Is it just me
Or is it silly
To call it a needle "eye"
What do we do
But poke the thread through
And plus, it's silly, guy
Of all things to put on a needle
Why would it be an Eye?

Of course I wasn't talking about you
I don't respect you enough to
Hide your identity
I woulda said it was you
But if the shoe fits
Strap it on

He's not the guy who knows what women want
He's the guy who says what he thinks women want to hear
Without taking the time
To get to know any women

I wanted her to be
Cookie Monster for Halloween
But the idea was soon poo pooed
By all who are in my team
Apparently everyone thinks
Girls' costumes must come in pinks

You can spend a hundred dollars
On some ride on toy, or *****
Don't forget the Legos
Matchbox cars, or all the dolls
How about Nerf guns, or a play house with three walls
Buy those kids hundreds worth of trinkets and of baubles
But the the toy they'll love playing with the most
Is the 50 cent bottle of bubbles

It's not that we want to be famous
We really want to be known
Unfortunately, we're all unique
So few of us stand out
Alone

Forgiveness is one of the only things you give away
That must come with conditions upon the bearer
The condition is that your forgiveness must be unconditional
Once given, forgiveness includes the utter end of guilt trips
And the desire to require any further apologies
Forgiveness is irrevocable
Once given, you can't take it back
It always must remain
However, when you do forgive
There is so much you gain
Peace of mind, serenity, and one step closer to divinity

Now they wear ball-huggers
They used to bust a sag
See, this is exactly what happens
When too many moms start to nag

I suppose the worst part
About being a wise-***
Is that unwise people
Get ****** at your jokes

This guy, all sexiness, yet he used the term "bestie."
I can't want to let him ***** me
Anymore
Which is good
Because he didn't want to ***** me, either
Maybe he did it on purpose

He sat her down
Serious look
And held her hands in his
We braced ourselves for something
Whatever it is
"Mom," he said, "I am gay.  I can't change it. I've done all that I can
"Phew," she said, "I was so scared, you were going to say you were a Republican "

All the flowers in the field
See the little girl
Making her selection
"Pick me, pick me!"
They cry out
With their silent voices
"Where are they going?"
The littlest flower asked
"I don't know," said one
"Away from all this grass"

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words can never hurt me
What a crock of ****

Smart guys are so **** ****
I love their beautiful minds
I want to explore every one of them
And figure my favorite kind
He'll always keep me interested
He'll always wear a smile
There's no one like a smart guy
To time with for a while

I loved that stupid boy
And I know he loved me too
But at some time in his childhood
He saw too much abuse
I could say it's not his fault
But that would be a lie
That boy I loved too much
Turned into the wrongest guy

Yay!
My poem sits at the top
Ah...the one most viewed
I have never felt so amazing
When I was not ****
But wait
Oh no
And there it goes
Shooting quickly down
The top and I barely had time
To get a proper greeting
It would seem the place on top
Is all too quickly fleeting.

Hey, that's the way it worked out.

La-a.
(It's true.  There's a girl named "Ladasha" whose name is spelled La-a.

All the smiles for no reason
That special, **** glow
The secret new rituals that suddenly feel so ancient
Holding hands, even just walking to the car
The tingly feeling, wherever you are
Aaahhh....new love.

There are few sights
More miserable
And forlorn
Than the kid
Who has just failed his
Driver's test

"Sometimes, I guess, there just aren't enough rocks."
-Forrest Gump

Why care if you can look pretty if you can be beautiful.

Someone stop that girl
She's saying too much stuff
Some of it's about them
But it's mostly about us
She wouldn't be so annoying
Except most of it is true
She's saying things about me
That I forgot I knew

I can't tell whether it is meant to give warning or gain attention
We all wanna pull that trigger
Without consequences, of course
I'm starting to think the words
"Trigger Warning"
Have become the trigger

Oh...
You gonna fall in love with me
But I promise to set you down
Gently

I'm starting to think Hillary would be president if she had cried
Maybe the problem wasn't that she was a girl
But that she was too much of a guy

I should have said Bad ***

The truth is easier to recognise
When written in a prose
Though you can choose to swallow
Or blow it out your upturned nose

Be wary of men who use the word
"Darling"
I can't tell you why
Exactly
But if you're not
Someday you can tell me

You're so weird
And the weirdest part is
You'd be at the perfect level of weirdness
If you didn't try so energetically
To be even weirder
Than you already are

There is a very fine line between poetic love
And staking
Especially to the stalker

I'm about to reveal to you the worst rhyme ever uttered...
Get ready, here it comes
And please avoid excited jitters
The worst rhyme ever uttered is....
"Spitters are quitters"

I auditioned for America's Next Top Model
They took one peek, and said, "Thanks, but goodbye, *****"
Nobody seems to care that they discriminate, based on looks.

That **** boy
So smart
So beautiful
So sweet
He was worth looking past
Most things
But he wasn't worth
Not looking at all

Hey!
Today's your lucky day!
And let me tell you why...
Oh, I'm sorry
I was talking to that other guy

I just might be one of those people
Whom which nobody is indifferent
Except myself

It is unreasonable
To hate someone
Because they don't love you
It is unreasonable to expect
Anyone to love you
When you act like that

You can't love someone into loving you
Either they don't
Or they do
If you can only go by what they say
You know they don't love you anyway

Two wrongs don't make a right
And
Two lefts make an
About face

Dear patient
We're sorry to hear you have some mental issues
Let's get you addicted to this drug
Frying your brain;
That should help with your mind problems

I really, really, really need to
Find a **** guy
It can be poetic
Or maybe just a sigh
And that's the situation
For now

What do you say to the girl
Considering *** for the first time
She wants to know what it's like
And will it make her heart shine
Will it be tender, oh so movingly
No, I said, it's pretty gross,
And when you do get some
It's  a lot like sliding  straight
Down a staircase on your naked, sweaty ***.

Thinking about you
Is like flying with my mind

Everyone ignores your cries for Help
This vexes you greatly
You ignore
All your other cries for help
More than everyone else can

I get a kick
When someone gets broken up with
And says
"They'll never find anyone like me."

How can you tell if an elephant's old?
Do they get more lines?
Maybe they're all ancient souls
Reincarnating through time

Boy, you catching me in the feels
I don't think you're even trying
I smile, now, ten times a day
You got this girl a-flyin'

(Tee Hee...Im such a **** , there are probably like six guys on here wondering if this is about them. )  (Yep...I'm slutty and proud of it)

Could somebody please hit the "don't like" button?
It's such a simple request
But if there's a "don't like" category
I hope to do it best
(Plus, I'm curious to see what happens)

When your favorite poet shares a poem, and you're like....
Huh?
This is not you.
(Maybe it's the accidental finger spasm)

The saddest thing a man ever said to me was
"I love you more than anything"