I dont know what im doing wrong anymore. Im sorry.

I give up with this thing called trying
Because every night ive ended in crying.

Im out world...
It was a good run.

The only men I trust are
Jim
Jack
And
José.



Whiskey bent and Hell bound.

Flirtation, flirtation
All around hip rotations

Late night happenings
And morning strips

One night stands
And 18 year holds

Whiskey and bourbon are the life of gleam
That help me look Death in the eye with a kean smirk.

Death is a dear friend, that I hold close but at bay.

But every night I take a sip of that whiskey and look straight into his eyes and see the happiness of a life worth living.

Happy girl, that doesnt care shes gotten better she has the gleam back in her eye.


Sad girl, that hides it all shes gotten worse she has death in her eye.

Slutty *****.
Not enough.
Emo cycle.
One of the regulars.

Deadbeat lowlife ******.

Im sorry Angel for being a **** friend.
Im sorry mom and jen for being a **** daughter.
Im sorry Daniel and Zach and Robert for being a **** girlfriend.
Im sorry world for being a **** person.
Im sorry Angel for being a sluttly friend.
Im sorry mom and jen for you not being proud of me.
Im sorry Daniel and Zach and Robert for being such a *****.
Im sorry.
I really ******* am.
Im just kind of done.
I give up.
I GIVE UP.
You ******* win...
You
*******
Win...

What are you? How do you describe yourself?

A burn out. Hoodlum. Someone who will amount to nothing.



I give thanks to you Todd. Ricky. Tommy and those people from the apartments. Thank you. Because now, I can't ******* do a ******* thing without everything that happened, appearing again. Now it's worse, because I feel it all over again.

Real Eyes,
                 Realize,
                              Real Lies*.

K.

Pretty positive that in all of my lives this is how it will be.
I'll just be the Slutty Stripper that has an Alcohol and ******* problem.

It doesn't matter and I know I need to focus on myself right now but it's kind of hard when all of these love songs and heartbreak songs come on the radio and I see happy couples married, engaged, or just dating around and knowing in the back and front of my mind that all I have going for me is a life of Alcohol, *******, Prison, and Jail.

But that's okay.
Because I'd rather suffer this thing I call my life alone than drag someone through it that isn't skilled enough for the journey.

He's too old.
He's over me.
He's going off to college.
He ignores me.
He doesn't feel the same.
It's not beautiful falling in Love easily.
It hurts worse than a knife in your heart.

He's back... and he makes
me smile like he's known me
forever.

The sole fact that you have
to tell me that there's nothing
wrong with me, is a big hint
that there is.
And I see it now, I didn't
when you said it but, GOD,
do I do now...

Love..
Such a ******* word filled
with lies and broken
promises..
This is a word for people
who believe in happy
endings, this will never truly
come to those who don't.

You know love?
Its ******* *******. Absolute utter ******* ******* that the world feeds you to think that maybe, just maybe someone out there will actually be mine. But no of course not, di not believe in love it ***** you everytime and walks away.

Hes... perfect.
Everything ive ever wanted.
Its real this time, for me.
And I admitted it to myself, so there isnt any backing down.
I just wish I knew what he felt, if he likes me like he does her.

Its not the same as the last "loves" that ive had.
Its new.
Its real this time.. and I know it
And I want it, but I dont think it wants me

I want him.
I admit finally...
I want him and I dont know how to stop.

I understand. Not because you want me to but because in my own way ive been in your place. I know that whatever happens youll be there.

It isnt much and I have no idea what youre going through and I wish I did so I could possibly do something because youre my best friend and I hate seeing you like this and it kills me knowing that I cant stop it or take it away, but one day well get there. You have to believe me and I know youre going through depths of Hell even I havent explored and you dont see much hope or at all. But one day, babe. We will get there one day. And  if you have to move to Mississippi just to stay on this earth, that okay because yes I will miss you. Yes it will feel like I am missing a very large part of me and I will be, but in time it will be okay because I will see you again. I promise to you Angel, that one day we will get there wherever it may be. We will make it and we will thrive, I swear to you.

Do you even care?

Do you even know?

I hope that you've fallen in Love with this girl, I hope that you're happy together and that you picture you both going somewhere together.

I hope she leaves you without explanation, I hope that she comes back a month from now and then leaves again.

Tears your ******* heart out. But leaves you waiting and wanting and needing...

Every. Single. Time.

It hurts.
To look at you and you completely look passed.
It hurts.
Because I don't what else to do but want you.
It feels like I need you, and I do.


And **** is it Hell.

I did not know him in my past, personally.
But to have the honour to ****** with you, Jeff.
That thought is just...

Murderous.

The Noble War is the one that I face.
The Noble War will leave blood in the streets.
The Noble War,
Is coming.

Be ready.

I am not scared for the things waiting for me.
I know I will feel the rush of blood over my hands and hear the screams of terror once more.
I am a Killer.
And one day.
I will **** your *** with vigor.

Quiet minds are always the Killers.

Maybe next month or next year I will feel the calmness rush through me as I feel the last beat of your heart and the Deadness fill your eyes.

Maybe somethings wrong.
I do not believe someone is supposed to think the thoughts that I do.
Blood squirting across the room making a masterpiece of Crimson.
The sound of flesh tearing and bones breaking.
The horrific squeals of creatures as I peel the skin back inch by tethered inch.
Maybes somethings wrong.
Maybe a wires loose.
Maybe it'll be 3 years.

Do not come to me with apologies and ask of my forgiveness.
I do not want nor do I need you.
You are below me, and I will see to it that you be removed from this Planet.
By.
My.
Own.
*******.
Hands.

Its Not The Way The Knife Goes That Matters,
Its The Way The Blood Squirts That Does.

22 Credits.
Is all I need.
22 Credits.
And I can be free.
22 Credits.
I just need this small deed.
22 Credits.
And I can finally... be me.

WE SHOULD BE PRAISED.
WORSHIPPED.
******* HONOURED!

And all you do on this wonderous day is fill it with the smoke of ****
Instead of shotgun shells and carbine bullets.

This is the revolution made of our blood
All yall ******* rolling in mud.
Lighting up instead of sparking up.
Maybe instead we can mark it up.
Start running cause we started spraying
Are you still praying?
Young Eric Harris
And the God of Sadness
Coming back to finish what we started.

Thinking.
Driving.
Arriving.
Starting.
Shooting.
Welcome to our little judgement day.

I know it's hard right now, love but take care of yourself
We just have to make it out of this living Hell.
If you hold on, ill hold on too
We can do this together
Trust me, I do.
I know its tempting to take a walk to the Gates
Of the Spirits, but With you alive and well
We can feel Mississippi again.
Just hold on, hold on the Girl with the Blue Bandana.

Gone. Their all finally gone.
I've thought and twisted with every turning doubt, how can I die if others care?
And now... their gone.
Only 8 more days till I can see the Devil himself.

Work.
Work.
Work.
Test.
Test.
Test.
Notes.
Notes.
Notes.




This ******* school makes me want to shoot myself.
Can NOT wait till our little judgment day.

She's beauty she's grace
She'll punch you right in the face.
She's blue she's gray
She lives right by the bay.
She's the girl in the blue bandana.

She's Mississippi she's Louisiana
So believe me when I say God gave me her.
Because she is an Angel in disguise
With her wings tucked back,
But soon she will fly and soar away from here
In look for more.
She deserves the world the planets and the galaxy
But only receives the dirt gravel and plunder.

I love her beyond belief because she is my Blonde BFF.

I CANT ******* DO IT ANY ******* MORE!!!!!!!!
There are to many memories.
There are ******* reminders every ******* where.
I just
goddamnn IT ******* ALL OF IT TO ******* HELL.
i AM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF ******* **** THAT EVEN THE ******* ******* DEVIL WOULDNT DANCE WITH.
SO DO NOT SIT THERE AND ******* TELL ME I AM WORTH EVERYTHING AND THE ******* MOON.
DO NOT COMPARE THE ******* VALUE OF THE MOON TO A DISGUSTING ******* ***** LIKE ME.
** I AM WORTH ******* NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am a drunken mistake.
I am a drunken in the moment mistake.
I am worth nothing but the fact that my mother gets more tax money than with one child.
I am nothing because my lungs dont work. I CANT EVEN ******* BREATH PROPERLY! Do you know how ******* suckish that is?
I am worth nothing because He, She, They told me so. I CANT EVEN LOOK IN THE ******* MIRROR WITHOUT SEEING THAT SCARED 8 YEAR OLD.
I am worth nothing because I have nothing to offer.
Im not pretty. Inside or Out.
Im not skinny. In Any Way.
Im not a ******. Because I was Stupid.
Im scarred. Because Im Weak.
I want to ******* throw away my life. Im going to anyway. Why not start early?

Do not question my sanity for I have but none.
Do not ask me to hope for I have but none.
Do not ask me to look for better days because there are but none.
Do not ask me to live because I have but very few reasons too.
Do not ask me.

Do tell me to **** myself.
Do tell me all of the things you hate about me.
Do tell me things that you wouldnt.
Do tell me.

Please answer me. This one, simple ******* question.
Why?
Why am I still here? I'm a piece of ******* nothing that everybody in this ******* world hates. Mom. Sister. Uncle's. Aunts. My whole ******* family.
I ******* hate it. Stop ******* lying to me please.
Just hate me please. Hate me. Hate me. Hate me. Hate me. Hate me. Hate me. Hate me. Hate me. Hate me like I do. Hate me like my family. Treat me like I do myself. Treat me like the piece of nothing I am. Just ******* hate me for THE LOVE OF ******* GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I deserve nothing, because thats what I am.
I deserve nothing, because thats what I am.
I deserve nothing, because thats what I am.
I am nothing.
I am ****.
I deserve to die, and rot away with the worms and bugs of the underground.
I am a hopeless cause that will aspire to nothing.
I want to go into a whole and never come out until I am retracted in a body bag.
Leave me. Hate me. Please.
Hate me so I have nothing.
Hate me because deep deep down thats what you want to do.
Hate me because I will drag you further and further into the hole of nothingness that others call my being.
Hate me because I hate myself.
So now answer me this.
Why?

Dylan Klebold (17)... Senior.... September 11, 1981- April 20, 1999
Eric Harris (18)... Senior.... April 9, 1981- April 20, 1999
Cassie Bernall (17)... Senior.... November 6, 1981- April 20, 1999
Lauren Townsend (18)... Senior.... January 17, 1981- April 20, 1999
Rachel Scott (17)... Senior.... August 5, 1981- April 20, 1999
Corey DePooter (17)... Senior.... March 3, 1982- April 20, 1999
Daniel Mauser (15)... Sophy.... June 25, 1983- April 20 1999
Daniel Rhohrbough (15)... Sophy.... March 2, 1984-  April 20, 1999
Dave Sanders (47)... Old ****.... October 22, 1951- April 20, 1999
Kelly Fleming (16)... Junior.... January 6, 1983- April 20, 1999
Steve Curnow (14)... Freshmeat.... August 28, 1984- April 20, 1999
Matt Kechter (16)...Sophy.... February 19, 1983- April 20, 1999
Isaiah Shoels (18)... Senior.... August 4, 1980- April 20, 1999
John Tomlin (16)... Junior.... September 1, 1982- April 20, 1999
Kyle Velasquez (16)... Junior....May 5, 1982- April 20, 1999

Happy 4-20!!

Where people blaze it and shoot it
Where the blunts and joints are welcomed,
As are the guns and shells.

Where people have lived and died.
From Bob Marley to Adolf ******.
From Dixon to Columbine.

This day is momentous known for two very different things:
Marijuana and 15 lives.


We hope you have a great time on this wondrous day!!

I am the loser friend.
I am the one who will never acheive to much.
I am the one who isnt worth much.
Not given much anything.
At least I know.

******* used to clown me but now they surround me, my mom tries to ground me i might just slap her or even cap her. dont she know im a rapper

I'm  not ready                                                            I have no
                                                                                     No clue of
                                                                                     My name
                                                                                    
                                                                                     I all I  
                                                                                    Know is that  
                                                                                     I was the
                                                                                    Best FRIEND.
To learn what
I already Know.

ThAt I was
More or less
A biTch.

I hurt hEr
But oh well
She huRt him

It could've been
Resolved but she
Decided she waNted
To be free.

I just made
Him hAppy.

I was the                                                        I waS the
                                                            Child of thE
                                                           ­     Most weLl known
                                                           ­            ActrEss of all
                                                             ­                 Nobody would predict
                                                         ­                 ThAt a child
                                                                ­       Would die so
                                                                        Young.
Girl with a
RocKstar boyfriend.

  I hAd the look.
     aTtitude.
       Really I had
It all. Until one
daY I lost every-
thiNg.

I was A                                                              ­                I was thE
                                                           ­                                   Second woman
                                                           ­                                  Into this Vaulted
                                                       ­                                       Dome of what
                                                            ­                                  We call Earth.
Goddess raining
From above.

I had The
Power of a
       THousand men

               I was known for my
   purEness
      ANd for my latching onto
      wAr.