It is my hope
That I spend my life
Looking for who I am
And never ever find me
That's right... you see
I asked myself one day
If i.... I'm looking for myself
Am I not already me ?
So it is the act of looking
It seems that if I'm looking
For anything at all
It's for that .....
.......which I don't.....
.......want to be

Causing me to alter my course
Consistently degree by degree
Changing is growing
everyday
And that's how I know it's me

No one was nearby
When I fell... So did I
In  my heartbreak and agony
Make a sound
I'm sure I heard myself
In aggrieved despair
Crying out
When no one was around

So Silence hung
all  around me
Like anger filled air
When silence screams
At those...
... Lost and Shattered dreams
When we knew ... We were through
But had not yet
Come to terms with ...
.......it!

So now you're gone
As so am I
From that place in time
We once shared

Now each side exists
Lost in the Mists
Of lies and lies and alibis
And those futile attempts
To make what's wrong seem right
Trying to create Darkness
From the smallest ray of light

So now I wonder
If anyone was there for you
When and if you finally fell
To let you know...
... If you made a sound
Or were you just a silent victim
When time  lost all hope as well

Did I make a sound when I fell
If no one was there to hear
ME
Crying out in my pain despair and agony
So I guess it's just as well
Yeah... I guess it's just as well

I guess ...
...it's just as well.

Keith W Fletcher
Jul 1 2016


Be still my thumping heart
Before you burst straight through flesh  and bone
Upon hearing  words your life you never expected to ever hear
Bringing life back to a heart once solid as a Stone
Allowing blood to flow through your now coursing veins
That had all but ceased to circulate through
In this cold and barren atmosphere where I've always had a fear 
Living was just wasted on those like me who have never had a clue

What love was like beyond
This barren land in which we've lived
Should living be any way to describe
That which we have been doing
Encased in a cocoon of solid misery
Intent upon the dead reckoning course  so long  in pursuing

So caution please when intending to send any hope
To those who have all but died inside while waiting for Redemption
Are often shriveled husks of once proud but misunderstood beings
Who have lost any and all
True image of themselves
Loveless  lives lost
In animated suspension

So carefull now as you have started
Life
Coursing through my frame
No memory of what I should be
That I have never had
-Fear reaches out to grab the arm setting off the silent alarm
That screams a warning to self preserve Or you will go Stark raving mad

STARK     RAVING     MAD!!!

But death  cannot be far removed from this' non - life refrain
So if my heart should burst this day to be shattered into dust
I should take the chance
Letting
circumstance
Guide my weary steps
Taking the hand of you
Who is now reaching out
I give my all.....all that I possess...
.... I give you my trust

Keith W Fletcher
Nov 27, 2015


Deny that you try
to be
Something that you're really not
And you will find
That the downward spiral....is infectious
With no cure for it
And no serum
To protect us
The spiral will go viral
Spreading like wildfire
Across ...the dry-parched
Landscape
Slapping you down
Trapping you with the sound
Of
Your own voice
Crying out from the wilderness

Do you really want to obsess ...
....on something...that
you don't really need to possess
Is is really so important
That you'll give up on yourself
To become a mannequin
Dressed up and standing in..
...the window
As
People go walking by
Glancing at you as they go

Do you think they really know?
Do you think they really care?
About all the things...you....
.....decided ..to sacrifice
In order to get yourself here

Nobody has to be the perfection of
A false identity
Unless
There is nothing else
That they can see
Is... as ...important as
The fantasy
That they keep building up
In.the wilderness
Where they hear their own voice
Calling out.....come to me....
Come to me --come to me
And I will show you who it is....
That you are ....supposed to be
And I will.give you everything
THAT.....YOU......DESIRE

If you can grab it ---you can have it
Then you can stand
In the window
As people keep on walking by
Believing that
You are
Someone to admire
But the dry parched landscape
And the downward spiral
Of all your false dreams
Is always being wiped clean
By the spreading wildfire
While the people ..just keep on
Walking by.....going places
LIVING REAL LIVES
While the mannequin in the window
Keeps watching
From the same spot
Still denying
That they're trying
To be --something that...
They're really not
Something that they're really not.

Keith W Fletcher


Kinda funny how sometimes
We think we know what a word really means
By synopsis / definition or context
At times which way the wind blows defines how it leans
I say synopsis for when one word equates a story
Definition for when it falls more to cut and dry
Context may allow a word to be the momentary King
Surrounded by his subjects basking in his glory

So as a poet / writer I often consider  words to be fragile
As I credit them with an almost absolute gravitational force
To move mountains control tides or  to bring me back down to earth
Able to create a picture
Of love like a painter's brush
Or painted all black in a fit of remorse

Right now in this space and time  my being occupies
It hurts my soul to hear so many words
Abused to comatose by contusions
I understand not..... this Insidious plot to destroy the very foundation
Of words on which was built this nation
Once great ...now late
In seeking a healing solution

How is it that we manage NOT
To take advantage of those words that brought us here
Where people are now paid
To bend  minds
By twisting those very same words
To the point where the human mind gets into such a bind
We're reaching the end of our ability to... comprehend
Just how this could have occurred
Apathy is that word

Now with the foot firmly in the door
So many more are beginning to awaken
You see the surprise in.their eyes
As they finally realized
That they're late

I've been yelling... I've been screaming
For what is suddenly seeming
To have been my whole **** life

Many more at the door now engaged Enraged as the battle is being waged
So now I step out away from the battle stage

And I allow myself to scream out
Loud and proud

" I've been fighting them since way back when they first tried to enter in the freaking gate!!"

My voice is weak can hardly speak
I've been screaming for so long
In my heart of hearts
I feel that
I deserve a rest
I feel that I have passed the test
Truly knowing I've done my best

For so many years I spoke out
ABOUT..
...All my fears
I always resisted those who insisted
I was looking for trouble
Where it never existed

But now I think it's been
Amply demonstrated
So that I feel I've been vindicated
But I want to be sure it's clearly stated  

"I did not fight this battle all alone!!"
It's just that sometimes
It just felt like I was ?

My part in the battle has not ended
It's just that recently I have friended
On the web
Many who
Once you listen to what they just defended
People who I'm sure carry in their eyes
Those same battle scars that I recognize
In the words that they've said

And they carry scars just like mine
In their hearts and in their mind
So I'm sure that just like me
There were times I thought it'd be
Over and done
Before the real battle had ever begun
I'm sure that they could see
Just like me
A nation of people - brain dead.....
From being spoon fed ...a diet.....
Of fear and doubt....
.....drowning in apathy!!

Keith W Fletcher
July 28 2016


In spirit I'm  the Dark Horse
Fading into shadows of doubts
Optimism rides upon my back
Yet it's not enough to turn me
From those obscure routes
Where I too often find my solace
In the echoes of my silent world
As I run from my own hoofbeats
That I have been chasing
  None hears  the distant thud
From far below those lofty heights
Where I so often find
Myself  being hurled

In absence I'm an empty space
Where once a possibility had existed
Like those gentle summer winds
That moves along  unnoticed
Until dust or debris swirls around Acknowledging the air
That in my passing through...
... has just been twisted

In memory I am a faded color
Where no reference of what was... .....allows comparison
So no photograph
Or artistic rendering
Can ever capture the true identity...
....Of a shadow lost in shadow
Once the fading out has begun

In legacy I left a trail
Well worn and beaten wide
As I never took
The straight and narrow
I've always  preferred...
... to move from side to side

So  please...do not illuminate
The beloved shadows zones
Along the trail
For  these are the places to take more time
Feeling the presence of all the ghosts
Those reminders of my dead dreams
I've left along there
To haunt me
Reminders of those times I fail

But that cliff edge
Where I  so often  hurled myself
To crash below
In muted
And too often painful
Solitaire Evolutions

That step off spot
Where my tracks end
That is mine and mine alone
Just as is ...
That Hallowed Ground...
... where  I land
And where I lay... until I stand
To dust myself off.. or weep
So should I choose to curse my soul
I want no one else around

I lost you in the Darkness
The light - blinded my eyes
I find you left me stranded
I find it's no surprise
I hear you're out there teasing
Whispering out my name
But you're not going to get me started
I'm not going to play your game

I'm going to keep on searching searching
Until you follow me
I'm gonna keep on searching searching searching until I find the key

I heard you come a crawling
Slipping across the floor
Saying  sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry
Forgive me I'll never do it no more
But I know you heard the jingle
Of the key I finally found
So you knew that I was out of here
So now you want me to stick around

Lost me in the Darkness
But you lost yourself  along the way
When you found out there are rules
Even to the games you like to play

This game will have no winners
Only losers when it's all said and done
Next time... Maybe you should remember
When you are playing with someones feelings
Its not always so much fun.

I think someone's trying to do me in
I know it's hard to believe
But it's happening
They're after you too .... So
What you going to do?
I know it's hard to believe... But it's happening

The water that you drink isn't safe
The  air that you breathe isn't pure
The doctor says that it's rare
Which means that there's no cure
I know it's hard to believe... But it's happening

Stay off the roads late at night
Highway killers... Higher than kites
They don't know what they do
But they don't help me or you
I know  it's hard to believe... But it's happening

And you know it too

I think someone's trying to do me in
I know it's hard to believe
Almost impossible for most people to conceive
But I also know...
... That it's happening.

That day
I put the wheels in motion
Knowing full well
The courage that it takes
Starting off on a journey
When you know you got no brakes

That night
Down deep inside Im drowning
Among those shallow depths  of my emotions
I know
The problems that I'm facing
Won't have no magic potion

This time
can't wait till it's all  behind me
So I won't have to turn around
Every time
I think I hear a sound
Only to see and  be
Reminded of
Where it is. that I came from

There was
No way
To stop the dereliction
Once I realized
My Life - was barely short of fiction

Destitute
Devoid of all  compassion
Something happens to a man
When opens up his eyes
Looking
  beyond the thin disguise
He finally begin seeing
How blinded that he was being

The pain
Is nothing like the regret
He carriesLike a boulder
Upon his sagging shoulder
As its breaking down his back

To know
Just how much of his existence
Of which he has been s cheated
In finding out.the deck was stacked
The only  evidence he needed
Turning  suspicions into fact

To reach ....
. That day
When I put the wheels in motion
I  know ...... Full well
The courage that it took me
To just go- wherever the Journey takes
In the end... I set my spirit free
I set my spirit free

My eyes are beyond polluted
By the overflowing inanities
That paint wordless post-mortems
On yesterday's lost fantasies

Rolling over lifeless as dead certains
When obligations fall into disrepair
And the king of all invocations
Awaits power sitting in an electric chair

As darkness shrouds the uninspired
In  triumphant ticker tape parades
While the bewildered beast becomes the feast
A million glasses in toast are raised

To the jesters unequivocally blasphemous proposal
To the queen of all frustrated converts
Who Once Upon a Time willingly surrendered
To the impresario pretender
Who fooled the world by laying siege on the empty house of cards

And with all the power granted
By the grace of obscenities triumphant screams
Separating me from reality by infiltrating my failing vision
With the polluted overflowing inanities of these cellophane dreams

Inside these cold sterile walls
Somewhere between life and death
I sit in somber solitude
As the white coat solemnly approaches

I  gauge the countenance
  Tremulous mess ....
.. upon bated breath
Suddenly... I was moving
Past the speed of light
Straight through all the darkness
Of this obscenity

Platitudes passed along
On paper plates of awkwardness
This reproachful atropos night

Suddenly slamming the brakes
Screeching all the way up to the guardrail
At the very edge of eternity

There at the rail I cursed the Gods
In a voice as loud as anything I've never ever heard
A voice so shaky
As to create an echo
In its own formation

While this silent gravity of infinity
Absorbs every single word
Even inside my head I could not hear
Anything of what I might imagine ...
... that I had screamed

Still I felt an internal satisfaction...
..... At the very action
Then I turned and WE walked back down my path
For  weeks and weeks it seems
Past visions of serene beauty... of OUR.shared history
That no mere mortal ...might hope to see even in dreams

As if I were  suddenly ****** awake
By someone speaking my name
White coat speaking
And there I sat
Inside these cold sterile walls
Somewhere between life and death
I began catching up to my suspended breath

I watched as he mouthed  all of the words...
  ... that I never heard
I had already seen everything
Written on his face... When he first appeared
Long before this final approach
Everything had already been said

That ever needed to be said

For on that long slow walk back along the path
I had been- in lockstep- hand in hand- sharing the exquisite beauty - with my love - my heart - my friend - who had reached their end

Nothing needed to be said
I already knew
So I took a step - stepping around death
Took a deep breath... exhaled

It's never ever easy... But life does go on

All I really wanted
Is someone who needs me
That's all I really want
I play the game
With such precision
But I don't enjoy the hunt

You come around
With your fancy persuasion
And try to stay awhile
You tried to be
My judge and jury
And put my love on trial

Don't try to cross no burning bridges
Don't cross examine me
Don't try to cross no open spaces
Don't try to cross wire me

I'll come to order
When I'm good and ready
Don't try to make me rush
You know the answers
That I'm gonna give you
Won't really tell you much

Take what you get
I'll give you that much
To keep you satisfied
I  have no defense
When it comes to hurtin
I keep it locked inside

I've got no defence
Whe n it comes to  hurtin
The prosecution rests
You bound me over
As your own solution
Even though I had confessed

Don't try to cross. no open spaces
Don't try to cross wire  me
Dont't try to cross no burning  bridges
Don't cross-examine me !!

You had the truth in your hand
But I guess you couldn't stand...
...the demand...
... of being a real human

So why does your shame
Make it necessary to blame
The others for suddenly being
A stranger
Does that not create the danger

Of rearranging the facts
While jumping the tracks
In your haste to move forward
What could be the reward
For striking such a chord
Of internal discontent
Where your morality is bent...
... To the point of almost broken

While fueling the fires you alone were stoking
I had relinquished the remote
As  I felt the chill wind blow
Still I did not don a coat
Out of righteous indignation
Or from forlorn resignation

Although there was temptations
I let you hem and haw - have your say
So you could do it your way
The window view instinctively knew
And slowly dropped it's shades
The window curtains instinctively knew
And dropped... so as one side fades

Going back into the obscurity
There is a melancholy pull
Looming large and weighted  down with insecurity

Even in that first moment of triumph
The serious side knew
This was no contest
It was an awakening
While nowhere near sleep
As if the dreamers shuffling steps recede

Scuffing the floor in metronomic
semaphore
Sounding like the best the best the best the best the best the best the best
Continuing as it crosses the room
The best the best the best the best
right on out the door.

How brave must one be
To open up
And to really see

The maladies
And fallacies
And accept them all
With almost joyous abandon

As being old friends
Never met... and yet
We know them as intimately
As we know
The pains that we carry
Along the pathways of our lives

Some will take the easy way
Putting the pains out on open display
Carried aloft like a victory flag

While others keep it hidden
Wrapped in ***** rags
Buried deep in the sand
As if then...
... It loses its power to control

Oh! but it does
As it always will
For no one can long deny
No matter the depth
To which they will try

So as a wordsmith artist
Painting what it is that we find
Relishing any stimulation or tribulation
In the deep recesses of the mind

Where we always keep going
Willingly knowing
... that we walk alone

Yet... We persevere
  Willingly going   places... where ...
....others simply fear

There we will root around
The dusty dark corners
Of those spirit laden rooms
We find down those long haunted hallways
With beseeching heart reaching
Echoes of pasts... lost or seeking            .....redemption

We are the bravest people ever known  yet we are overlooked
Because...
We still pursue
Still proceed
Opening those doors
Of  long past deeds

Brave... Oh yes
We must be -  we have to be
We always go alone!

I fell
Through the crack
That appeared

The crowd
Stopped gathering
Then suddenly disappeared

No credit given
To the marginalized
To live is to know it

Becoming the inspiration
For ridicule endured
By any way word poet

Down in the depths
Of those past reflections
Are the crumbled dust of dreams

That are immune
From any hope or faith
When not even time redeems

So ink appears
In tribute to
The transparent ones

Who go unnoticed
When their contributions
Are those society shuns

No leprosy colonies
Or isolation wards
For the ones we overlook

They are already separated
By not following the  "Norm"
And by the road...
... That they took

As if I cared...
I mean I might ... but
I'm past that point
Where I would ever let her know... again
The things I shared
No dark truth spared

During that insignificant blip
If even that
Along the evolving corridors of time
Was... As I repeatedly said
Impossible to quantify
Without the metronomic
Mechanization of the machinery
To create periodic downloads

  That that first 20 days
Had not actually been the six months
That I would have sworn it to be

I was paralyzed ,hypnotized, afflicted addicted, predilected

But there wasn't one fiber of my being
Physical, emotional or spiritual
That held back. ,ever hit pause
Or ever even gave me cause
To doubt.....
I was lost and didn't Fn care

I was all in...  .within.....
Those first three hours
AND  THAT AIN'T ME!!
Well.... Then again....
I guess it must be

So I heard myself say - and I knew
Absolutely new- as I heard the echo of my words come bounding back
That it was true...... absolutely true
And in many ,many ways

I said to myself
As I absorb those words
With an Invincible Pride
That I had never known before

" I WOULD DIE FOR YOU!"

As the next three weeks passed
Perfection was becoming a word that was a pale ,poor and inferior. relative
After the breathtaking Heights .....
......of my reality

Then as I was still doing trampoline tricks among the clouds

She said. " I'm not ready... I'm confused
I'm still broken but you are perfect you're what every woman would ever want or ever need.
You make me laugh ,you care for me more than any man has ever cared about me, and show it like no other ever has...."

I'm sure there was more
That's all I heard as I took the misstep and fell from the clouds
To hit the ground
Dazed and Confused

But I tried to gather myself

To muster together my Bliss.....this ...is..
Not really that bad
Not the end of the world by any means
The whole thing was just too heady
too quick  and I could really see that so....

Relax and let time do its thing
Which I did
Until it turned out that someone else
Had intervened became involved
I just never ever expected something like that to occur......but it did
And at that moment I kept my promise

I DIED  FOR HER.....IN EVERY WAY BUT ....."

Whatever you do
Do not listen to what I say
Sometimes my thoughts are like seeds
Will plant themselves take root and grow
And it may grow unnoticed until
Somewhere in the future
You'll find shade and  comfort
Under that growth on a hot day

With roots just as awesome and Majestic
As is the crown of many colors
Ever-changing...
... As it puts on its display
Though you may find comfort
In that shade it may  provide
There may be times you wonder about
The view... beyond
that may be denied

It's only human to want that view never seen
To be a person in pursuit of perfection
Unfettered and pristine
Ironic and tragically funny...
How there's always something in between

The very introduction becomes an obstruction
And will be
Until convinced of the offense
Then removed
sheared off at the ground
Only to then find... nothing new
In  this new view ...
... worthy of being seen

So it was not that astute
To be in such dogged Pursuit
Of perfection
That you would forget about the root that had originally anchored
those thoughts in your head
From whence you strayed
And in so doing...
You lost your comfort
And the coolness of the shade

I kept saying don't let go...don't let go
Don't let go and he said he wouldn't
As  he  ran along beside me
while I'm pedaling and steering
But suddenly he did let go
And I was in total control
What was the first of many a future vehicle
Just me....
.... and my brand new tricycle

The image in my tainted view
Was the clearest in ages
Just as I thought to close the book
Before inciting myself to rip out all the pages

To inspirational heights I climbed
Without a shred of doubt
Like the last 10 pieces of a jigsaw puzzle
The connections were obvious... as my
Jaded and near faded pathway
Came back to life

Into being
Suddenly a view
Appearing
That I knew right then
Just how near I had been
To suddenly veering into tangent unknown

Willing to fight the undergrowth
The tangled web of neglected
Overgrowth
Made up of what... I guess
Would be both
My spirit and my dreams

Neglected to the chaotic
Sprawl of hopelessness
This new view
Allows me to confess
It was never a trail
I allowed myself to aspire to... fully

As I'm foolishly.. I am now aware
This perfection that manifested
In my open and fully invested...
....consciousness

Let me in - to suddenly
Reach the end
Just as I feared
The clearing disappeared
So as I now hack my way
Through my tangled and mangled future
Again I am
As I've always been

Just as lost and lonely
As I ever was - and will be
For it seems
This is the image
The tainted view
The only one ... I ever knew!

You made me money
You gave me *******
And sat so heavy
Oh my poor old brain
Did your best
To  drive me insane
I had the ball
But you provided the chain

I got so nervous
And I got so sick
I get so banged up
That I'd look like a wreck
I'd crawl around.... Looking
For just a speck
I broke the mirror
When I saw what it did reflect

I said goodbye
And you wished me well
Then you grabbed me
Drug me straight through hell
I got a ticket on a one-way trip
I felt the fingers
Of your icy grip
You said you need me
And that I needed you too
That might have been....
.... But I've got..
News for you

I've left the highway
Now I'm headed straight
Had to
Boogie
It was much too late
Back there is nothing
So I'm looking straight ahead
The highway is clear now
I can see
Where it led
It will lead you in circles
It will dizzy your head
Keeping you spending... Until you..
End up dead !

You made me money and you gave me *******

Overhanging words
Reinforced for stability
Gives no viability
No consolation

Overstating the reality
Will not create any more viability
Than what crystallizes like frost
On the blades of winter morning grass

Stare too long at the image
And you will never notice it's gone
Until it no longer exists

So turn that evil inner eye
From the portrait painted
By the inner vision

Still that will not contain
The ever escaping pain
When a need to prove
Control...
... Of self-evaluation

Only proves that you are the Creator
That held check...
... On open channels
Seeking the tunnel vision of self...
... WHAT ?
Deniability?

Not a good trade I don't believe
For the path you were denied
By the paint by number artist
You became...
... And the way you fell victim
To your own false pride!

True ...real...authentic
Call me a cynic
But I do not like such words
Applied
In the verification
Or implementation
As it creates degradation
To the entities it endeavors to...
...illuminate.

The words...
Blood-stained and rusted
From too long... Squeezed
Between clenched teeth
Fell from his mouth
Ponderous
To almost elicit
An  audible thud
Upon slamming into
The scratched... Torn
And somewhat forlorn
Ancient linoleum floor
Some six feet below
Where they shattered
Like fresh eggs
Becoming scattered
In fragmented resignations
Abstract
In that surreal and demented
Opposition
To the artistic design
Of circular symmetry  
And parallel lines
All but worn down
To  absolute unseen
Ignored without that juxtaposition
Formed by those withered words
Held in... For so long
To be utterly dead
Thereby bringing back to life
A century old
Piece of artistry
Long only seen
As ... just really hard to mop

If you look upon me
As if... I am your rock
I believe that - someday
I may be ... Good enough
To hold you
To support you
In all your shaky times
Shielding you...
Building you...up
If you're ever in Decline

Everybody needs something
To get them through the day
A prayer?
A bottle
Or someone to call
Just to say   "hey...
How are you?...
... I know it's been a while
... Remember? ... When we...?
... It always makes me smile
... I miss you or I love you
... I'm sorry we lost touch
... So much... Has happened
I don't know where to start !"

If you look upon me...
As if I am your friend
Then I believe - someday
I may be just the thing you need

To shelter you from the storm
To welcome you with wide open arms
Into where it's... Always nice and warm
So if you look upon me
As if I am
Just who and what I am

Then I will always be
Everything ...
That you will ... Ever
Need me to be
If you look upon me...
As if... I truly am your rock.

There's no time... Like the present
To turn around
To turn around and walk away
You know sometimes I feel it
And I know
And I know
There's just nothing that I need to say
Why do I put myself out
To the edge
Of the pitfall
When I should  have just
Kept my back
Kept my back up against the wall

Is it just ....because
I let myself be
Just another believer
In a world
That's so often ruled
By the next... Inspired deceiver
That tries to get through
My best defense

And in the way
That comes across as so
As so... as so... so so so so
INTENSE
That it leaves me
Crumpled up
Like something that's ready
To  be tossed away
Discarded...
... into that bin - overflowing
With the constant flow
Of the broken hearted

Should have just kept my back
Up against the wall
Up against the wall

I let them know
Later it was opened
But noone ever entered
Eventually I let myself sleep.

Was it the fitful dreams
Or maybe it was the annoying flies
Persistent in their touch and go
landings
On the tip of my nose ..that opened my eyes
To be met
With the reality
Of a pillow drenched with sweat
From my bedraggled saturated hair
As that may have been more the cause
That rousted me into this sweltering putrid air
Not even the ceiling fan was moving
As the power had been pulled 2... or
Oh... who knows....... a few days ago
Outside the grimy fly spect window I could see
The rainbow bedazzled sailboat sail
Gently moving across the placid aqua blue water
From up here on the second floor  
I could see the entire lake is it stretched away
To seamlessly blend with the baby blue sky

Closer in along the shoreline a dozen little kids at play
Content in their animated movement as they skittered about
All brightly dressed little 4 or 5 year olds
Reminding me of gumballs as they spilled out of a torn sack
Watching carefully were the parents or guardians
Posted in somnolent but  wary guard duty
Along the peremater wall of park benches

Along the bright green manicured ground
Brightly colored and abstract blankets
were scattered around
Where people sat or lay back
To watch the lazy movement of cotton fluff clouds tracking north

Standing there taking this all in
I noticed two dead flies that had crash-landed on the windowsill
Victims of that invisible barrier to freedom
Good I said to myself  out loud
As I hoped one was the kamikaze who woke me from the sleep into this
Although I had to admit the beauty
All that life - Love - happiness and fun
Was something special to see  for
certain
And I stood there sweat drenched
Overheated and overcome by the overwhelming desire to close the ****** curtain
So that's exactly what I did
And then lay back down with laced fingers behind my head
To stare at the ceiling and the fly that wandered around and around the  motionless ceiling fan blade
And I was ....
Powerless to do anything about it

I've died but still walk among the living
Unseen and unheard by those living Souls
That recognize frequencies similar to their own
Ignoring any who have  problems with their controls
For that very short time I was tuned in
I feel a rye smile twist my face as I think of my touchy dial
That held just long enough for me to taste
Sweet Success now being replaced by the bitterness of denial
I know full well the parameters within which I am meant to dwell
Before I reset I take a second to remind myself to never forget
How for a  short time I was important to a mind other than mine
And that will allow me to reset now and forever with a single regret

He was off.10  n 4
MM driving
She ad a need
LN herpurs
He was goN.out
As she was A rivN
He smiled with iiiiiiii
She decided 2stopD9
They both felt plugged in

2 d8 they r str8
4 4 complete zodiacs
1 N  the strol R
With  1 ND ovN

Ain lieFun.  E?

I've thought  a lot about us
Since the day you went away
And as I watched...
... you walk that day
I just didn't know what to say
So I dialed your number on the telephone
Suddenly I was enveloped by
The feeling of being alone

It was only to hear your voice
It was as if I had no choice
The worn-out picture that I carry is torn
The letters I meant to write someday
Have never been born

I've been a lot of places
And searched through a million faces
Searching for one that replaces
What I found in yours

Or no one else will do
Because when I think of you
I simply have no choice
But to hear your voice...
In the memories that abound in me

So I called you on the telephone
To see if you were alone
At least
That's what I tried telling myself
But really... It was just to hear your voice

The memories I have of you are as clear
But the words I meant to say...
... This time
Just simply weren't here
I called you on the telephone

I don't need a crystal ball
To see my future
It is nothing more than
The next breath I take
Look ahead is one thing
To dream ahead is another
That can become without ...
.. A doubt
That move you should not make
So if I had the opportunity
To look into a real crystal ball
To see what would be
In my future I have yet to realize
I would not take a single glance
There's nothing  I would want to see
Cannot think why I would take the chance
Good news and it would only spoil the surprise

Should I find that down the line
Bad news would choose to abuse what would be my future reality
Why would I want to ...
... foresee
Some foregone tragedy
When one time would be enough...
...... actually more than enough for me

Evil is evil is evil is ...
A walking talking entity
And makes so many...
Think that they are meant to be
Superior
So they need an inferior
Race of people they can reach out to
That way they can show the world
Look what I can do
Look what I can do
Look what I can do
Without a single thought
About all the little battles
Of those people who have
So much on their mind
That their heads like a rattle
They wake up in the morning
If they slept at all
Then they hear their head rattle
As they try to get through the day
Dealing with the people who
Reach out  
To be the first ones
First ones first ones first ones
To give them just what they need
And treat them like chattel
And that way they keep the refugees
Down on their  knees
Down on their knees
Down on their knees
As they just keep on losing
Every shred of any dignity
And so they see their kids
And they battle with the rattle
Wander the streets
Of the  ever sprawling Tent City
Thinking please please please
I'm in need yes indeed...
....but not of your pity
Give me something to do
Something to do something to do something to do
Than to be in constant battle
With this rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle rattle...

Lights are flashing like a panic
Doesn't seem that romantic
To me
But I'm getting caught up
And all the things you bought up
For me
So I just lay back
While you plan your attack
On me
All this smoke and Noise
Seems to take away the joys
From me
I think that I'm tripping on more than just ecstasy
Somewhere I found a crack in your philosophy
So now I know you're Human After All
I used to look up to you like you were 10 feet tall
I see the smoke in the mirrors did just appear
When you saw that happ'nin i saw you melt with fear
You can't stand to look at what you have become
And in my head the words are pounding
Like a madman taking a baseball bat to a drum
I seen you now without your Pretenders cloak
What a joke
I can't imagine all the times I just fell in line
Now it's a sign
Take a left at the next turn
Don't worry about the red light it ain't your concern
You can take a U-turn maybe then you'll find something to learn
You can't pay for love that you didn't earn
So I'll be getting out at the corner
So you can go play the mourner
And you can ***** yourself then
I'm not just another ten pin
For you to knock down on your way to make a score
And you ain't worth no money
Even though you ain't nothing but a *****

Lights are flashing like a panic
Doesn't seem that romantic
To me
And I may still be Trippin
But it ain't on no ecstasy

Caught up in her crossfire
Victim of her desire
Doesn't want to believe me
When I tell her to leave me ....
.... Alone alone alone
Trying to find a place to hide
But she just won't be denied
Keeps finding me with unerring success
Must have fed me something that contained a GPS
Hide hide hide
Wish I had a magic Genie
Or could  disappear like Houdini
I hate what she's put me through
But I don't know what else to do
Fall fall fall
Everytime I hear her knock
I start running like a broken clock
I never make a single sound
But she just keeps on hanging around
Love love love

I guess it's not for everyone
So now I'm done I'm done I'm done
So I guess I'll pack
And let her have....  
... her apartment back
****** !!!
I hate moving!

And you
Call yourself a martyr
Cause you left it
All to fate
As you stand in stoney silence
At the closing of the gate
Like a beggar at a banquet
Like a candle in the wind
When all you have left
Is your memory
And your name
For then
You will just be ...
... history
So will anyone
remember you
When its .....
.....all been said and done?.

Right now my days are long and hard
As I plow through these unfurrowed fields
Of my life
Where nothing has grown for so **** long
And as I look back with each turn I make
I see the beginning of growth
In what will be the flowering lush beauty
Of loves boundless bounty
The endless  beauty and ecstasy
I may be the plowman
And the Earth may be our lives
You are the rain that sustains
Those seeds that we plant together
A Living Color portrait
In this future yet to be
I will stand in that rain forever
In order to maintain and sustain
That same life-giving growth
Let it rain let it rain
Let It Rain On Me

A sudden screeching stop
As  the voice spoke into my ear
I stepped through the vines of those now bitter signs
That had guided me to this place that I am right here

Where the bitter light of reality casts no shadow
And the shadows that were .have now  been faded
In this land stark with blinding light
It cannot be denied the truth it has created

No road so long that creates an endless journey
Outside that is...the majestic vision of the mindscape
Where eternity's exist in a  thousand heartbeats
Where dreams can grow from a single breath
As I hesitate to allow them to take full shape

Step aside for a few blazing seconds
To consider the upcoming storm of deep emotions
Building up on those distant horizons
That must be weathered along the path of such devotion

That had inspired such feckless abandon and disregard
Anything but that which was self desired
Ignoring any pain I may encounter or how much I may be scarred

Though that choice be mine of that no doubt
Yet  not mine alone if upon wherever this journey's destination be
For where you share the trail you shall also share the load
I cannot allow myself to forget
Some bonds bind in the mind....
.... and those I cannot see

And unfortunately
May never be able to see

So if I step through the vines at the edge of my view
Back to the land of finite - lead weighted moments
It seems I shall walk along with my shadow... where I fear
I always knew the endless infinity up ahead leads me
Toward that which I always knew
As the valley of my own destiny
That place I now know I will be led
Should I find that my destiny...
... turns out not to be you

Ropes are an arbitrary constituent of
My often meandering campaign of self-sufficiency
Where often times I find myself wondering
If I were elected or selected for my role as the dejected

So the sudden appearance
Of this length of rope
Attached somewhere up above in obscurity
To dangle before me as innocently as a kids swing
Or as menacingly inviting as a 13 Loop hangman's noose

Timing is often the real hero
Or culprit
Of any grand production
Whether on the stage or in the simple act
Of oneself coming of age

With open eyes as I taste the lies
That had become so familiar to the script
That I never even trip
As the words  would slip
Lifeless and indistinguishable
From my hapless lip

There was a time as I wandered
Around the cracked and worn down
Asphalt parking lot in my mind
Seeking a parking spot and often finding
Naught- as once again the daily spin
Had ushered in
That loud and obnoxiously redundant crowd
Of oxygen-dependent hypocrites
That look and sound and think
Just like me

That then is the point where I begin
To accept that no parking spot exists
As I make the endless loops and twists
Assuming that I can convince myself
It's just my bad luck
To be looking left- as I drove right by
What obviously I must have missed

LIE... an absolute  lie !!

Right there in front of me like a flashing Neon traffic cone
So even if I close my eyes
To pretend that I don't recognize and realize
Its very existence
But I know and I saw  and I heard
It all... The very second that it occurred
As the blinding flash so intense
As to make me wince
As it penetrates my fragile human eyelids

I am there
So disengaging  the  useless gear
Setting the brake... For my stranded
Almost abandoned
Soul's sake

Killing the ignition as a form of contrition
Open the door and take the key... As if it were a part of me
Wondering what was the reason for
Being that a crowd of me
Would actually steal anything from myself
Wait a minute...
... I've already been doing that. A lot
A whole parking lot

I cannot stay here among the throng
For very long
Reminding me of just how wrong
A man can really be

I need to walk and walk
Let my inner voice and my fragile shell
Have a long past due talk
As a way to maybe break the spell '
So with a swift  backward glance
Gave to me that welcome chance....
... To see
That this was my lot in life
Where what I was leaving behind
was in fact...
Right there- right where it belonged Parked in the very parking spot
I had been looking for
That that I had had all along all along

A crowded mind
Makes it extremely hard to find
The power in taking the lead...
By helping out
That part of yourself that sometimes goes blind

There is not an easy fix or magic tricks
Or any color wax to fill in all the nicks
No school books or rule books
No tools hidden in some obscure nooks
That the ID or the EGO somehow always overlooks

So with wide open eyes
as
I'm walking
in circles
Endless circles
So when that rope materialized
Weary to the bone I'm so dreadfully tired

As if in quicksand I were mired

And so concerned
About the way my directions had turned
I continued determinedly onward
To work out the kinks and find the weak links

   Determined to identify
 As I learn to rely
On my ability to accept
That
To try is to try
Only I will ever know
The depth of that turn
Or the heights of my concern
Or when
I yanked myself
Back up to the surface

The circles that I now walk
Knowing that I have not a single clue
Where or which way I'm going
No sign posts or  monuments to mark the horizon

I'm noticing
That these circles as
I hold on to this rope
ARE
Getting smaller as to shorten the distance
Between the times I wallow in
The incendiary and intrusive and abusive
As the future will be
Filled with those inconclusive reasons why
Across this path over and over and over again
With increasingly diminishing respite

No loss is ever absolute if the resolute
Soul of man can accept that there's  always
A plan when looking with more than just eyes
While hearing with more than just the ears
Believing what was heard is more than just word upon word
Hope is as i am now at the crossroads of hope
A sunny  field of dew - tinged flowers

As that rope has led me down to simple single turns
Each time completing a circle
No slack left
But I am far far from bereft
As I am now aware of where
I am
The end of the rope
And therefore out of Hope?
Nope !!

' I exist  at the U turn
The New Direction
The ever-expanding revelations
The lengthening and strengthening of my path
And able now to see my false trail end

So with key in hand
I  reverse course and with no remorse
I'm going back to that spot
In that now empty parking lot
Marveling at that now pristine silence
So now we have a much lighter load
I turn the key put my life in gear
And get back out on the road

Oh how I love a good road trip

We all know
That life isn't always easy
But what would life be like - if it were?
Without the Peaks and valleys
Life would be absolutely flat
How would we ever appreciate
A landscape ... Anything like that
Therefore my love my life
I'll take the highs and lows
Appreciating the very fact
That you want to be beside me
On a journey... With a destination now
Something I had always lacked
I'm not sure just where we're going
Or where we will be when we arrive
I just know the joys in the journey
As you... My passion...makes it a Joy   
  Just to be alive
So now we have wings born of a lofty heart
Where beats the rhythm of love
So fly with me now unfettered...
... Yet never far apart
Connected to each other ... forever
By  the things that we have shared
Happily emersed in the Eternal knowledge
Of knowing you found someone who cared ... really... really cared !

And I really do know...
... That you do.

I love to hear your laughter
It Thrills me to  the bone
I often hear in the same ear
I use when listening to the phone
First time that I heard it
In the realm of almost asleep
Until suddenly I realized what I was hearing
And my heart took a leap

So then I lay there Wide Awake
Annoyed at myself for interrupting me
If you never experienced this for yourself
Then you have no idea to what degree

That your temperature will rise
Or the chill you feel inside
Or the uphill climb you pursue
To get back to what waking just denied

I lay back down and try to relax
Knowing that seeking it..,.
...denies its return

Still I try to quell anything that distracts

Whisperingly quiet I tiptoe towards sleep
Just as I reach
Carefully peering over the edge
I hear it
Then with smile on my face
Time will never ever erase
I tumble with laughter echoing
Down into the deep

That sound now like a photograph
Oh how I love to hear you laugh
I love...i love..
I truly love .....
I love ...to hear you laugh.

Funny how some admissions
Allows entrance into
Grandest most unique place on Earth
The U of you

That place I use to peruse
History of written word
Going around the paragraphicaI universe
Standing right beside history the moment it occurred

That's why I love being a poet
Endeavoring
To reach out speak to someone else
Often finding  words reminding
How much I was speaking to myself

I find the words and then gently put them together
And then they do the same thing for me

I woke up in a different world today
A different state of mind
I gathered up my thoughts and didn't allow them to stray
I didn't have to go that far to find
What it is that I'm looking for
It was right there in front of me
all the time
I just had to recognize recognize recognize
That I only had to open up my eyes '
And watch the world change
Right there right there in front of me
So I want to take this time and say hello
To somebody that I knew but I didn't really know
So as a friend of mine
I know I know I let you down
But you were true and always hung around
As if you knew that everyone who gets lost
Is just around the corner waiting to be found
Willingly they pay the cost
As they wait to know that someone seeks to find
And the weight the weight the weight that that takes off their mind
Allows them to look in the mirror and see what they can find
I woke up in a different world today
A different state of mind
And I saw somebody that I hadn't seen
I have been trying so hard to find
I turn the tap and i washed my face
And in that mirror I saw no trace
Of all that weight that I carried on my back
The disguise was gone and it was me again
I smile at the image and I say hello
How are you
Its really nice to see you again
Really nice really
To see you again

I know you think that were lovers
Probably believe that we're friends
You believe I am the man that you met back then
I'm still breathing so that's where any similarity will end
You have to hope that I love you
And in your heart you probably see
Us being together forever
So I'm telling you that far as I'm concerned
There'll never be anything between us

If you've taken for granted
That there would ever be
Then hear me now what I tell you here
There's nothing that I can see
Will ever grow between us
Anything that tries will die
From lack of Sun and space... to wither

I will not allow you to ever feed
 ANYTHING
That appears to be growing between us

No anger - or fear
Not disrespect or.empty air
No trees of doubt or weeds of trouble
Nor any Temple Church or Palace
If it happens I will tear it to rubble

The only thing that is or will ever be between us
Is the thin layer of skin to hold my body and soul in
I'll keep you so close so close to me baby
That not even air can come between
You are and will forever be
The most beautiful woman I've ever seen
Cause my eyes opened...
... For the very first time
The very first day that we met

So there will never be anything between us
Nothing but love and so with that said
Now that things are looking up
We should do the same
To what the air above us holds
Stars that sparkle like shimmering diamonds
A golden ring  that circles the moon
This will be my promise to you of a love
So that you can look up anytime  
To see a reminder of my love up above

You are everything to me and so someday on my knee
I will ask you as  I let my words carry you
I will let the clouds cushion my head
So that when I come back down to Earth
It'll be when I know that you agreed
To marry me
And nothing will ever come between us

Sitting there
Nostalgic inflow
Creating cyclonic updrafts
While memories pass
Through the open windows
Down  once crowded corridors
Carrying away the last remnants
On out the other side
Where the broken doors of my mind reside
Behind the steering wheel I sit
Upon this crumbling and cracked concrete slab
Now so rough
But once smooth enough
The breakout games of basketball
In this neighborhood once proud
The waning sun of summer days
Pulling in the shade bound refugees
Around the court the gathering crowd
Pulling in those kids from  two
Even as far as three blocks away
Inevitable that kids will do what kids will do
A foul or  some minor slight
Would divide the crowd
War of words would insight a fight
And as always it got so loud
That it would wake my dad from his evening nap
He'd  struggle up  out of the easy chair
Still wrapped in the deep slumber
Of the Schlitz 6-pack  he had laid down under
He'd hit the door and kids would scatter
Booming out so angry and loud
I was surprised the single pane glass didn't shatter
That was my pop but he was alright
Actually he was much more than that
As the  rerun would play the very next night
He's  been gone now for near 20 years
Mom couldn't take it tagged along just three years later
Poor old house is empty.... falling apart
Should have torn it down 10 years ago Tell the truth I never had the heart
Hell I been here long enough need to go
I push the down button let the window roll
Look at the house and I yell out
Dad
lf you're here no reason to stick around Freeway is coming it's all coming down So if you want to climb on in
This new car that the old place bought
And well go for a spin
I got a new place up in the hills
Yeah...
But what else do you do sitting upon Sacred ground where you used to play
I know it seems dumb maybe a bit sad
What else do you say before its gone
When saying goodbye to the house
  Hand-built by your dad