I wish he would hold me
and not just my body
Grounded
I want stability
Not to be felt
But understood entirely

it was scary
how easy it was
everything safe and familiar
replaced by all things new and exciting
but with ease
my edges grew
and I claimed it as mine

the paint is peeling
but magic runs up the walls
a cubed room is spinning
my body flips as I'm face up with the hall

State lines are relationships and I don’t know what boundaries I’ve crossed

A child took a pair of crinkle scissors
to the construction paper horizon
and thus, formed the mountains
that jut out of the earth's crust

he said it was yellow
let me paint my walls
view life
through golden bands
I'll be yellow.

The last little bit of a latte is just straight syrup. It’s sickeningly sweet, and yet, it’s my favorite part.

No name, no face
mysterious love story, telling trace
If a girl before me
Felt safe to confide
I love Thomas Le Fuere
an open expression tried
Graphite scribbled feeling
on my popcorn ceiling
The kind of company to keep
Sharing with no one a secret so deep
Did it last? To death do they part?
A love to grow, myself aware
She’ll never know
Unintentionally I found her heart
Maybe I’ll leave my own
gut wrenching confession thrown
among the stars next to hers

hoard it all, take haste
minutes go by--the captivating eyes, a waste
gleaming treasured gems restlessly stored
instead, lie in dissipation, irresolutely bored
victims hold tunnel visions routinely ensnared
every sandy grain a diamond to be spared

Tell it to me straight
She whispered
Because a soft gust in a heat advisory
Won’t set ships a sail
And if canvas
Hangs
Let go the anchor
and swim like hell back to shore

like all the things I wouldn't believe
you told me you drew that heart in cement on the side walk
and I'd walk past it everyday second guessing you the whole way
I would turn the volume up and sink deep within myself
lies and still three years later
you don't need headphones to ignore me
hate is such a funny thing

After an hour in we make it up to the cashier
and she tells us how pretty we look
and I get to smile and say thank you we just came from church
but what she doesn’t know
is that it was the first time in weeks we went to our precious Weekend service
but nothing registers beyond the pastel colored dresses of our Sunday best

it was strange the way he looked at me
close enough you'd think he were in love
but I don't know much about that
he couldn't fool me

I swear if you yell at me one more time saying we’re leaving in thirty seconds—I’ll just take a full twenty nine

marred by the ocean my attention drifts
rage reverberating in tension shifts
black ice to fill my heart
connecting body parts
I'm on a different plane

two suns
her eyes set the room ablaze

To close my eyes
Is to accept my fate
So I lie

the distance grew
caused me to stop writing to you
and start writing about you
God forbid a day I ever write for you

I don't know how it got so late but
it doesn't even matter
now, sleepless
golden hour lasts
longer than an afternoon
I'm just me
a solitary state
I must have drifted off
across the starry overpass
far from where I belong
My body ages faster than I do
I'll close my eyes

wrought iron spiral stair cases
kisses in the rain
ivy tendrils climb stone walls
potted Terracotta line the balcony
song birds sweep love in a summer breeze
a weathered violin sings its response
stars twinkle like string lights hung from the moon
floating rose petals fight gravity
in a tranquil budding storm
blooming surroundings become static
to thoughts and actions
nimble limbs name the only movement makers
but for dynamic art in this pastel piece
of stillness
at the secret garden ball

If I gave myself over to the waves
Would my soul stop longing?
Calling out into the void
Easing into the energy
Movements back and forth
But not displaced
I could be one with the sea
Free to roam and spread and be
Tempestuous
Flowing
All of me crashing into the shore
At once
That’s who I am
Run ragged
Thrashed against sand banks
Repeatedly
I find myself
An empty body
Lost at sea
And
Drying out

Crystal eyes
When water swells
from tear duct wells
Spring in cyan blue
Grey remnants of the last
Few black mournings
lost in ash, tarnished
used.

I used to measure my day in minutes
but much like the months
they pass--obsolete
and now I only use feet

It’s not about prioritizing
It’s giving more
Going over
And
Maximizing every minute

a pen falls
off the cherry oak desk
that sits in the corner
of your makeshift office
leather cracks
as you stand on firm legs
papers slide
jutting out at all angles
of the lone wooden drawer
you close your eyes
let oxygen fill the two balloons
in your chest
that expand with tension
thumb and forefinger pressed
strongly against your tired eyes
now strained, hollow
afraid to sign the day away

I want the liquid in the copper pipes
to coat on my body's largest *****
toxic spray to boil my borders
a third degree to marry unto me

they didn't have a name for me
the moment it seemed
I started to belong
was the same instance
I began to reminisce
and like a jab
nothing has changed
my state remains
undone
everything that once was
suddenly starts to matter
maybe its time to unravel
move slowly and you'll flow right on through

one hundred percent
single chopstick and two eggs
funny visual

In terms of ideologies
and personal philosophies
I find myself lacking
Critical talents born of creation
Leaving me in space
Without A North Star direction
To hang upon my sky
Forcing me to navigate without a proper guide
I seem to disappear in a world not mine to hide

I am lying in my bed
Popcorn ceiling above my eyes
Sitting in on private thoughts
Not meant for me to know
And I feel pain and I feel heartbreak
Though none is for myself
I shouldn’t be here
in my room
Catching late night conversations
Shared between two who know love
I’ve never discovered
In two weeks they’ll never sleep alone
I guess I will
My role a witness
Present behind headphones
I dare not turn the music off

Do you think of me?
Your memory fades
As my self comparison to
old pictures of you
Start to age out
New wrinkles have formed
Though I’m sure
I’ll come to know them myself
In future years
Your presence remains
A mystery
Where are you now?
I long for you to stay
unknown

the other side of loss
and sum of all my parts
a conclusion forgone
encouraging in theory
but leaving my world shattered
through a single pane

Because it was there and so was I
perhaps an open book
Growing up I never had dreams
I didn’t realize they could be small
That dreams could be a room full of books I’ve read cover to cover
It was always how life
could change course
upon meeting another
Not the decisions
The little ways I diversify life
With new pleasantries
I write down the dreams
Watch them add up

round silver rimmed frames fogged over
the intensity of a moment
he doesn't even see me
I am the moment
no longer am I a body among the masses
but a void, a whisper of a form
progression to salt rattled hair
plastered sweaty wet faces
painted in a scene of indie rock perfection
of a warm yellow button down over graphic tee print
shadowed against a black box
an icon crossing the length of the floor
two feet up this legend towers over me
the same unknown artist first to break the venue
then the chasm's sound barrier
He doesn't register my essence as he spits prophesy and misery
onto my lips
I taste his pain, his liquid energy
a romantic disgusting moment
shrill rages unbeknownst to him
I watch this fire breather feed smoke to a weathered metal trumpet
in between verses
his lyrics make love in the chambers of my heart
yet
a boy yawns as this man confesses devotion to the dark through a solo moment of past misery and heart break
it is messy and beaten
battered and degraded
together I stand not a foot away
close enough to kiss the microphone cord that dangles my face
toying with my nose in a way verse seems to surpass
we point back in agreement to every word he gifts us
agony never felt so comfortable

I am a wildfire
Yet you turn me on just by lighting candles

a pebble off the road tucked away in the grass
where the water never relents and the rain just plops down
it cries out to no one, it watches from afar
knowing it will never be stepped on, it's face remains hidden
maybe being kicked from the path was for the best after all

I'm fighting with myself
chaos encompassing all those around
caught in my mess
who cares anyway
take a breath
and live
another day
or week
or month
replay the same mistakes I've made
maybe I'll start with a smile
perhaps a new approach
to these same problems
I find within myself
but that's just how it goes
and goes and goes and goes
all wrong
until it spins out of control
and I have new wreckage
with out of date technology and techniques to help out

the fire knows his place
warmly embraced by a cage nine circles deep
though yellow heat is tamed by a switch, fire's coals will keep
burning before a glass covered face

Here lie secrets
Barely out of reach
All the things
Out there with no
Words to speak
Show me
A child’s game
love only knows
What I’ll never tell
And ever will
A world
Full of mysteries
forget
Line thrills
And take me
by my words
Never realize the things
I can’t escape; I live
No chance but to walk
On forward into
forever stays
closed at night
But when the sun comes back
I’ll rise to my death
Because believe me
Secrets never keep

not enough
nothing, everything
maybe too much matters
I get lost somewhere in between
trapped inside
a suspended state of tension
know me, slowly
softly sway
float through
a warm glow
frozen solid
soul to core

on the days when I have none
it is moving
flowing
I want to drown,
overcome,
or transform
my efforts into physical motions
that showcase my devotion
oh how it moves
through my soul and
over my skin
so divine
once sparked I am alive

Love is energy.

I’ll sit on this ledge and debate if I should jump
or merely throw my book over the cliff side
with the strength of a major league pitcher.

The temperature will be just slightly too low to find comfort and the cement I lean against will only add to the wind chill.

The people will walk like ants in the distance,
always moving,
going to some unknown location.

And I will watch from my perch,
wondering if they too see me,
or have any recollection of my presence.

I will pack my bag with the book I regrettably couldn’t chuck
over the side, and will aimlessly sit with my thoughts
not given the permanency of written existence.

Instead, they will grow in my head like seeds
drowning in a surplus of watering
where I will deny them the roots to take hold.

And that is where they will stay.

I’d poison my own heart
If only to see you smile
while watching it happen

Your forever
ends today
and starts tomorrow

I arrived like the moon on the rind of golden hour
the sweet aroma of honeysuckles coating the air
heavily released through May's warm breath
the sun declined
adding a thick amber layer to the hazy spring eve as it drifted
refusing to answer the infinite call of flowers wafting in the breeze

a building primarily constructed
for ornamental beauty
how foolish
suggesting purpose but lacking
substance
structurally sound
a majestic feat
built on rubble
and looked upon
with longing
time wasted
on folly