I keep wanting to say that
                I don’t understand
        why
        or how
        or even what
But I don’t think that’s true.
                You told me why
                        And mental illness explains how
                                And I suppose I can take a blind guess at what
                                        without being too far off.
I think that the thing
                I really don’t understand
        is simply
you.

Loving you feels a lot like whiplash
The way you
            come
                 and
                             go
Or like the tide crashing angrily
Against the shore
                     in
                       and
                                       out
Or a buoy left forgotten in the middle of the sea
Forever bobbing
                              up
                        ­         and
                                                      down
Wi­th the uncertainty of your own emotions
Like when you
                                      want me
                                              and then
                                                            ­                           don’t

And you do this every time
You laugh with me at something stupid
        we saw on TV
And then you look at me with
        smiling eyes
And bring your face in so close that I think
        you might kiss me
And the air catches in my throat
        and I can’t move
                or breathe
                        or think
But then you don’t
                                and it’s over
And you leave me with
        a pounding heart
                and sweaty palms
                        and trembling lips