability to see possibilities in the stars
Loving animals  the smell and vastness of oceans
The smell of a bakery on the wind wafting into our souls
The smell of fresh cut grass ..the sweetness of candy
Or maybe the pungency of a good cheese
Or is it our ability to find pleasure in all these things
as it should be
Not hiding behind any false walls or lies or a disguise
Or maybe its just a beautiful soul with deep soulful brown eyes

Well I walked a fine line
Between hope and the hopeless
And I tried to distinguish
Myself
From those who just accept
What they're given
I want more than the basic
Requirements
That goes along with
The idea of just living
It may be hard to discard
The shackles of the mundane
But it's easier than wearing
The weight of a rusty chain
That stretches back
To the beginning
Of when I chose
Losing over winning
When I listened to those
That I believed
Were smarter than they really were
Who told me that
I'd have to be practical
With a power to their opinions
That seemed to be
Totally intractable

Now I know it wasn't all
Just for my own good
Somewhere in the mix was a jelousy
I never quite understood
Give me time
To find my own version
Of peace of mind
And I will try to design
The person that I am
Supposed to be

I don't know
What I know
But I'm willing to admit
That I'm never gonna quit
Searching for myself is a way
For me to be myself
After all it has to be me
Whos doing all the searching
I don't know who else
Would ever even want the job
Cause theres no reward
For looking for the person
That you're not
You would need to be crazy
To ever even really contemplate
The fine line it would take
You to walk
On your way to such a fate
So I'm taking a new path
I'm taking a new path
Before its way way
way too late

On a shortcut to
My echoes end
I drag my carcass
Kickin ' and screamin' out
That it WASN'T ME
Boom.., Boom ..., BOOM
yea, yea, YEEEAAAAAAH !
Rock bottom --down deeper
   Deeper.. ..than the ...
Cold--- blue -----sea

All I wanted ... All I needed
     Was a reason
Just a reason to be
Thats all I needed--all I wanted
   But I never seem to find it...
......No matter how hard I've hunted
   I was walking through life
     On the edge of a knife
Sharper than my own hard edge
Sometimes the pain I control
     Will take me on a hard roll
     Down the hill and into
The bottom of the deep.....
       ......blue ...sea
   At the bottom ..at the bottom
At the bottom of the cold ,cold ,cold
Deep, deep , deep , DEEP BLUE SEA !
    
     So if you're bent on looking
And you want to find me
    Just turn the wrong direction
      Anywhere That you want....
      Thats where I'll be....
.......Thats where I will be .
   Be be bebebebelow  the surface
         Of the norm
             I will admit
   It's  so fuzzy and warm
         It's so hard to quit
              Don't know.......
      .......How many times
I've tried to convince my mind
But I haven't succeeded yet
                    So now I'm ......
               ....Draggin' my carcass
    Down these cold .. stone...steps
         Balancing my soul
   On  the edge of a knife
  KICKIN' and SCREAMIN' out....
       That I want back
       " I WANT BACK MY LIFE"

I must say that I prefer
The dark and brooding
So it is with apprehension
That I accept this intruding
Line of thought in which I'm caught
After all the times
 I said it's what I've sought
But I'm not built for sweet and sappy
Then again that may.be the result
Of living a life where I was never happy
Sure..I could laugh and joke around
Having given up long ago..on..you know
What it seems I've finally found
But the whole **** thing has me apoplectic
From a way of life that was all stasis
To one that is now absolutely kinetic
To try and explain to those who hover
I see they look at me as if I'm pathetic
They are probably right
As I am a soul without control
While my eyes were closed someone stole
The cloak I wore of tin foil armor
So now I'm as naked a newborn babe
And I feel as innocent as the same
Will it last......
........I carry no illusions
It's absolute......
...... even if it's just an intrusion
  A mundane life needs illusion
If for nothing else...... but the reminder
That magic isn't just a stage show
Not just a fancy trick to cause confusion
Sometimes it's childlike Joy
That shows us how to believe in
A storybook tale ....without conclusion
And how inspiring that can be  
So for that reason I will never ....ever
Allow myself.....
To turn...... that last page

Current ripped across my soul electrical fire out of control the moment you touch my cheek with yours leaning in skin to skin breast to chest I felt your eyelashes gently caress my ear as your teeth gently clinched lobe and hot breath blew into my ear I melted into the atmosphere your legs wrapped around my everything and I snatched the essence from a passing Moonbeam  and  we  rolled around through time and space and when our lips touched Stars weeped golddust flakes upon the earth as children leaped to catch a dream that would someday arrive, i had mine and was revived by a golden haired star tear of  artisty so exceedingly rare . If i be dreaming may I never wake for my thirst we shall slake and stay  bound as one ....that will never break.

Somewhere along the line
For the man who finds religion
He will make the decision
To never publicly deny God

Now by all extended graces
There are multiplicitous places
How long the daily Trail
Where we stumble and fail
To maintain that level

As we lash out in hateful
Banishment of reason for the ungrateful
Abandoned toy car - or bicycle
When it catches the shin and then you sin

By usng God's name in spewed
“And absolutely crude - attitude
All before you even separate
Thought from brain pain and verbal stain
For the embarrassment it  did instigate

Although I'm sure that the GOD
You've chosen to see in the Mind's Eye
That you have come to respect
Will have no mark against you if you gain
By those thoughts that you project

We do carry that germ of guilt
Carry okay around from all
that guilt that was built
Into those fire-and-brimstone - - toe the line
Pulling Wings off flies that I came to despise

As I struggled to put myself through those teenage years
When wearing this cover of all new senses and Sensations
Pushing me closer to that pit of fire
Where God would burn me forever like pulling Wings off flies... Forever
Through those teenage years

I guess you might say I did pay  
eventually I landed in that pit
By avoiding the fire I've come to find
Bad for me... during that time it was a perfect fit
Fortunately I was able to avoid the fire
But I say to this day that being half buried in all that dirt was working out gives me my grit
The truth is I fell on my face so often
So I ate so much dirt that all I really learned
Okay eventually  Was just how  to  spit  

So a long slow climb up - many times over
Gave back that.... that time had glossed over 
 recognition and acceptance of my sins

In my  weaker moments - of sadness my fears reappears
And that's when I finally concluded
This was not my humanity being deluded
It was simply my Humanity - my sanity being elevated

So no  I do not push - I do not pull
I do not call those lost hunters a poor fool
But then nor do I hide behind my new power
My light
Want... Desire or any false Pride

In my acceptance I do not dare to see myself
By looking into someone else's eyes - and recognize
Nor will I fight... Those times when Jesus Christ or God decides to power.... up my life ...up my light

Then it is beyond me - and it is fact... Not alleged
Then with real not false Pride I let it be seen
That there does still exist - out in that Primal mist
And inside of me there still grows a healthy amount ...of holy fear...
Enough
That you would never hear me
state
that there is no God

And this brings me to a question
About the athiest
And I can't even imagine that there would be an answer
What is out there in that atheist primal mist
That drives them out to so  publicly insist and in a sense
To be
acknowledging an illusion

Cannot be an entity..... Or any evil driven spirit
And many of them that I know in life and on the web
They seem to carry christian all good religions values and good - in their hearts

So I'm going to say this very day that when I first allowed the  spirit that I had once abandoned reenter I could not deny that in some ways I look upon it as an insurance policy
Indeed I admit that there is part of me that would like to hide that fact part of the journey so I hide nothing I'll lay it all out to be seen

So there for my agnostics - my atheist brothers who find the need to so  publicly and prominently proclaim in ways that seem but cannot be in fear of Retribution from the empty air the illusion to nothing there
so I see nothing for them to fear unless it is the very active defense that augments
Creating
what is otherwise missing

So I believe that some of them that reject but still fear some aspect some Spirit of that in the air for the very act of such exuberant denial in itself creates.... Something in the mind your silence never could.

So in a sense does that not seem to mean through.  
That they  insist  they need
an insurance policy
  if they're willing to pay a higher price
for higher premium they will
as long as they don't have to take possession.  
   WELl..I GUESS.!
But....
What a mess.!!

There are those.... undeniable
Seemingly certifiable
Times ....
When disengaged gears ...secronize
And suddenly ....
Forward progress begins

Where static emulations
Stood frozen
Victims of their own
Disillusioned apprehension
Poised to leap into oblivion
Unchosen
Dictum setting the tone
Disavowing any or all ascension

Unsatisfied with acceptance
Of a painful intrusion
Though an invitation sent
Brought forth the conclusion
No ease forthwith the value
In hasty blind bluff dare
To not fail the saving echo
That's  emoting  absolution

Swirling like cotton candy
As it gathers around the core
Growing larger and grander
Born of sweetness in motion
Acceptance and adhesion
True poetry of love and more
Honest vision honored candor
Balanced faith and shared devotion

Fated to be elevated
At that very second
That very moment
When all hope fades
And if not missed
Always seen as a ghost
Dismissed as a mirage
When needed the most

So I'm glad I listen to the wind
Stepping aside , never in !

Just never know what will trigger
Those memories lost forever
Like the scent left on her pillow
I've tried to recreate but never ever ever
Even....came.....close
Close is the word I lie to myself with
That doesn't come with repentance
For the two purses closed locked in a closet
I share their fate we're all serving out our SCENTence.

It wasn't like I was really innocent
The trouble I bought
Or the time I spent
I don't know what I got
For the price I paid
I kept moving on
When I probably should have stayed
I know that now
But its a bit too late
That's the trouble you get sometimes
When you hesitate
But I can't go back
And do it all over again
I've seen way too much
In all the places I've been
To ever be-the person that
I once was

No second chances to get it right
No reason to believe that even if
I had held on tight
That it wouldn't have
All worked out
Just the same
Things happen in life
There no reason to try
And find
Someone to blame

I wonder sometimes
Where it all went wrong
Did I come off too weak
Or come on to strong
Did I make it too hard
To find a compromise
Where we could open up enough
To look into each others eyes
And see the pain that existed
That we always resisted
To bring to light
I don't know why
But it seems like I
Always knew the truth
But wouldn't turn it loose
To let it fly

I caged it up and closed the door
I said my piece and nothing more
Then let silence hang ......
......like so many times before

As we both just sat there
   Miles and miles apart
And watched compromise
Walk out the door

I believe each time we really tried
Still things worked out just the same
So like I said...things happen in life
There no reason to try and find
Someone to blame.  Someone.... .
......to..........blame.

I've never spent too much time
Worrying about the future
Then suddenly you came along
And I began to feel I was late
I was late
I was late
I was late in growing up
I was late in finding success
I was late in everyway a man can be
I was late in noticing
How much my life was a mess
I've tried to change
The way I live my life
I've tried to rearrange
The strange....way
My priorities were arranged
As they seem to be
Suddenly painfully
Stacked up against me
Constantly blocking my way
Wasting my day
Making me stay
Here ...Living like
Some poor stray
I never have worn a collar
Or been led around
I never would save a dollar
Or even think too far ahead
I never did let myself
Be kept for very long
I never saw....how
Just a little bit of security
Could have really set me free
Not till I met you
Did I do.... That thing
That everyman should do
Straighten up
Fly right....and become a man
A man with a plan...A future
A hope a dream and a thought
A cause --a reason
To make life seem like
It can be more than
Just acting like some silly pup
That's trying so hard
To spend an entire life
Playing in the yard
Just rolling in the grass
Letting time pass
While chasing his
Or someone else's tail
Giving no thought
To where life is going
Trying so hard to stop himself
From ever growing up
So say... NO no no no bad dog!
Its time boy .. For you
To make a man out of what
Is no longer just a pup
And hasn't been for a long long time now

I never was the kind to
Spend too much time
Worrying about or thinking
Very far ahead
I had no future
Not until you came along
Not till then did I even notice
That it was a fenced yard
That I was happily living in
Not till then did I realize
Just how late I've really been
Once I did...I did then see
That the fence also had a gate
So yes babe....I knew just how late
I am
One day you came along
And seemed to notice me
You opened the gate calling to me
By my name
So I hope
I hope it's not too late for me
To start living...my life again
Living right
And to start right
RIGHT from the start.

I can feel the beattime of  life
That universal rhythm
That sounds so right

In quiesent meditations
I'm seeking  an illusive song
The embodiment of quintessence
That'll take  me along

Descending ever deeper
I'm transending time and space
Coexistence with infinity
Seems to all embrace
The essence of life

It feels so unreal
Reverberations of every sound
Pounding down my......
Pounding down over me
The etherial effervescence
Is enveloping me
I see the sunrise and the earth
Over and over
In the blinking of an eye
Leaving trails against the sky
Fading to black
The scarlet appears
I get the impression
That I'm watching the years
Of my life revolving away
Leaving me here
Stranded in the stratum of time
Leaving me here !

Somber colors of sunset
Brush strokes - fading out the day
Taking me into dusk
As I regret the coming twilight

The fading light of my day
Is being replaced by sunset colors
My day light is diminished
By the setting of the sun
Twilight comes so subtle
When my day is finally done

Daylight fades like memories do
In the twilight of the day
As sunset paints in brilliant splendor
Barely time to enjoy .......
               ..........Before it's all wiped away
Replaced by the menacing night
That's been amassing all around me
Shrouding me in a cloak of gray
And blocking out who I used to be

would I






If
I thought I'd never know.
I'd
Know
. you
In everyway I can.

If you're just walking
When you should have run
Then you'll have lost the race
Before it even has begun
If you're still talking
When the time for that is done
I wonder....do you really want to know?
Or was it all just for fun

Are you......
....just going through the motions
Of trying to join the race?
Trying to convince the world
That you fit in someplace
Always crying that you never had a chance
All the while - up your sleeve is an ace
Are you ever going to measure up
To the you you're trying to trace

Are you ...
....just a carbon copy?
Of someone you try to be?
Or are you just the opposing picture
Of what it is that you see?

Tired
Uninspired
I just quit my job
Before I could get fired
Just five past four now
On this scorching hot afternoon
Simply can't go home yet
Just way too soon
So a drink ... maybe
I think
To maybe help expand my horizons
That I seem to have allowed to shrink

I'm so tired
Simply uninspired
Constantly sinking into this morass Where I find I'm firmly mired
Then passing by I noticed
Just three cars
In the sports bar parking lot
What the hell!?
So I turned in
Taking a spot
Making it four
Braving the oppressive heat
As I quickly strolled the 40 feet
Before stepping through the doors
I had to grin
Realizing all the possible spin
To be made of this place
That had been named SCORES
A couple huddled in the corner
Deep in whispered conspiratorial liaison
So I left them to their Solitude
Taking a spot at the bar
Feeling that more fit my mood

As I was approaching the brink of my third drink
I pause to take a look around
Three stools down
The man seems to be determinedly bound
  To drill his glass into the bartop
As he kept spinning it round and round and round
Oblivious it appeared to me to any exterior reality
Then suddenly his eyes erupted
Free flowing tears falling Unencumbered
To splatter on the bar top
Only coming to a stop
When he raised his glass in a clenched fist
Saying "here's to you brother.... you will be missed "
Then he downed his drink
Indicating to the bar keep that he would have another
Then he turned his head my way  
Looking me straight in the eye
Simply saying "Hi"
Pausing before saying
"Sorry if I disturbed you"
I sort of shook my head  
Really ... what else could I have said
He nodded
As he pulled his vision back
Attaching it to the TV on the wall
So  before he went back inside
I spend a dimes worth of my humanity  
By saying "you ok" question/ statement
You know what I mean
Niether one nor the other (somewhere in between )
His eyes never left the TV
As this glass ...again was drilling away Really spinning
As the5 o'clock news was just beginning Finally I heard him say very very quietly "bad day "
a statement NOT a question
"Me too" I said
It was in that looming silence
That the news story caught my attention

"Earlier today police responded "said the anchor
"To what may be more heat driven tensions..as they received a man with a gun call..we have Mike Roberts with the story"

" Yes Greg . I'm still here on Columbus avenue where around noon today A man we now know was Brandon Day
Ex Marine with four tours of Iraq and Afghanistan
Came to the home of his ex wife and refusing to leave..without seeing his four year old son.
When the police arrived mr. Day refused to obey their commands
Going so far to even produce what we now know was an empty gun
But when he raised it...well here's how it all played out as the situation eroded... Let me warn you just video is quite graphic.

"PUT THE GUN DOWN AND DROP TO YOUR KNEES"

The man on the porch turn away from the door seemingly unconcerned as he advanced toward the cops

"FREEZE"

The police spokesman reports that Mr.Day died at the scene of multiple..
At this time efforts are under way to..

Next to me the man raised his class "bye bye brother " he said downing his drink as he stood
"see what I mean" he said... his face showed no hint of strain or pain
"That was....YOUR BROTHER? "
"Yeah he said" I was there to see if I could help"
  A half smile crossed his face moving like a fast cloud shadow on the ground.

"You got to admit. He really knew how to die... he just didn't know how to live"
With that he turned away and was gone.

I had myself another drink
My bad day ...He'll no.
I don't even know what to think! ***!

Sometimes the hard road ahead
Is the easy way out
A whisper is often easier to hear

Than is a shout

Calculations don't always
Add  up to solutions that you seek
There are times when we are stronger
By accepting that we're weak
That doesn't mean that you should
Try to cover up every scar

Scars can be badges
Awards
for living a life
Scars are reminders
Of lessons once learned through
Trouble and strife

Sometimes the easy way out,
Is the hardest path you can take
Denial
becomes the weight you bear
That your body just can't take
A monkey riding on your back
That you just can't seem to shake
So ....
If you carry it throughout your life
Don't complain to me
About how much you ache

washing  away in the tide  lost in the vastness of the sea
Holding me so I wouldn't cr
To be





You be

was helplessly fl you
But not as an anchor to holdown
What Ineed of was
                             mine.

I been lookin  I been lookin  I been lookin..
......for myself
For myself  for myself  for myself
A poor man am I
In a world of wealth
Wealth.......wealth
I may be ...crazy
But I've got my health.....health
A penny for my thoughts
Will get you change as well

Color blind....with an open mind
Leads me into the grey..grey...grey
Fog my mind as if l'm totally blind
Watching the colors fade away

But I'm still lookin lookin lookin
Looking at the future
As the past slowly crumbles
Echoing like the distant thunder
Under a grey sky
That always rumbles
rumbles  rumbles rumbles  ruMBLES
RUMBLES  RUMBLES.......RUUUMMMMBBLLLEESS

Bought me a ticket on a subway train
Took me a trip that circled around my brain
Went right past the point
Of being sane....so now
I'm never never ever coming in from the rain
Rain rain rain
Rain falls down like everything  will
Will?  will will will ?
I lost my will
When I fell from the hill

I should have just run down...
...run down--run down- r u n  d o w n
Just like any clock will
Tick..Tick.. Tick
Tock..Tock..Tock.....Tock
Like any clock...will
I lost my will ....when I fell ...
....from the hill.

YOU DO-what you want !
Do what you want!!
Do what you want!!!
Don't need nobody
To tell you to jump
YOU jump through nobody's hoop!
Why then do you defend
Your right to VOLUNTEER
As Lord and Savior
To try and change the behavior
Of others
Who enter your sphere?
Nobody's pretending
That in the defending
You haven't crossed the line
Into the realm
Where you're taking the helm
Of a ship called Destiny
As captain of the vessel
You can do whatever you please
Just remember
If it all goes down
YOU WILL drown
In the depths of a place called
The hypocri-SEAS......
    SEAS...SEAS...SEAS....
...SEIZE the moment !!
To set a new course
Away from the path of total destruction
That leads to total remorse
The folly of an ego-maniacal quest
Searching for salvation at the burnt -out alter
Where you falter
As you utter
The ancient and time-worn voodoo incantation
" AUTWA   OOLACA     NAQUANA"
THEN SUDDENLY
The bottom drops out and  a  demon appears
The image of a lifetimes accumulation
Of all your regrets and all of your fears
As they come together
Hammered like a nail into the pit of your soul
Letting your lifeblood flood
Away
And out of control
NOW YOU KNOW
As you drift into the rift
Sinking fast as you gasp
Your last breath
Swallowed up
By the brutally cold water
Of the hypocri-SEAS
YOU NEVER were the Lord and Savior
Who had the right
To try and change the behavior
Of others who enter your sphere... VOLUNTEER
VOL-UUUNNN-TEEER......
....HAHAHAAAAAaaaa    VOLUnteeer­r !!!

She left him at the bar table
Resting there all alone
With a cold beer there beside him
And a copy of Rolling Stone
She often called him pinky
But his real name was Bic
For a year now he had been her steady
Always ready to do his trick

He always lit up for her
And brightened up her nights
How many flicks had they seen together
How many shared cigarettes
In bed on sleepless nights

But shes out there on the dance floor
Having a good ol time
While he waited at the table
Wondering ...
If he would be left behind
She tried it once before
At a party for some guy
She left him in the corner
Forgotten and feeling discarded
Without even saying goodbye

It wasn't that pinky was jealous
He wasn't built that way
He had a job -that was his life
And he would do it to his dying day

Then she came back to the table
Bringing some guy along
They sat down - ordered a round
Lit up a smoke told an old joke
Then he used his cricket lighter
To check the watch that he wore
Saying he had another few minutes
If she'd  care to dance some more

The cricket was left on the table
Half hidden behind a pack of lucky strikes
A blue cricket and a lost pinky
There something out here she likes
But she knows they can't be together
So Bic was content to just wait
Then THAT GUY returned to the table
Putting the cricket and poor pinky in his pocket
And together now they found each other
And thats the lighter side of life.

And you
Call yourself a martyr
Cause you left it
All to fate
As you stand in stoney silence
At the closing of the gate
Like a beggar at a banquet
Like a candle in the wind
When all you have left
Is your memory
And your name
For then
You will just be ...
... history
So will anyone
remember you
When its .....
.....all been said and done?.

I heard you been looking
Trying to find me
I haven't been hiding
For the last few years now...
... been here all the time

You said you think it's funny
How we just kept missing out in running into each other  
I can't see it with any kind of humor
I feel like it's been tragic - like black magic
Had to have a hand in this

I was at your sister's wedding
But they said that you were delayed in Denver
I left soon after they cut the cake and had the first dance
And then found out you caught the next flight
Getting there just 5 minutes after I left

I'm not sure if I remember
Where and when I came back from the ******
I know it was at least a week later

Then somebody told me you asked for my address
But because you had less than a 48-hour window
You had to get back to Tokyo.. you had to go
I guess you are just way too busy
Making your business grow...
always on the go

I finally - more than a year later
Got the courage to ask your sister ...
... If I can get your number
She gave me much more than just what I asked for
I caught the way that her eye suddenly pulsated
She told me that you were engaged to get married
Set for somewhere in early May
I thought about calling to give you my blessing
I just couldn't get myself to do it
I know I blew it...
... But I' kind of knew it  
For a long long time

Less than a month later
I quit my job
Sold my house and moved away
To start all over- I had become such a hater
All of my friends - were sort of glad to see me go

It didn't take long though - to know
That where I had landed
Was a place I didn't really belong
What I had tried so hard...
... To leave behind
Wasn't the people or the places
It was the pictures that I still had in my mind
That was something I figured out
Although it took a really long time and it took a heavy toll on me

I lost all Direction
Went out looking for just the basics
Cohabitation without affection
I'd make it clear - of my intentions
But people seem to just hear what they want
Each of them...
.... eventually tried to get closer
Then I'd have to try some kind of stunt
That would get them packing
It got so easy  I should just write a book

After awhile I forgot how to smile
Then it seems like I traded that for the ability to cook

Then for so long - I see now.. I was so wrong
And like you told me just a few minutes ago
That you' never got married
And that you even came looking
But everybody told you that I seem to have just disappeared

No I don't think it's very funny
But I'll be sure to always be around now
I'll be by to see you whenever I can
I have to go now- I'll see you tomorrow
And we can catch up on all the things that we missed

I didn't tell her that I was dying
Because of what the doctor - behind her shoulder just told me with his eyes
I really had nowhere to be -nowhere to go
I ended up in a bar having a drink and a good cry
That look from your doctor and the subsequent knowledge
Said that she has probably 2 weeks at the most
And she most likely will never ever leave the hospital

Now we **** sure ain't funny
And I was right when I said that its tragic
Now that we finally found each other
And see  clearly how much time together we lost
I may spend another 40 years after you're gone
Being alone and I do mean alone...
... That's the price I'm willing  to pay
Because I already know just how much
Being without you... Can cost

Did you walk a wide path
Ripping and tearing out anything
That got in your way

Or were you  a bit more  sedate
Walking a path narrow and straight
Making sure you never did stray

Did you ever look around you when
You can taste and feel the world on the Wind
And give it even a single thought

Or did you just look straight ahead
As if you knew where your Life Path led
And was that all you ever sought

Well I'll tell you now just what I see
A man in a cage who thinks he's walking free
So all I really want to know

With your head held high and totally blind
To anything outside your one-track mind
Will you're passing through have anything to show

Whenever you look back
Do you see any of the tracks
That you left

Or is  your past
Sad empty and cold
And totally bereft

Just a sad and lonely state
A hollow life that didn't rate
Enough to make a lasting mark

You may not have really been blind
But when you're done and gone leaving no sign
You might as well be walking in the dark

When you look back...
Will you see any tracks you left?

Set my mind on...
Overdrive
Set my sights on...
Horizon....
Zone.zone zonin in on me

I may never reach
That distant Peak...I seek
Where we can speak
So I beseech...you
To come back down
Where I can meet you...
On Uncommon Ground

It's because I held you
In such high esteem
That you have become
Something of a fantasy ...
... a spirit - a spectre
Caught in the dream-net
Of my wish collector

Pushing the pedal to the metal
Of my...
Deepest convictions
As I  roll on through...
... any thought ... of  you
As  something that's not true

But I know - though
Hard as I try.....
.... to convince my mind
There are no restrictions
No signs to find
Along the way - to delay
Progress... As I press

On and on on on
Rolling like thunder
Across a dark night sky

I will not seal- the deal
That deal I made
Or let the memory... of that dream
Fade
Or ever go staid

There's nothing in that void I have made
To try and deny
That there is always the possibility
That I am able and have the ability
My my my... my A..B ility..to find

That AB...solutely anything
Anything is Possible
Every bridge is crossable

By keeping my sight set
On her eyes
Her eyes on me

All love is impossible...
... in it's very existence as
A possibility
That everyone relies on
As being... Just beyond the next Horizon

We will rest in peace
All who
Like me will take solace
Caring not
What those who speak of us then
Will choose to call us
I do not live for those
Whose lives are lost in those foggy mishaps
Of Lost Dreams
Like little paper boats adrift
Upon slow moving streams
Somehow disappearing from sight
In  just a blip of time
When life pulls down the shades
That separates your vision from your mind
The only tonic is to go catatonic
And freeze yourself in place
And not unfold those dreams you sold
That sailed away  that fragile ship you feel the need to chase
Though deep inside the time altered mind
A vision clogs the stream
A million paper ships crashed upon the shore
So familiar seen before in reality or a dream
And though it galls these constant calls
You seek to pay no heed
To calls that seek to halt the flow
For successful alterations is not always what we need
A hungry soul may just be fine
If just once we see the ship disappear from site
Without succumbing to distractions that pulls down the blind.

When everybody starts listening to themselves
We might get somewhere
Lost in the confusion is the primary illusions
That we're getting there
I see nothing wrong with believing
But somehow the opposition
Creates a deep division
Look at the strange decisions
That created this collision

I ain't a politician
Telling you about my vision
I ain't a missionary
On a sanctified mission
I'm just a man
With a pen in my hand
Trying to figure out
What I don't understand

When everybody starts looking at themselves
We might see something
Lost in the vision is the depth of the indecision
That keeps blinding us
That keeps binding us
To a past not worth reliving
To a cast that's always giving
The best performance
They can muster
Still it's without any kind of luster
As dull as dishwater
Someone really oughta
Pull the plug on this crap

Let it all go down the drain
And even that might entertain
The masses and their hunger
For the latest and the greatest
The lovers and the haters
And all the beraters

I ain't a politician
Telling you about my vision
I ain't a missionary
On a sanctified mission
I'm just a man
With a pen in my hand
Trying my best to figure it out
But I just don't understand

There are no stop signs
On the Highway to Hell
No speed limits or speed bumps
As far as I can tell
No toll gate...
  ... or ticket booths

For those who speed all the way
There's just a traffic controller
Making sure your road is clear
Until you reach the point of no return

That is when your future and fate are sealed
Take notice of the three cornered sign
Three points of the trinity
And the warning yet to be revealed
Pay close attention...
...my wayward friend

Sometimes it's good to stop
When the sign simply says yield

The Highway to Hell doesn't have to be a one-way trip... U-turns are allowed.

I get this feeling
That I've been here before
Knocking and a knocking
On this same old door
No one ever answers
The ringing of the bell
I've got something I want to say
And no ones here to tell
I went and found a window
Took a look inside
Saw myself in a looking glass
From the other side
Everything was backwards
My left side was my right
And where the sun shines on my head
Inside it was night
I found I was walking backwards
Going back to from where I came
Even though I had been before
Nothing looked the same

A crowd grew up before me
But I was still alone
I saw all the familiar faces
Of people that I've never known

Then I was gone
Right before my eyes I was gone
No-one stood before me
No-one who was there
No-one in the looking glass
And noone really cares
No-one hears me knocking
And noone never comes
No-one must realize
That I am noone

The landscape changing
Like a kaleidoscope scene
As I was there patiently waiting
To see it I could find solice in
An unrequited dream
I held no answers
     To the questions
That were scattered
       Like pebbles
All over the ground
I  don't seem to know
Which one represents sad
    Or happy or mad
I don't know how to find out
         So I guess I'm stuck
With  keeping them in my pocket
   Pulling them out 1 at a time
     Seeking the one that says luck
       But consistent in finding
         The one that says mad
This wasn't the way I used to be
          Now you SEEM to be
      This way all  of the time
        Its obvious I don't know
          .  ...The difference
        I haven't a clue......DO YOU?
          KNOW WHO I WAS ?
      So I can find my way back
  Into that kaleidoscope scene
        Pulled myself out when I
             Wanted back in
      I wave to the image
Patiently standing there - watching
         Who doesn't know
  While watching me go..
..whether to be happy ,sad or mad
As they sort through the pocket
For the pebble they never knew
That they had-- that says simply
  I'm glad- I'm glad --I'm glad.

You make it seem so easy
The way you manipulate
Roll the dice
Without thinking twice
About the state of our fate
You watch the candle flicker
And see the shadows dance
Taking the best
And leaving the rest
To what will be history chance

Ever learned a lesson
That you'll take to the grave
Instead of facing up to it
So there's something for you to save
You act like a martyr
Though you know that you're a fraud
Justifying all the pressure you apply
Because you're convinced that you speak for GOD

Somethings always missing
When you add up all the clues
The mystery turns out to be
The way you pick and choose
Lessons learned the hard way
Don't ever change the facts
But self-serving hypocrisy
May change how others react

You have to believe in others
Just like you believe in yourself
Otherwise you will find...
....that you are
The only one left up on the shelf
Passed by and forgotten
Into history you will soon be tossed
Without a thought man...
... Like it or not
Your value just wasn't worth your cost

Look at the world at large
See how they all do barge
Noone can see right now
The way I see
My eyes do look inside
Reason finds a place to hide
Nothing frightens me besides
What nothing really is
Something rings a warning bell
They've opened up the gates of hell
Maybe... Its just as well

No need to close the gate
All done a bit too late
Something to set me straight
Nothing gives
Stop there ...don't go too far
Never know where you are
CLOSE THE DOOR
SET THE BAR
EVIL LIVES

Pessimism tells me
No need to even hope
So many knots exist now
Along the quarter mil rope
Stretched out full length
At one time it held such promise
Anchored to the foundation strong and straight
Passing through the Bushes damaged to where Obama's
Best efforts  to untangle and repair
No help from hate mongers lined up at the stump
One by one stepping up to make the same speech
Knot after knot was tied in our hope
Till that final knot and its *** not Trump.

It's never really easy
To put yourself out there
To let go the rung
Where for so long you've clung
But without the chances
Life has no dances
And who wants to live forever
With their feet on the ground

I've stood here waiting
For the bus to my future
I've stood here so long
That the grass no longer grows
In the shadow I'm casting
There only darkness and gravel
At this bus stop to nowhere
Where the buses no longer travel

I need to move on now
I have to get myself moving
Waiting was so much easier
When I had so much more time
Now-while I am still able
It may take some pacing
To find my way forward
Towards the dreams I'm chasing

How long now- have I been waiting
I just can't say for certain
It feels like the third act
Like they will soon pull the curtain
As my audience is waiting
To see what great way I'll be ending
So I must create one that'll be worth
All the time I've wasted and the money they're spending

Its never really ever been easy
To let me put myself out there
With all that time that I've spent
Unaware of all my hesitations
So now-without some chances
Life has no dances....
And who wants to live forever
 WHO WANTS TO LIVE FOREVER
With their feet on the ground.

All I really wanted
Was someone who needs me
Thats all I really want
I play the game
With such precision
But I don't enjoy the hunt
You come around
With your fancy persuasions
And try to stay awhile
You try to be
The judge and jury
And put my life on trial

Do t try to cross ...
....no burning bridges
Don't try to crosswire me
Don't try to cross....
.....no open spaces
Don't cross examine me

I'll come to order
When I'm good and ready
Don't try to make me rush
You know the answers
That I'm gonna give you
Won't really tell you much

I 'll plead the fifth
If you really force it
And keep it locked inside
Take what you get
I'll give you that much
To keep you satisfied

I have no defence
When it comes to hurtin
The prosecution rests
You bound me over
As your own solution
Even though....I had confessed.

All I really wanted
Was someone who needs me.