I'm going insane all over again.
And I can't stand my heart in my throat or the fluid perched precariously on my eyelashes, daring me to blink.
It's that time of year when everything comes together, but it's not happening yet.
You're not happening yet.
At least, not to me.
And she's happening to someone else when a year ago she was happening to me, back when everything made sense.
Back when she made sense.

Spring is a time for rejuvenation.
But the only rejuvenation is to old memories, bringing them back to life with a ferocity equating my love for her (once upon a time).

I was so tired that I fell asleep with my jacket and jeans on
Fever spiked, woke up at 3 AM sharp
Drenched in a cold sweat and clammy to the touch
A night terror that returned me to childhood with its hallucinations
Starts with the distortion of size through warped dimensions
The knowledge required to become a skilled piano player
So vast that it expands and fills the room around me
I am crushed and suffocated, claustrophobic in the company of giants
My thoughts erupt
Someone saying something somewhere
Shaking, sweating
Even silence shouts at me I can’t control anything
I watch myself as I move in fast-forward, possessed
Voices in my head blast lunatic symphonies
Even the air around me swells to dangerous proportions
Can’t sit still, dying, I am alone and become a spirit
The physical realm long ago abandoned me on a stranger’s doorstep
Condemned to be a psychotic loner in a post-apocalyptic world
Dead and decayed from nuclear holocaust and I as its final freak
Beg for an end to the raving, burning, ringing and crushing forces
A phone call is made to my love and reality anchor
I stutter through my symptoms, regain some control
With her advice I find some calm and sleepwalk downstairs for water
The vending machine is deceased for the night
No favors
Just my luck

A storm is coming,
the sky is darkening
and rain begins to fall

I hear booms in the distance
followed by eerie claps
wondering is this my call

The wind picks up
I'm swayed side to side
I start to think how I'm going to cope

But then flash and bang
my life's path is set in front of me
in this lowly form, in this daily form, destiny comes as a rope

Stretching to the storm filled horizon, this rope has no end
as I grasp its frayed body, the ground and wind shift
the world pushes against me as I begin to pull

I crossed deserts and walked through valleys
pain tied me to a chair in a winter wonderland
but my burning heart kept me warm and full

No matter the push, no matter the blisters I kept my stride
I kept my stride til fate had kicked in and our paths crossed

In this snowy land, I found you frozen in place
I gazed into your eyes and put my hand on your frost

The covers melt away and you give me a broken and brutal hello
I see your smile and your shiver
as you realize that your frozen heart has become burning ice

From your pale blue skin you draw a breath
you take your rope in hand and start to move
the limbs of stillness push on forward and decided to aspire

As I watch you, I reach for my rope
but I only see white and I get colder and colder
for you have turned my warm core to freezing fire

We're falling from the sky,
how did we get so high?
Retracing our minds,
for reasons we can't find.

We were so high,
we were in heaven.
While everyone else was on cloud nine,
we were on cloud eleven.

We were invincible,
you and me together.
And you promised this would last,
always and forever.

But now we're falling from the sky,
wondering how we got so high.
Trying to retrace our minds,
for reasons we can't find.

We had the world,
in the palm of our hands.
But it slowly disintegrated,
turning to sand.

And the wings of love,
also did the same.
As our forever love,
became a game.

Now we've fallen from the sky,
wondering how we got so high.
Trying to retrace our minds,
looking for reasons we can't find.

But it doesn't help,
when we can't find,
either of our,
miserable minds.

Forget the sky,
forget the high.
It was all,
just a lie.

Time is irreversible,
and always moving fast.
Do not live with regrets,
you cannot change the past.

We've fallen from the shattered sky,
wondering how we got so high.
But I no longer retrace my mind,
because there are no reasons to find.

no more fighting
no more running
no more wondering
no more fearing

we will not stand for this life
we will not be the **** of the earth
we will not ache to be anything else

this is the time to be true to our dreams
this is the place to forget old inhibitions

I will become more, as I have always known  I was.