Life spent learning
Earning
The badges we own
Those we wear
And those not shown
Easy to learn
What is sharp ....
         ....what will burn
Then we spend lifetimes
Being cut off ,cut down
Cut to pieces ,cut to shredds
Cut out !
Left to your own doubt.

Scorched
By every flame
Just as it extinguishes itself
And then someone ...always
Seems to appear
In order to distinguish themselves
As lesser than they should be
Too often ...turns out that ....that ...
Someone is me .

Yes ! we earn every badge we own
In that..... none of us ......stand alone !

The question often hovers around me
Sometimes intrusive enough, my head will spin
What the hell was that ...where did it come from
Who knows ? I wonder... as I lay down the pen!!

There have been times in life
That I've been more than hungry
I've never really been homeless
But I have lived right next door
I've been known to turn back on the hiway
Driving back for a lost blanket, a gas can
A ice chest or two and not that long ago
A new ,plastic wrapped  DBL.quilted ...
........Queen size mattress  " SCORE !"

I'm happy with simple things in life
A  couple of rooms, a good roof over head
A mind capable of creative, and / or critical thinking
And enough food each day so my dogs are fed
Enough work to keep the plates all spinning
And the energy to see that they do ,okay I do break a few
Acquaintances seen every once in a while who will smile
Maybe talk a while , and a friend or two that are really true blue

So my whole life I've gotten up each day to do what it takes
Filling one pocket with hope ,another with happy thoughts
A shopping list in the third in case I can pick something up
The 4th for any money I might make staving off the have nots
Some days the list gets a few items marked off beyond basics
Other days I drag in with a heavier list than I had carried off
Due to the whims of a pickup truck thats as old as I am
That caught some kind of bug in town, and now has a cough

But that's not the worst of what can be thrown at  me
And this first half of 2017 I find days when I've come in devoid
Of money or items marked from the list and not a single happy thought
But there are those depths not to be accepted, and I alway avoid
Succumbing to...every fiber of my being insisting and resisting
As my alarm bells start ringing a warning to me as I'm clinging to the rope
Just how close I had been to losing grip and letting myself slip
Before remembering all pockets are not empty ,never have been or ever will be - personal or political - empty of hope.

There's something ironic about
The fact  that I found myself there
Sitting on the sidelines - stranded
Just beyond the road to nowhere
Out of luck , sorely in need of a friend
Funny how the open road - freedoms hiway
Can suddenly turn into a somber dead end !

Something broke and I heard/felt it
Weak ...out of power - out of luck
As a strange silence fell down around me
As thoughts often drowned out began to run amuck
Couldn't talk to myself - hardly even know me
I tried singing out loud to break the connection
But it took no time to realize that ...my life
Was like my musical knowledge ...a limited selection

I guess I've got the time now to reflect
About all the time i wasted and that i had lost
Worrying about how it will all end someday
And if it will have a value any where near its cost

My eyes open to see an angel of Mercy
A voice light as a hummingbird's fluttering wings
Smiling ..saying something.that ....
.that ... my fogged brain failed to connect
You called my Father and I'm what it brings
I'm here to carry you home she said
Are you ready to go ?

She had me hooked in no time
As I watched her flutter around
She lifted my spirit ,my hopes and my soul
Then I felt my two bodies lift up off the ground
I felt my spirit as well as my body begin to rise
The foggy depths instantly faded
All my apprehension became tangled
With the past I was leaving behind
And so I patiently held fast and waited

And as always I began to worry
Which for me is the same old story
That I would somehow sail away
On my way to an amazing glory
Without the non EarthBound angel
Then I noticed she had used chains of gold
To hold me... as to keep me from floating away

You'll need to come up here with me she said
Can't let you drag along behind
Especially anywhere near a place called destiny
Sometimes we don't see eye-to-eye I find
I couldn't help but keep glancing over at her
Every chance I got  ... for she was a doll
This angel dressed in oily overalls
I guess I got real lucky when I called you last night
For such an angel of Mercy to have materialized
I must have dozed off just before you got there
As  there for a moment when I first open my eyes
Because that could be no normal human being
Neither of them could believe what they were seeing

She gave me a sideways glance while she was driving
And then she pulled off the road saying I'll be right back
When she came back the  overalls were gone
Wearing instead the attire of a woman that cut me no slack

She most certainly was a Heavenly angel
I may have been broken and down earlier tonight
Feeling sorry for myself but I will never regret
Because I do believe that was a very first time that I know
Anyone ever went out on a date for dinner and drive-in movie
In a wrecker with a broken down pickup in tow

Are you ready ? she asked me as she entered our kitchen
Yeah yeah yeah I said are you going to ruin our day *******?
With that my wife pulled a monkey wrench out of her overall pocket
And chased me all the way out to the Wrecker...
....... with an old wrecked car in tow

But she dropped the wrench once I said happy anniversary
And pulled out the gold locket... Shaped like a gear sprocket
Oh! baby she said I'll Always Love You!

What makes you think
That I'm not listening
I see you sitting small
I see wet eyes glissening

I wish I could tell you
Whatever you need to hear
Remove all clouds of doubt
Creating a view so clear

Today has no dark shadows
As the morrow holds no sway
Punctuating choices or direction
Even before you've found your way

Past the pitfalls and false promises
Drawn toward all veiled by black
Seemingly godsent in the timing
So anxious to fill in what you lack

Lean on me and my strength today
When all seems so sad and bereft
Stop thinking that I cannot hear you
I'm here if you need me ..
            ....I'm dead but I'm not deaf !

Ayeye..I   could have held you  longer
If I had held you stronger ...maybe baby youoooo.....
.....Woo ould  have
Kept  me   closer ...to the very heart of ...
What it was that we were part of
When ayyyye ayyybelieved  ...it WAS the start of
Mooroarr than I...I ..I had evVER even con...ceived

Nowow .ow i dont even know how long I have gr..ieved
Or how loONG I will go on grieving  
I neee.ever knew that you were leaving
Leaving me    to my ...heart ache
I just can't take it.... bearing down
Like the weight of the whole world
Is sitting sqaa AIR on my poor shoulders
Baaaack when she held me ever closer to her
hear r r RT
When I heard her say so ,but I wasn't ready....
  ........to let myself ish ness hold hers .

I am at a loss to understand just what it is that you want
And though I found the trail growing cold ..I still reach out
Seeking some solice in silence , a reaction beyond indifference
Some mislaid hope lost and forgotten ,subjective through doubt
Aimed at my shadow as if I stand not as it's creator but victim
Built up by layers of effective collusion through back channels
Off color light shines brightly upon epitaphs yet to be penned
As if awaiting my memory  to be exiled into time and it's annels
Far back behind me I can hear whispering voices conspiring
To create marginalized prospects of progressive endurance
I am not seeking to lift up any banners or look into your soul
So in my process of passing through ,you seem to need assurance
That I will wander far beyond the memory of when I was here
Not even my shadow will be left behind as I pass on through
For no light seems to find me worthy of any illumination
As it seems I am invisible ,unseen and unadorned by even you

I may not know you ......I barely know me or so it sure seems
You sure as hell never knew me ,my pain ,my hopes or my dreams!