You’ve changed,
It’s obvious to see.
I know it’s deranged,
How much you mean to me.

It doesn’t matter though,
Not like you ever cared.
It was all an act, a show,
Everything we shared.

You lied so much,
And yet you still act all righteous.
You’ve lost touch,
And have become vicious.

Do you know how much you’ve hurt my heart?
How ******* up I’ve been made?
Now we have grown apart,
The last brick has been laid.

So much time has come and gone,
Yet I still feel like you’re the one,
The person who is meant to be
With me, and only me.
Here we are at an impasse
Not quite sure if even our friendship will last,
But nevertheless I grasp onto it still
Trying to forget what I feel.
And somewhere you are doing fine
Completely happy that you’re not mine
Living with other regrets
But none that deal with our past.
And here I am, still crying out
Wish I knew what this was all about
Wondering if I will ever be okay
And when this pain with go away.

Something is different
Everything seems new
And right on the surface
I know the reason is you.
A new way of thinking
And a joy in my walk
But the strangest thing is
Maybe it isn’t just small talk.
An interesting view
From my freshly opened eyes
Could it be real,
Or another one of my lies?
But for once I am not betting
For the ending to be tragic
On the contrary
I am thinking more so magic.

Every day I think of you
And everything you've put me through
But I can't help to feel
That what we had was pure and real.
It was long ago when you left town,
Less time since you broke my heart and let me down
But all this pain still feels so new
And no matter what I can’t get rid of you.

There was a time when you made me smile
But it hasn’t been like that for a while.
Now it seems that there are only tears,
And the sadness from these last few years.
I keep on waiting to feel okay
But then comes in another rainy and dark day.
I don't know if I'll be alright
Even with all my strength and might.

If it were up to me I would forget you
And all the memories too,
But I know I would regret it,
That without you there would be an empty pit.
I don't know if I would be better off
Because of you I am not so soft,
And I am who I am today
Because of everything you didn’t say.

Woke up today,
Just like every other day,
Still feeling this pain
It just won’t go away.
I think of you,
All the **** you put me through
And how she gets the ‘I do’.

But it doesn’t change a thing,
You aren’t even listening,
And no matter the words I say
You won’t be mine,
So I’ll just bide my time.

Every day is another problem
For me to get caught in.
It is one thing or another
Issues flock together,
Two birds of a feather.

But no big deal,
Time will heal,
At least that’s what they say
Back in the day
When we are just kids
Our lives yet lived.

But we know it is wrong,
In truth we need to grow strong
As soon as we can
So we can take a stand
Against all that shoots us down
And makes us drown
In our own misery
So we can finally breathe.

Keep telling myself I am fine,
But honestly I know
That I am losing my mind.
Struck with obsession,
One thing in my head,
Must not have learned my lesson.
Reaching for normalcy,
Striving for sane,
But I know that
I am not okay.
It is a pain in my heart
That just won’t go away,
A wish in the air that
Will never fade.
He is all that I am not,
Everything I want,
But he will never be mine,
He will never be caught.

Losing myself to emotions uncharted
A sea of confusion
Leaving me broken hearted.

Forgetting my place in the reality,
The lines getting blurred
More and more frequently.

Missing out on everything normal,
Stuck in a dream,
A fantasy so palpable.

Knowing you will never know me,
A truth I try
To never see.

Here we go again,
Down a cursed road,
Trying not to worry
While carrying this heavy load.
It really isn’t your fault,
For I am damaged goods,
So take it as a grain of salt
And head for the woods.
Don’t let me near your life
Or close to you at all
Because in a matter of time
I will surely fall.
Please guard yourself against
My misconceptions
And make sure to say the truth
And leave no perceptions.
Of course I would advise
No contact whatsoever
But you are so kind
And don’t know better.
So naïve and clueless boy
Run as fast as you can
Because before long
I will want you as my man.

It’s easy to move on when you forget what you had.
It’s easy to be happy if you can’t remember you are sad.
But when you are me and you remember everything
Nothing seems as simple as it should be.
Memories hit and so does the pain
And you eventually remember that you are to blame.
I’ve known all along what you did wrong
And had to live every day thinking you were gone.
Now you are back and I don’t understand
It is like you aren’t you, now just a man.
That’s why I lied; I saw the joy in your life.
I knew if I revealed who you are
It would tear that apart.
And I just couldn’t bear to be
The one to destroy the life you have built.
I wish we could go back and erase our past
And start over with each other,
That we didn’t have to suffer.
I can’t though, the damage is dealt,
Everything you have done
And everything I have felt.
I owe you for what I am
And everything I can be
Because without you
There wouldn’t be me,
Not really.

My heart is on my sleeve,
Easy to access
Easier to leave.

I know it shouldn’t be this way,
So simple for me to be hurt
And for love to go astray.

I am not prepared to place a lock,
Cause my heart to shut
Or block.

It isn’t anyone’s fault but my own,
I am the one that let them
Be shown.

Maybe it was wrong to be so open,
Yet I know that my emotions
Are what I place hope in.

I sit and I wait for things to reveal,
And pray that I don’t
Regret what I feel.