Troublesome headache wont go away
Pain in my heart, and my left leg
Tears in my eyes, coffee in my hand
I walk on
Like I am invincible
As if Im not afraid
As if I dont fall down
As if I dont get hurt
Angry, throwing things around the room
It's to empty
No echoes of our screams
I want to breath with out the sob stuck in my throat
I want to close my eyes
And not see you
I want to lay in my bed
Without the company of the hot liquid down
My broken face
I want to be me without you
But I'm torn
I need one more hug to assure me
That you dont really hate me
I want to feel strong again
Instead of ill

if only i was the person i pretend to be,
the one that can take the blow
the one that smiles at the joke
the one who doesnt need to wipe her tears
the on who doesnt hear their murmured voices
of disgust, dissapointment
the one who didnt drive them away
if only i could be stronger
take the words shot like a gun
the one who doesnt break a little more
everytime they say things like
who are?
why do you believe in that?
how could you be friends with them?
if only i could bite my tongue
not lash out at them when they attack
only makes them come back
if only i could lift my shoulders
and smile in their faces
be nonchalant of the things they do
but im not, so i guess i rather be me
a fake smile, fake strenghth, put aside

I was afraid time had taken me
Farther then allowed, I would
Be trapped in this hellish dream
                                                             Forever
Unable to call for help because
Only I am here , all on my own
Caged and trapped with only my
Thoughts to hold in my sanity I
                                                                  Was
Scared to reach out my hand and
Feel the damp stony walls, I was
Scared of the deafening silence
That had swallowed me, it was
Too overwhelming it had been
                                                                   Too
Quite, almost as if I was being
Drown in noise, filling my lungs
Pushing against my heart, and
Blocking my throat, chocking on
It, there was the slight sigh in
The breeze of the air, where the
                                                                 Long
Pause broke through my body,
I was disintegrating slowly
Stuck here forever alone, no
One there with me, just the
Killing silence, my thoughts
and dreams

In time we all must fall upon the one we call
"the one", a story of love and passion
That always seems to end
A block in the fire lit path
One that stops the world
Your world
Once so perfect now tears you apart
One you never thought would end
But no story goes on forever
Happy endings don't exist
Love in my eyes was beautiful
Now is foolish
Heart scarred and bruised
Took too many blows
Would rather stay put in place
Then skip a beat, that will never be returned
For a temporary "love"

I was always good to you
I did everything I could
You always said you'd love me
I always thought you would
She has striking looks
The body of a *****
But she will never give you all the things you're missing
The things you always demand
Shes the one in command
You can try your hardest but you'll never see
That you depended, needed me
But that's okay that ******* your arm
She's beautiful,
But don't be fooled

Snow flakes falling in the abyss
Cold antic whispers of sin
The frozen trail deaths finger tips leave across your soul
Mendacious eyes in the dark
A crook of a finger
Leads you farther into the dark
Hand in hand with the beast with wings of the angles
Satans halo warped and bloodied
Stains of the sinners sins on his robe
Evil lays in wake, but slumbers deeply
Hope is running out
Tick of the cracked face clock
The night of an eclipse
Alls dark for a few seconds
****** a few innocents
Corrupt them
Then consume

This pen in my hand
Has a mind of its own
It writes by itself
Only my mind
Giving orders
To the tip spotted with ink
The words painted on
I gave a silent wink
To the masterpiece before me

Close the door to opportunity
I was so close
but it was like running in a dream
Trying so hard
But I feel locked down
My finger tips brushed it
But it slammed in my face
Sent me flying back
I fell over
I couldn't get back up
I was frozen in the essence of my failure
If only all was fair
But it isn't
So wishing on an empty sky
Is pointless
I have to pick it all back up
And start again from the beginning line
When the bell goes off
I'll run until my feet bleed
And my heart stops

Even though I'm hopeless
I try to keep on
But then everywhere I look
Tragedy strikes
Kills me a little more
I'm fighting not to cry
I'm fighting to look strong
But truth is I've died
I'm numb
Cold
Struggle to breath
I just need to cry
I need to let out this knocking pain
It's like an ocean
Drownding me
In my sorrows
Im alone with my misery
Take my hand
Bring me to the afterlife
It might be nice
I can breath in fresh air
Without their cryptic stare
I will be at rest
At peace

Hello,
Is anyone there
I'm looking for someone
To take away this pain
I dream of a faceless monster
I cry in my sleep
Somedays I wake up screaming
Trying to get away
Please let me rest!
My throat is hoarse
I've been screaming for you to leave
And yet still you won't
Please god save me
Why are you let this happen
My tears have drowned me
My sorrows swim around me
I wish this wasn't me
But it is
Maybe my nightmares will fade
I can only hope

Beware the steps you take
Are hazardous,
I am dangerous
Your fragile hands can break so easily
Think of your heart my dear
That would be tragic
If I tore from you
Your beating heart
My love is undying in your eyes
But I am not one to be loved
I do not deserve your faithful gaze
I hand you back your heart
But keep mine
I will always remember you love
For all time

I will sing for you, only you
I will wrap you in each melodic note
I will warm your soul with my hushed promises
I will right the wrongs with an octave so smooth
I will make you mine with these words
That slip from between my lips
I will illuminate  your heart with each word of my love
Undying ,
immortal,
never to be broken
Sing with me ,
I have no fear
The song comes freely,
of whatever I feel
Meet me halfway ,
with your words laced with lust and love,
a dangerous combination,
but so much fun
A laugh that's true ,
another part of this song
Symphony of love,
echoing between me and you

God my savior
Hear my prayer,
I have sinned a thousand times,
Took that which wasn't mine,
God my savior
My path has gone askew
So I beg on my knees
I ask you
Take my hand
Guide me from these unknown lands
God my savior
I have fallen at a crossroads
I look each way,
But I'm not sure which to go
God my savior
My tears are fresh
Damp on my cheeks
I feel foolish
Weak
God my savior
I feel so lost
I have wondered this same road
Looking for a place to call home
A place of my own
I've wandered alone
God my savior
I have broken bones
Broken by sticks and stones
Tossed from hates hands
Their words make me feel bland
God my savior
Save my soul
Torn and shredded
By their black stained claws
I felt the pressure of hells
Heated jaws
Across my neck so close to my end
I try to forget
Act like its pretend
God my savior
I hold myself up by my bloodied hands
God my savior
Please understand

The night is my mother 
Holds me, calms me 
Listens and doesn't judge 
Knows my secrets 
Doesn't tell 
Whispers sweet advice in my ear 
Brushes aside my hair 
I can hide in the silk folds 
Of the shadows the night brings 
I'm okay in her embrace 
I can wipe my tears knowing 
That she won't mind 
If only my biological mother 
Could see 
That her words sting me 
Put tears in my heart 
Push me farther away from her 
Makes me want to leave 
Permanently 
From this world 
From my life 
But the nights motherly caress
Spares my ebbing life

You can insult me
I don't mind
You can spew venom laced words my way
I'm immune
Just know that your words hold nothing on me
You just simply make me laugh
I am superior
You are weak
You try to hurt me
But I feel nothing
You only tire yourself
But enlighten me
What do you see
The outcome of your tantrum being?
Your mind is mysterious
So childish
I've matured
This is not the playground
I'm not here to play
So please throw your comments my way

I can't say that I was happy
Maybe the time we spent did mean something
Maybe the pain I felt was real and not just pretend
But I can't find the proof it must be hidden
                             My scars still hurt
                             My eyes aren't dry
                                  The tears I cry
                           There real, there real
We might not have been real but I can't say I didn't love you, I wish I could rewind back to the first day, back to when we didn't regret every kiss
                                   Between us
Why did we have to fall so far apart, that no glue
                          Could hold us together
               My hearts still beating but I can't feel
          My voice doesn't shake when I say your
                                         Name
                               But the tears I cry
                            There real, there real
                  Why can't you see you hurt me ?
                          Why can't you see me?
                         I'm falling from your grip
                          I'm falling I might slip
                      Catch me please catch me
                                My scars still hurt
                                My eyes aren't dry
                                 These tears I cry
           My hearts still beating but I still can't feel
       My voice doesn't shake when I say your name
                                  These tears I cry
           My heart still beating but I still can't feel
       My voice doesn't shake when I say your name
                                  These tears I cry

Wind across my face
Sun warms my blood
Grass rubs along my skin
Close my eyes to see your face
My heart sputters and begins to race
A silent smile on my lips
A feeling so mischievous
Turn my head to the side
Your eyes lock with mine
Hand in hand we look up
Into the endless, boundless sky

That night I was so young,
My eyes took in a gruesome scene
Fresh years wet my eyes
I wasn't ready for her to die
I hate that man for what he did
He yelled and screamed and hid
The lights and sirens loud a firce
I run for safety and let them in
God help me I am so scarred
Just don't let them see
This trembling pain inside me
And as I thought that she was dead
Her life flowed back inside instead
And time went on and now I feel
As if my life's fake and not real
Treated like dirt, spit on,
She's not thankful that I saved her life

I see but I don't observe,  I see these trees' but do I actually see them? the billowing leaves in their natural luster, I see them as not individuals but a thick cluster, I observe and I see that each is different, some yellowing, some turning a vibrant red, and some as green as when they first sprouted, this same principle goes for how I see but do not observe people, I see hair color, skin color, eyes, and shapes, but I have not observed
Had I, I could've seen personality, my foolish eyes lead me to see apprence, so I will not judge by what I see, but of what I observe

Eyes of blood red,
drip tears on to the white snow,
veins black she looks back at me before she's completely taken over,
her body only a host, a shell for the monster beneath her bruised skin, 
Her once bouncy hair,
now stuck to her face and falling out in clumps, 
I'm scared but I must save her, 
Before she is lost, 
The rambling beast spat curses in every language
I called for Christ power to flow through my curbs and empower me,
And in the name of my heavenly father
I demanded the name of the beast curled in unnatural ways before me
It fought with all it had, threw my sins before my eyes 
And yet again in my Fathers name 
I demand his name
His true name
Let me leash this rambling beast
For I see you true identity
You have no power here
He lost grip, 
He fell 
I sent him back to hell

I gave everything I had and you just let it all blow away in the wind,
like nothing had ever crossed our once star struck paths, I was struck in the heart,
That blow should've killed me,
I shouldve drowned in the open sea
But you resuscitated me
I would have died you see
I can't look in your eyes
I know that's  were my heart once lied, ,
I begged for you to be,
One hundred percent true to me
But you couldn't be
You hurt me
Left me bleeding into the ground
So lucifers hungry souls could feast
You were an evil beast
I miss the warmth and peace

Do you remember the melody
Your heart once sang with me
It was a masterpiece
It was truly unique
The gods bowed their heads in the presence
I used my last regrets
I promised That I wouldn't forget
That song that we once sang
Ill remember that day

When I saw you leave
It was so hard but so full of relief
I was sad for days
I resented the month of may
On may 28th
We'd sang out song
I remember how you smiled
I had felt at home for awhile
But you had evicted me

Do you remember the melody
Your heart once sang with me
It was a masterpiece
It was truly unique
The gods bowed their head in the presence
I used my last regret
I promised I wouldn't forget
That song that we once sang
I'll remember that day

They broke her down,
Her tears stained her face,
She cried for them and cried from her hurt,
She wished that they could change,
She wished she was made of the strongest steel
But she wasn't, and they wouldn't
So she picked her self up from the dirt,
Put ice in her heart, and never let anyone near it
On the days went, until the young man she met,
Slowly melted the ice, and in return filled it with warmth, he'd been her first kindness, he was her first love

They say we have freedom,
But why do I feel so trapped?
I feel like a prisoner in a mild prison,
I can't understand why people degrade each other for who they are, what they like, who they love,
It's not the world I want to be apart of,
If the things we want the most are war, hate, and rudeness,

The nights air danced on my skin,
I waited for him,
A smile on my face and my heart in its place,
I waited for him,
A knot in my belly, and a glisten in my eyes,
I waited for him,
Teeth on my bottom lip and perched in my chair,
I waited for him,
And when a car pulled up and he wasn't there,
I could feel my heart stop,
The man took off his hat and bowed his head,
And I knew it then,  my father was dead

All the flowers slung low to the frosted ground,
But one that shone above the others,
That vibrant flower trying so hard to impress,
But the cold frosted flowers paid no mind to it,
The vibrant flower soon discouraged,
Covered it'd petals with dirt,
And soon began to blend in,
Why must we all be the same?
When we are all born unique,
They don't appreciate their own uniqueness,
So they shoot down yours,
This vicious cycle repeating,
When will it end?

I was following my heart, through the thick smoke,
I was in a dreamscape, a land so new and fragile,
To my destructive finger tips, my breath came shakily from between plump lips,
I squinted through the smoke, a figure stood in the cover, every good sense in me told me to turn back,
Run away! But I was so tired of running, I wanted to face what scared me, so desperately,
Parting each layer that stood between me and the shadowed figure, I grew anxious, my heart sped,
Steeling my heart, I parted the last layer,
And baffled by my findings,
I was standing nose to nose, shoulder to shoulder,
With me,
I thought this had to be a cruel joke,
And with a broken cry,
I saw the truth,
I was afraid of myself,
How do you face your biggest fear, when it's you?

In my heart I know we'll drift apart,
But I want it to be like it always has been,
I'm scared to see that we might not be,
The people we thought we were,
I want our lives to stay the same,
But truth states that we always change,
Even if we never see it ,
It's there and it can't be stopped ,
So hold on to those few precious moments we had,
Because once we start to drift,
The ocean will not be so kind to float us back ashore

I lay here picturing how this school year will be,
Even though I know it will never be what I imagine,
There will be drama, and hurt feelings,
Tears, and laughter, love, and love loss,
Laying here I'm anxious to find out, but also scared,
I'm not a really shy person, but my insecurities always seem to drag me away from my true potential,
Maybe this year will be full of good memories,
Maybe it will be my worst year,
But it does no good to lay here,
Torturing myself with the "maybes"  Or "what ifs' "
I have to live and endure it to truly find out

You hold me in your arms,
Try to keep me from harm,
You try and be my shield,
Every unwelcome guest made to yield,
This pain I seem to feel,
Only thing that keeps this real,
My only reprieve ,
From this tainted world,
Is your whispers in my ear,
Your the only reason I'm still here,
Don't want you to leave,
Surely the hurt I'll receive,
Keep my mind from the past,
My first breath is my last,
Ive given up my sun,
To stay in darkness so I don't have to run,
From the memories that sustain,  
There the core of my pain

Clouds close around me,
They pull and tell me who to be,
It's dark but there is light,
I close my eyes and fight,
The wind blows,
And my true identity shows,
I'm scared to be so vulnerable,
But I have to open up into reality,
I can't hide behind a fake me,
But I hate who I am,
I hate knowing they can see me,
This storm inside billows and roars,
Like a shaking quivering shore,
Like a satin dress that's torn,
A cracked board keeping score,
Like an old clock ticking on,
Like a dry and dead lawn,
So here I am,
Layed out to you,
Scared and vulnerable but hopeful

My mother is strong,
She raised me and my sister,
Alone ,
No one to help her,
My mother is strong,
she threw away,
All the evil men that had tried to bring her down,
My mother is strong,
She never cried in front of us,
My mother is strong,
She learned to laugh when things got hard,
My mother is strong,
She help be our light when things were too dark to face on our own,
My mother is strong,
She never left a moment dull in our lives,
My mother is strong,
She made things fun even though we didn't have money,
My mother is strong,
When my sister left she lifted her head and smiled
Even though I knew she was breaking,