Uuuuiuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!  Dangnabbit!

Everyone is thinking it
You are the only one who
Don't see
Nobody else will tell you
Nobody else, but me
Here you sit
So whiny
Insulted as you can be
All I can say is
You're welcome
For my obvious honesty

Wherever you go
There you are
Right there with yourself
Be kind to you
Whatever you do
You are your companion
Refuse to make this journey
With a ****** companion
Treat yourself kindly
Wine thee and dine thee
Smile a lot, and say
No matter what I'm doing
It's gonna be a ****** good day
You are the boss of your own mind
So whatever you do, please be kind

Sometimes,
I believe
It's easier to admit you think you're terrible
Than it is to admit you think
You're great

I am such a baddass
I could list
My reasons
But girls would get ******

Beware to females
Who commit the heinous crime
Of  admitting they like themselves

I don't know if it's more annoying to see the behavior of a teenager, and think "stop trying to be so grownup," or an adult, long past should know better, and think, "grow the **** up."

Him:  "What are you up to"

Me: "Laying on the couch, watching tv"

Him: "I'd give my last bottle of insulin to be the big spoon in all that."

And just like that....the sweetest thing any boy ever said to me.

It's hard for me
As a lover of the written word
To see a grammar mistake
And not point it out
Not because I want to be a know it all
But because I want others to know it, too.

I'm starting to think Hillary would be president if she had cried
Maybe the problem wasn't that she was a girl
But that she was too much of a guy

I wish you knew you could
Find me
But I know you wish you could

The thing is
God made the atheist, too
That's more a riddle, than a poem
Or maybe just an observation

The worst thing about being molested as a child (for me)
Was that my body did what it should
So, as that creep was touching me
I thought "wow, this feels really good"
As I got older, and realized the crime
I blamed myself for it
It took a lot of time
But after all these years, I am finally free
I have since accepted
The criminal was not me

Unfortunately
There is no nice way
To say
"Your poem gave me a headache"

Very often
It is the
Inability
To accept constructive criticism
That will cross a person
Over
From mistaken
To ignorant

I think he's got a crush on me
But he's too shy to admit
But I'm pretty sure he likes me
Because he keeps talking ****

I've got a huge crush on you
Though I'd never tell you so
I keep it a secret
But I'm pretty sure you know
No surprise it's called a "crush"
Heart so tight, that **** rush
Floating, flying, laced with glee
Boy, the things you do to me
The emotional extremes!
I will see you in my dreams

Pardon me
If I'm having trouble
Not smirking at the
Lao Tzu wannabe advice
Coming from the 22 year old

We depict babies
Shooting people
With arrows
As if it is saintly
And wonder why
There are shootings
In school

When Mother Earth
Herself
Weighs in
On the leadership
Chosen by us
We are
A bunch
Of idiots
With undersized
Aortic pumps
And oversized
Egos

General Custer
A celebrated military hero
Once accidentally
Shot his own horse in the head
While he was riding it
True story

I've sung so many happy songs
And danced barefoot upon the grass
I've washed hundreds of dishes, and cleaned up this mess
And not one woodland creature has made me my dress!

I'm the girl who tells you
What you don't want to hear
Hate me, if you want
Your problem is very clear
If my words get you all caught up in a snit
****** *******! Stop doing stupid ****!

I'm your upstairs neighbor
You know, the tap dancer wearing clogs
I just came down to apologize
For my pack of huge-pooping dogs
I've tried and tried to train them
To use their doggie pottie
But no matter what I do
They just won't listen to me

Hey, Mr. Risk Taker
You thought there was no deal breaker
But, like the gambler you are
You pushed it way too far
Even with all those cards I hold
You forced this girl to fold

I commented on your poem
You changed your poem
(Sellout!)
And left my comment sitting there
All schizophrenicly inclined
And uselessly out of the blue

You may take it however you do
But calling someone on their ******* is a form of affection
It's much easier to tease the village idiot behind his back
Than teach him different

Thank you, thank you
So much for this Earth
And my wonderful life, and all it's worth
Thank you, thank you
For all who I love
Sent to me from up above
Thank you for the birds and the bees
The sunsets over the golden seas
Thank you for this glorious life
But hey, it's not enough
I need bliss everlasting, free from strife
Without this awesome promise
I have no reason to worship you
In order for that
I need Earth, and Heaven, too

What's the point of ***** hair
It seems to make no sense
Unless you wanted to give us a thing
To hold onto our sweaty scents
And now that I mention it
Armpit hair, too
What's the deal, dear Sir?
I think that we could do without
All this inconvenient fur

I don't know the answers to all the big questions
Some, I don't even want to
I am accepting that worse case scenario
Doesn't happen after death
My death, anyways
I have accepted that death is simply death
THE END
I am still thankful
And I try to leave something good
Behind
It is not who is who is front
But who comes behind
As I come behind
My Grandparents
They deserve to lead a good
Team
And through that
They are alive

Dancing
While all of her Boyfriends are Stepping
And having a real good time
...for a while

There is that incredible
Dance
Between two people
Who know
They are never going to have ***
Together
But always wish they could

Dear DeShane
My hero knight
The best in all the world
Who makes his poor sick mother
Into the luckiest girl

(Thank you for taking such good care of me, and I'm so sorry that you have to.  I promise to be a really great nana.  I guess that's the best I can do for you now)

I miss you every day
And you hurt my soul
But I'm way to stubborn
To let a little **** like you
Being me down
Or back around

Humans are always
Blaming
Maybe that is the Devil
Blaming our bad behavior on the Devil
It's in the details
I suppose

We all hate the devil
And wonder why he's so **** mean
It's like ripping off somebody's clothes
And calling them obscene
Yet, I can't help but hate the devil
I guess I'm a hypocrite
But so are you, and so are they
We believe our own *******

It came out
All tickly and far
Until people started pointing
And this is exactly why
You don't pick your nose in the car

He loved her
Until around the time I appeared
On the scene
The timing is unfortunate
But I'm pretending to
Ignore anything in between

Bill Cosby broke my heart.  
Well, maybe not
But he certainly
Dented it irreparably
I loved and respected that man
And now,
When I see him
I can't help but pity him
I'll even go so far as to wonder
If it was a set up
But I suppose that makes me a terrible person
Because I am empathizing
With a ******
And that's all I got to say about Bill Cosby
That man dented my heart

What happens to dirt that you throw in the ocean?
Does it become sand?
Could it be that dirt is an object
That can only exist on land?

Seriously
Could they have possibly come up with a less appealing title
For a pap smear?

This is my poem
Right here
These three lines

BUT.....(In faint writing that I can't figure out how to use)
The author holds all ownership of this poem. And no responsibilities, of course.  But if anyone recreates or copies any part of this poem, you're gonna be in BIG trouble.  Seriously!  Don't try me, because I will bring the hellfire of the whole copyright laws right down on your sorry head.  I know my poem was only three lines, but I'm adding this twelve paragraph disclaimer so you know I am a serious author...you know, the kind someone will certainly plagiarize unless I add this very, very, very long disclaimer.  I'm not sure if it is actually effective to do this, but it seems official, and makes me feel like a real writer.  By the way, I'm plagiarizing this disclaimer.

A lot of people
Seem to dislike me
I suppose
I could claim
It's because I'm a (bold)
Female
Or because my kids are biracial
Or blah, blah, blah
A lot of people don't like me
Apparently
Because I'm me

He's weird
I love that
But sometimes
I wanna smack him across the face
He likes it
When I wanna smack him across
The face
His favorite sport is "Krista Eye Rolling"
Extra points if he can get them uphill
But the attention is so cute.    , And thoughtful
Albeit, a little gross
He's an oxymoron
Itchy wool, weaved through soft silk
Grossly Cute, softly Uncomfortable, and sticky sweet

Could somebody please hit the "don't like" button?
It's such a simple request
But if there's a "don't like" category
I hope to do it best
(Plus, I'm curious to see what happens)

I don't want to be a doubting Thomas
Cuz we all hate that guy
But I'm quite sure
Love is nothing like
When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie

It's ALWAYS
There
Even if it appears to be not
It always is
You can't have an upside
Without a downside
Or even an
In the middle
There is even a
Downside
To the downside

Do you know I think about you
When you're not around
Do you know that you're a king
You should be wearing a crown
Do you know your hearty soul
Is stew that feeds my heart
Do you know I picture you
In Yellow Submarine art

We all have that one dream we can't admit to our friends.

Today is one
In which most seem to be Walking
Under a dark cloud
Or two

Oh jeez
Please
Who do you think you're foolin'
Pullin' an overt dualin'  
One day, say one
Day, two, say two
Even you, don't know what you're up to