Please let me go if you
don’t
want
me
because I spend too much time
not
wanting
myself
to be with someone who
doesn’t
want
me.

You probably don’t remember this
But
I once told you that
I would rather feel pain
Than not feel anything
At all.

That was a complete and utter
Lie.

I want to feel
Nothing.

It’s 12:45 in the morning,
                                                and I can’t sleep
                                                because I keep thinking
                                                about the way that you sometimes
look at me.


It’s 5:04 in the morning,
                                                and I still can’t sleep
                                                because I’m still thinking
                                                about how you may never
feel the same about me.


It’s 7:18 in the morning,
                                                and I may never sleep
                                                because I started writing
                                                this stupid poem about how
my chest aches.

I think I might be
                            falling
                                        for
                                                you
or maybe just
                        falling
                                    a
                                       p
                                          a
                                             r
                                                t
because your eyes are
                                                                     distant
        and I know you'll moan
                                  her name
        long before you ever moan
                                  mine
        and I know you're thinking
                                  about her
        while you're kissing
                                  me
but
      I can't
                help
                        myself
                                anymore
        I love you
                        I love you
                                        I love you
*I love you

sometimes
a day is a bad day from the moment
you get out of
your bed

and

sometimes
you’re not always going to feel
the way you
want to

and

sometimes
it will all hurt at once and
you just can’t
stop it

but

that doesn’t mean
that you can’t pick up the pieces
of a shattered day
or a shattered heart
and try again
tomorrow

I know you’re sad because
you’re thinking about
                                        her
                agai­n and
there’s nothing I can do to
stop any of your
                                        pain
                and I
know that I can’t replace
what you had with
                                        her
                ­but I
remember you said that
it didn’t matter because
                                        you’re here
                not there and
                                        you’re with me
                not her and
that there’s no time to feel sad about
the past anymore so
                                        why
                am­ I
still not enough
for you

Sometimes getting out of bed in the morning
        is the hardest part.
                It gets easier after that.

But sometimes it’s
                    every
                        little
                            thing
                                afterwards
                that makes it feel like the whole world
is pitted against you.
                        Nothing is easy on those days.

I keep wanting to say that
                I don’t understand
        why
        or how
        or even what
But I don’t think that’s true.
                You told me why
                        And mental illness explains how
                                And I suppose I can take a blind guess at what
                                        without being too far off.
I think that the thing
                I really don’t understand
        is simply
you.

Loving you feels a lot like whiplash
The way you
            come
                 and
                             go
Or like the tide crashing angrily
Against the shore
                     in
                       and
                                       out
Or a buoy left forgotten in the middle of the sea
Forever bobbing
                              up
                        ­         and
                                                      down
Wi­th the uncertainty of your own emotions
Like when you
                                      want me
                                              and then
                                                            ­                           don’t

And you do this every time
You laugh with me at something stupid
        we saw on TV
And then you look at me with
        smiling eyes
And bring your face in so close that I think
        you might kiss me
And the air catches in my throat
        and I can’t move
                or breathe
                        or think
But then you don’t
                                and it’s over
And you leave me with
        a pounding heart
                and sweaty palms
                        and trembling lips