i missed you
when you died
you kept me
from feeling lonely
when i needed a friend
you were there
to lick my face
or wag your tail
your eyes tenderly
looking into mine
i miss you
or was this just
some bad nightmare?
a nightmare so alive
that i believed it was real?
no it wasn't
it was just cold reality
when death took you
away from me
leaving me alone
farewell to your
happy woofs

Broken and battered,
With a heart that's no better,
You stretched out my heart-strings,
And now they're all tethered.

People call me independent,
But I see it as alone,
I made my heart a place
For you to call home.

But you destroyed it,
You made a mess of the place,
And all the distress you have caused me,
Can be seen on my face.

You were always welcome,
And you took advantage of that,
You nested yourself in my heart,
Like a little burrow for a rat.

You scratched and clawed,
But I never kicked you out,
You were always welcome,
And you still are, without a doubt.

You see, it was love, real love,
That's what I felt for you,
You said you loved me,
But that was a lie too.

i get really sad
and somewhat heartbroken
when i think of all the things
that i don't know about you
i don't know where you go
or what you do
it may seem weird
that i would want to know
all of the little things
like what you eat
and when you go to bed
and what you do with your day
but i guess that's what love is
i'm interested in everything
that i could possibly know
it ***** that most of you
is kept so private
i would share anything with you
i guess you have to protect yourself
but i'll tell you right now
i'm not dangerous
and i love you enough
to where i would never
want to harm you
or use anything against you
no matter what
i wouldn't dare think of it
i just want to know you
thick and thin
through and through
i feel like i'm shown one person
and the rest of the world
the real world
is shown something else
i want to experience who you truly are
not just some part of you
or some held off
piece of you
i want all of you
i want to know everything you think
everything you say
and everything you do
i want you
one hundred percent
i want to know all the secrets
that you don't share with anyone else
i want to know all the different parts of you
the dark ones and deep ones
that only come out at night
the light and funny ones
that come out on a good day
the hard working and dedicated ones
that come out when you are focused
i want to see it all
because i love you
and to think i don't know all there is to know
rips me in two

Who's there...?
No really, I'm scared!
I'm scared of the dark.
Night brings the dark,
And now it is night.
Dark, dark night.
But until the lights go out,
Everything's alright.
Well, the lights are out...
Everyone is asleep in their beds,
Snoring, peaceful,
With dreams in their heads.
But I am awake
And terrified instead.

What was that?
I think I heard another noise...
A sound, quite quiet,
That doesn't belong.
I'm hiding in my sheets,
Sheltered from the eyes that
I just know are out there,
Beyond my reach,
Waiting to get me.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
It's even darker now.
The silence starts to settle in,
Slowly, driving me insane.
Then a noise in the night,
To me, such a fright.

Who
Is
There?

I'm so scared...
If I could just reach the light,
But the switch is miles away
On my wall.
He, it, would catch me
Before I could ever reach it.
It would reach me first.
And I would have to leave
My covered cavern,
Where at least I can pretend
That I am safe.
What a lie!
I don't even believe myself.
Why should I?

It is pitch black.
Everyone is asleep in their bed.
Or dead.
And I'm next, oh god...
He'll get me, I know it!
I can't fall asleep,
And shouldn't even if I could.
Too dangerous.
Of course, at least I'd have a few moments
To dream away my fear.
Though more likely it would follow me
Into a terrible nightmare.
He's waiting for me
To drift off,
To leave my body unarmed,
Unaware.
He's out there.

So I'm scared.
So scared.
Scared of the dark...
Of the night...
Oh, why can't there be light?
But they already said "night night,
Don't let the bed bugs bite."
Bed bugs?
More like monsters.
Or worse...
Murderers.
Why would they leave me alone?
How could they?
I'm scared of the dark...

I'm
So
Scared...

Please turn on the light...

-knock knock-

Who's...there...

"Night night..."

Rock bottom isn't a place but
A state of mind, and
Mental illnesses linger in
The nooks and crannies of your mind
Depression always present
Wreaking havoc on your days
Anxiety a crippling punishment
Filling this life with pain
Never sleeping, because the nightmares
Have grown to loud at night
Eyes open, stare at the ceiling
Unsure if you can continue the fight

I had to change my name on here because someone in my real life kept finding my poetry and reading it despite me kindly asking them to respect my privacy. My poems are my deepest and most personal thoughts. I write for me, in order to get my emotions out. It is an outlet for me. I don't necessarily want my friends and family seeing what I have to say. I appreciate all of the poets here and love the feedback from you all, so please don't think Peyton went away. She is just Mela now. Carmela is my grandmother's name:)

My dying wish
Is to hate myself less,
Love others more,
And stop being depressed.
To pick myself up
And move on, not regress.
But these feelings
Are hard to suppress;
All the distress you put me in,
Still shows to this day,
You can see it on my face,
I doubt it'll ever go away.
But maybe if im lucky,
My wish might come true,
My life would be over,
And thats when I'll get over you.