so I sat myself down and made a list
of all those so called four letter words
you know the ones we use to jab in and twist
to regret afterwards or more apt afterwords

devising a scale of definition weight pain
how when why and even where we use them
which are colorful or abstract or just profane
is it gender exclusive and cross plied to anger him

took a while to come to the point to see it was clear
too close to call - a new parameter I made use of
does it hurt as much to say it as it does to hear
said unsaid killing if abused misused four letters ...
                                         ......that spells the word LOVE

For those who chose to throw out reason
here in this most bazaar of times and season
who now fear glancing into the rear view mirror
let me just say "YES" if you wonder its getting nearer

Funny is it not how blind we can be to what lay ahead
that can and often will fill our dream with that dread
that may cause a momentary sense of discomfort
upon wakening and fading before we get a chance to sort

What was or wasn't that little shake of head we make
to allow a reset from that data moving quick to opaque
even though moving on puts reality into front and center
that data was downloaded waiting for when you hit enter

Seldom if ever will it endeavor to open as a full screen view
awaiting a chance for conflating as - THE SPY WITH A CLUE
slipping in now and then to drop off another subliminal hint
as to if and why ,where or when we allowed a place we went

That was just a tangent a separate thought of a pervious  mind
a footpath off the path we blazed an adventure for what we find
that will sometimes have a cost ...the toll for getting lost ...is fear
so when we start again often so impervious to what may appear

no longer who it was that blazed a new path into the unknown
consciously unconscious to tangent paths staying where shown
Content? to follow a map someone drew that is way ahead of you
are you so frightened that unenlightened means ignoring the view

That then becomes the difference between living life that's defined
and freedom that is achieved on a roadtrip.. through an open mind
because life is a journey and no map can ever really be your guide
unless you end when and where that map maker did... No I decide

and if you still fear to glance in that mirror and see its gaining on you
that fuse lit the day your'e born won't gain an inch by anything you do
so defined destination headlong rush or meandering along your way
there is no cost to getting lost ..no toll to pay it's a roadtrip dude .....until your dying day

so why not sit back and enjoy the ride ? YOUR'E NOT DRIVING !

My friend Darryl had
photochromatic skin
He never knew it till he was almost 19 years old
We met when I reached the age of adult consent
Even though I just spent three years in battle with the post Vietnam War Navy that I had been in
Before escaping the grip of all of those lost and crazy old man of  35
With gray or white hair ******* turned into hooks on one hand or the other
Made to fit coffee cup handles and with faces filled with wrinkles like desert land after a flood

I escaped by walking into the psych ward of the base Hospital through one door and skipping out 3 days later through another
So back in Oklahoma City as far from any ocean as I could possibly be
Summer came along and waved goodbye but took Autumn away with it leaving me in the middle of December
Frost covered and freezing I became aware of the shortcomings in me
So shivering myself back into reality I managed somehow made it to April and a one year gone that I could barely  remember

Buckling down I find a nice little cottage in this old lady's backyard
She gave me homemade cookies and goat's milk she always had frozen in the freezer
Took a job invading the Suburban domain of dogs to gather garbage trying  not to get scarred
Three or four hours a day paid for 8 me and Darryl and a 200-year old geezer

The old man drove the truck and had a corn cob pipe permanently stuck
Between corn kernel teeth that he could revolve and then keep  smoking in the rain
But he was cool and dropped us off at my house after the shift and and he would return the truck
By June uniform of cut offs tennis shoes and no shirt I had a good tan  but Daryls was freaking insane
And this was something while growing up that he never really knew

This was his first year being away from home and the strict Nazarene discipline
Where all shirts had to be white with long sleeves  buttoned up to the collar and  to the wrist
So it was fun to watch him awakening as his hair grew into curls Michael Landon looks super tan and handsome
Maybe I was a bit jealous but I was also happy to watch his confusion as those things became something the girls couldn't resist

We spent our afternoons in the places where pool tables and foosball and girls were played under florescent light
Here he learned something else that he never knew and I saw something I had never ever seen
So I'd get other people to go out to see it and verify that I was right
Three hours under fluorescent light and within three minutes of sun he would darken back to mahogany from an olive green

I'm telling you it was weird  !!!

Late summer ****** his 16 year old brother Dwayne drowned while swimming in a farm pond
And if it wasn't tragic enough the preacher wouldn't let them have the funeral at the Church they grew up in
But he was good enough to say  that he would Preach at the funeral parlor up the street
So with all that was going on that day all the way to the service Daryl I never got a chance to meet

Reasoning being that Dwayne was swimming on a Sunday afternoon which was a sin

So in that crowded Auditorium I was  where I never liked being
10 rows up in front of me Darryl was sitting beside his mom and dad
Somewhere in between was Sharon an old friend of mine that Darryl has been seeing
And if I wasn't uncomfortable enough it was nothing compared to the effect his words had

He was so old with a skull covered by barely enough blue skin  stretched so tight
You could see the veins as he blurted out an unbelievably vicious hateful attack
He was saying Dwayne was in hell and if he could he would come back to tell you not to do what he did because he knows

Yes  he knows he did wrong  and he knows now because of where he is and where he's been
Unbelievably he was saying Dwayne was in hell for swimming on a Sunday as if he had some right to condemn

But with every grotesque punch the old ******* would throw
Darrell's dad would throw up his fist and yell amen
Try as I might to Tamp it down but that anger in me  continue to grow
I was literally on my way up to scream you f** *******
when ........ Darrell threw up his fist and yelled amen

Later that night we were all together and Sharon my old  friend asked me why
So I admitted how close I came before you ...Daryl yelled amen... like your dad
Sharon said I knew ..I knew something was wrong and I wanted to but all I could do was cry
And as Daryl looked at both of us he said I only did that as sarcasm because  I was mad

So you know that little cottage I said I had rented was right down the street
Corner House had an umbrella looking clothes lines right out   front 24/7 covered with white on white long sleeve shirts
So one night about a week later me and a pair of scissors went down the road and came back with 42 sleeves white as sheets
Thinking that'll get him right where it hurts.... hateful *******

Truthfully I never did but I thought about it many times it's been 40 years and I still regret that I didn't!!!