Kaylin Martin

Kaylin Martin Jan 2013

We are completely and utterly ****** up.

We are completely and utterly ****** up.

Daddy stomps his feet around;

rawr, rawr, rawr

Little brother stands defiantly;

screaming, "I hate you; I will **** you all!"

tears streaming down his face;

once innocent but now always covered

in anger, in insecurities, in uncertainty.

And mama is in the recliner;

slurring sarcastic comments.

A glass of wine for each hour of the day.

Where's sister you ask?

Well she's probably not here; trying to escape.

Filled with such an anger, such a stubbornness.

Or maybe she's in her room dancing;

not very good at it, but an outlet none the less.

As all of this psychotic behavior is enveloping

the lives of these people, I sit on the couch

an just watch it all.

Shut off to the world, I sit.

And I laugh and laugh at the fact,

that we are completely and utterly ****** up.

Kaylin Martin Jan 2013

My best friend.

All of these
problems
swirling around;
  and all I can think about
                 is how thankful
I am to have
a source
of light,
              such
as
you.

I am so thankful.

Kaylin Martin Jan 2013

Help #2.

I need help.
I'm not the kind of person
to just ask for it flat out.
I hate feeling weak;
but I am breaking inside.
So many parts of myself break away each day.
There's the piece of me that broke off when Mama told me I wasn't good enough.
There's the piece that shattered when Daddy told me that I'm just like my drunk mother.
There's you not calling me back;
there's a bad day at practice..
Whatever it may be;
big or small;
I am breaking.

Help me,
please.

Don't let me get away with saying,
"I'm okay."
Don't just bypass the fact that my wrists are
two different colors;
too much cover up on fresh scars.
Sometimes I just need a hug;
just need to hear the words,
"You are important to me."
So when I go home at night,
I don't pick up the blood stained razor blade on my windowsill.
Someone...
I need help.

Please don't just pretend like you want to help me;
Giving me reassurance for a moment;
For the pain of being alone
when you get tired of
hearing my pointless stories,
seeing me cry,
letting me vent,
will be too much to bear.
Does no one see the pain behind my smile?
The sleepless nights?
Am I really that convincing?

I need help.
These lifeless black letters on a white computer screen that will be viewed by strangers,
proves it.
Someone,
please.

A random circle of venting and thoughts.

Kaylin Martin Jan 2013

Hiding.

Hiding behind a smile;
keep it in my eyes,
its more believable that way.
It doesn't matter what I think;
it doesn't matter what I feel;
it doesn't matter what I want;
It doesn't matter why I want it:
It just matters that I keep quiet.
I've become good at it;
about changing what I think,
my ****** expressions,
the way I answer questions..
Hiding;
hiding everything..
I am good at it.
You would never know.

Kaylin Martin Jan 2013

Just you.

It's strange..
2 hours from now,
and I will have lived 18 whole years.
Years filled with memories:
So many life events,
and bad days,
and wonderful holidays.
So many days in history,
twelve years of school,
friends of every shape, size and color.
But do you know what's really strange,
about all the things that have happened to me
in the 6,570 days that I have lived?
Once you came into my life..
Most of that stuff vanished.
And it's just you.
All of my life events,
my bad days,
my wonderful holidays..
I only remember the ones that involve you.
Just you.
And you have no idea how ecstatic that makes me.
Most people would be sad to lose their memories.
But me..
As long as I have you to fill up
every day ahead of me..
I am in heaven.
All I need..
*Just you.

Kaylin Martin Jan 2013

You're lucky all I have is a window marker..

Today is a day that you should be happy
           that it is illegal to **** people
                 just for the hell of it

I'm talking to you!
No, not you!
You there!
With the baseball jersey and very odd nose!

It's your lucky day my boy,
lucky this gun is only a toy.
Lucky this  fist isn't made of iron!
If your face was all black and blue, would everyone still admire?
Would you still be Mr. Popular,
Would you make the ladies swoon?
If I rearranged that pretty face
to look like a baboon.
Would you be mad if I took a sledge hammer,
To the windshield of your car?
Would it be inappropriate of me
to smash it with a bar?
I would never do any if this of course,
I am far too nice.
But if it wasn't illegal to **** people,
Well, I don't think I'd think twice.

Kaylin Martin Jan 2013

I think we are the same.

Sometimes I think we may be the same person.
So much that;
when you tell me secrets
I already know them.
When you laugh;
smile;
cry;
frown;
I do as well.
Maybe more so,
as I have the emotion of two people
filling my heart.
Sometimes, I think we may be the same person.
So much so,
that when I dream a dream,
you dream the same one;
waking with the same song
stuck in both our heads.
So much so,
that when I leave,
I feel a giant hole in my center,
the perfect outline of your heart.
So much so,
that sometimes I really do believe
that we are the same.

To you: I know I write a lot of negative things, but the good things out weigh them by hundreds. I'm just too scared to show you.