kaycog

kaycog Jun 2017

Every day I feel lonely I go out
and search for a rock
so I have something to show for my misery
and to quantify my pain
but over time
I used these rocks to build up a wall
that turned into a tower
and now I'm trapped inside myself

kaycog Jun 2017

I don't look forward to anything

I want the months to pass
please don't let tomorrow come
I wait for the day to drift
as the hours hang over me
I wish away weekends
what am I doing it for?
I wake up early again
again I can't fall asleep
it's all relative, repetitive
they say it's good for me
I'm miserable.
why isn't it enough?

kaycog Jun 2017

A little here, never there

And maybe I'm vain
But to me it's just love
Cause I'll take what I can get
You don't mean it, it's enough

kaycog Jun 2017

hold my tongue

they say to give in secret
and so I do
you say I'm not giving
it makes me sad
when I do give
and you praise another
for my hidden efforts
you say I don't give
but I'm giving in
to self doubt
and I'm this close to giving up
so if that's not giving
then I don't know what is.

kaycog Jun 2017

No.

The things I whisper to myself:
You are not entitled to my thoughts
You have no jurisdiction over my actions
You cannot control my emotions
and yet,
I have to apologize to myself in secret for apologizing to you out loud.

kaycog Jun 2017

I'm sorry.

I didn't do anything to help, even though I should have
Nothing good happens after midnight
and nothing good happens at McDonald's
I knew it was bad, that's the sort of thing you know
especially when I saw this girl crying
she was sprawled across the bathroom sink
Disney princess style
I didn't say anything, in fact I looked away
shameless, she didn't muffle her sobs
she didn't hide in a stall
I saw her bawling by herself
...and left her that way too