It is sometimes necessary
For me to smile
At the vile
Vitriolic antipathy
Of posted words

Lacking even a scintilla of empathy
Even less forethought..
....Of what
Such self - eviscerating wrath
And the damage done

To the humanity... and sanity
By living forever... knowing
That showing
That raw-*****- dried up
Abomination
That pride allowed
You to project...
... when someday
That same pride
Will object...
.... to  deserving

Not only to others observing
But to your own objections
To those obscure reflections
That you may have scrubbed
With manic passion
To the point where no one can see
The allegorical symmetry
That you cannot erase
Or from your heart and soul efface

All because - without a thought
As to what, where, when or how
Something you put down in writing then
You cannot stand up to now!

It took a lifetime to become    
The person that you see  so..
. I wish I had a way to know    
Just how far you had to go
To find a way
   For you to be    
Even slightly    
Satisfied with the strange reality  
That turned out....       .
...Once you got past
A little bit of the doubt      
Finding a way..to..Look...past    
The strange shadow
That I've always cast        
And see that...there may be      
someone
Worth a second chance / a second glance      
You might even have had to go so far
As to create a whole new
                Overview!                        
So I have to applaud you
For the hard times
That you've gotten through    
Putting up...with the likes of me ! 
It wasn't like I tried ....
...to be
A thorn in your side  
  I've just been different
Than all the others that you raised        
So we banged our heads together  
As we .......   
Tried to understand each other      
I hope I never neglected to show you
That I always respected you..
...For all the things that you believe    
I  just   had   to   go.  on a search
And it took me away from the church    
But it never took me away  
...so far
That I couldn't or wouldn't
Hear the word

"I never denied
That  JESUS CHRIST is my savior'
  Or that he died ... 
...For the likes of me ! "     
That is to the credit of the love
That you've shared    
Even when I made it hard
And you were scared
That I'd end up scarred    
By the evils of the world    
I want you to know
That wherever I go
Whatever I do      
All the good
That resides in the.. likes of me  
Comes from the love that you
And the LORD above    
Have always shared with...  
...the likes of me
      So I want you to know
That it's takin a lifetime
To become the person that you see    
Although I don't fit into any mold
I know that you've always had...  
...good or bad  
Unwavering faith in me    
So I'll do my best to join you    
In that city on the hill    
Following your path
Avoiding GODS wrath
By always  
Doing HIS will.

Putting out the money
Going to buy me a line
Paying for my funeral
20 bucks at a time

Gonna burn myself out
A form of self- cremation
Ashes to ashes... Scattered
Among the Genesis of my creation

If you are using
What's doing the using
And what's being used

If you are abusing
What's doing the abusing
And what's being abused

If that place where you exist
Keep shrinking day after day
And seems to be something you missed
Even though it was sold off every time that you pay

Understand that this is no lecture
Just tidbits - hints - observations and lessons to me
Pulled out, up and in as conjecture
Expanding those Horizons with moderation as the key

I believe avoiding all forms of addiction
Is like trying to catch Moonbeams  in the palm of your hand
No prediction needed to predicate predilection

No excuse...
But the speed of that which we produce
With addictive qualifications
Could rival the oceans ability to produce Sand and Gravel
Wave upon wave just churning it out

Then when...
The whole mess turns into big business

Again I have to wonder...
Who's being used and who's doing the using
Who's being abused and who's doing the abusing

Too often too many find their last hope
Was all ******* at the end of the rope

Understand me... Don't...
Underestimate me!

I've seen
In your eyes
A light - a hope - that I
Pray Never Dies
For it is aimed
At me...
... With tender loving care
And as mellow as
An Autumn afternoon
And it warms my heart
My everything
Like a blazing winter fire

That gaze reaches out
And wraps around me
Like a gentle breeze
Or like the beauty
Of a summer sunset
So it is with love
And my deepest respect
That I tell you
I am aware of
The love you share...
...with me
Whenever you look my way
Just as I do with you

I don't know... if mine
Shows as much
But it's there just the same
And it will never ever fade
No matter...
No matter what tomorrow brings

For I've seen

I know
It wasn't in all those plans
We made
And if
You could have you would  
Have stayed
So now
I'm left here on my own
All alone
Trying to
Find some way to fill my days
Carry on

Still find
That every day is an eternity
Of misery
And I
Know you would want me
To see
All those
Places we planned some day
To share
It's just
Way too hard to find any reason
To care

Until I'm
Pulled back into that last moment
We had
And you
Eyes locked in mine  don't look
So sad
You said
In that breathy whisper voice
To me
Just smile
And  I'll wait for you so we can Share eternity

But don't
Waste a moment of the time.
You're given
Because that
Is  no longer just your life
You're livin
And then
She smiled that smile I've known
So long
And then  
Smile in place her eyes close then
She's gone

These days
I wander around like in a maze
Totally lost
Still hear
In silence her laugh which I'd pay
Any cost
If it
Would never fade away from my
Memory
Then I
Heard her laugh like she stood  
Beside me

That ended with her breathy whisper.
From this point on every laugh you hear
Is a promise to you from me
So  you will always know  
That I am somewhere  near
Remember that...
Remember that... my dear...
My dear my dear my dear

Do not give me reason to haunt your mind
For I will dig and dredge up what I can find
Turning it back on your placid core
Non sequitur alliterations a lit alit alittle more
   FOR I AM NOTORIOUS

So, do not doubt my ability to route
You... from your sanctimonious intransigency
To push and pull you into a corner where
You never thought you would be  
   FOR I AM
INSUFFERABLY NOTORIOUS

Should I find you neglect to collect
the pieces you discard
I will indeed ...
...far exceed the need...you plead
so hard to accede

   FOR I AM
AMBIVALENTLY NOTORIOUS
       AND INSUFFERABLE

Any abuse necessary to waylay
any excuse
You choose to use
In order to...
...cling
To your inner sanctum
Will i infuse..as I

Resort
to retort
By waxing
Perspicaciously panegyric
Upon your very being
In order to inspire..desire
With any and all necessary
Encomiastic encomium
So as to create higher aspirations

For I am notoriously cruel and inspiring
As I push one to the brink
Because....one way or another..
One way or another
I will....
.. Whatever it takes

I will... Make you think!

FOR I AM.... NOTORIOUS!

Trouble comes and trouble goes
It's how we handle it that shows
Just how much our humanity grows
In the face of absolute destruction

Sometimes our pains rains like hail
Upon the trail we seek to walk
Or the heights we seek to scale

But nothing can stop the spirit that sets sail
Attempting to rise above
humanities depravities
There to be seen as something inspirational
For truth and truth alone alone
Is something that we shall bemoan
As something that's yours and yours alone
But it's not something that you need to own....
   ...FOREVER!

If you can sever ties and lift your hopes toward the skies
And ask yourself for your forgiveness

No one can redeem your cost...
... As long as it is lost
And without any value

Cast It off as the old...
... something that you were sold
When you believed what you were told

Something  now you realize...
... is that which you now despise
Because you opened up your eyes

To see what you can be
No matter what some fallacy
Has set all it's weight upon your fragile being

So you yourself knows what it takes
To disregard all of your mistakes
The truth is yours alone for seeing

You can rise up on gossamer wings
To show all those who need to know
That hope is Everlasting

Where everyone can achieve
Anything that they conceive
By pushing out any and all doubt
That blocks what you believe

Just remember that doubt always fails...
... To hold back the spirit that truly sails ...and that hope is everlasting.