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I remember a time
Last year
When I'd wake up
Wanting nothing more
Than just to go back to bed

But then I met a girl
And I became happy
And I loved her
And I didn't even
Have to wait for my alarm
Every morning

Eventually,
My happiness spread
And I started getting
Out of bed
For other friends;
Other things

And that girl
Became jealous
And worried,
Evidently rightly,
That I'd stop needing her
And I'd want to move on

And somehow,
Ironically in large part
Because of her fears,
Because of her worries
Both of those things
Became true

And now
I almost dread
Getting up again
And I always
Just want to be asleep
Because I don't want her
To keep being sad
Take Note..
(This is how a heart breaks)
It starts with a look
leading to hand-holding
and light conversation
     (with an underlying current of something deeper)
Cold nights fast approach
and body holding
and murmurs of sweet nothings,
just reveling in the warmth
     (and something warmer)
Blazing furiously, a passionate
burning and consuming
like fire to an old wooden house
     (but that house is you)
Forgetting each other
blinded by the lies of forever
never, ever questioning
     (but of course, it doesn't work if you can see)
Then weeks transform into month
slower than molasses on a cold day
drifting, little by little
     (but so little you never know)
Hand-in-hand walking starts to feel different
'til that one day, 'til you reach that one day
where everything subsides
      (no reason, no rhyme, a thorough good-bye)
Walking away
you must never look back
never knowing how tears could form a mask
     (why?)
I pulled out my drawer
and it was full of our memories
My heart was still beating
Its beating for you
And everything became still
I felt your shattering words
New memories became history
These movies became photos
And our love became a distant past
Oh why won't it last
Why won't it last
And I hear my waves come crashing

It was my fault this time
I pushed you away with my words
I've never felt love like yours
So true and refined
Like an old bottle of wine
And now my heart feels like
an unfinished painting
I can't keep on waiting
for this love to come back
So I'll close my drawer
Sealing it up
Boarding it up
Closing it up
I feel my heart break

And now I can't feel you
And now I can't see you
I'll clench my sturdy fist
Squeezing away the pain
Of loss and insanity
Quietness, and tranquillity
Of my heart
Of my heart
It's the start
Of something that is more
Open and close the door
Of my heart
Of my heart
I still miss you

I've changed, I've changed
And my heart, my heart
Is in flames, in flames
Come back, my love
I've changed, I'm the same
I won't lie any more
I won't cry any more
I can't die any more
Don't know why any more
I've gone and lost my way
I dont know what to say
Im lost.


I still feel your lips
Pressing against mine
And I can still feel our hearts
Tightly intertwined,
These wounds are still bleeding,
They will heal in time...
And even though I feel. like this
I'll be fine, I'll be fine
And this time, this time
My heart is heavy and
my knees are weak
And the more of this I speak of
The more it just hurts
So that's just proof
I'll be fine.
With your heart
In mine
I've never hated someone
But for the love of god
Everything about your presence
Your existence
Makes me want to throw up
All the food I ever swallowed
You betrayed me
You make me angry
And spiteful and unkind
Livid
*******
You're palms against a burning stovetop
You're surgery without anesthesia
You're a world without music
You're Germany  in 1942
You're everything I could possibly hate about the world
My wrath toward you
Eats away at me
It eats away at the love I have for
The boy
You so cruelly tore away from me
Him and I
Were well sewn fabric
And you
Are a scissor
That cleanly cut away
What seems
Like *everything
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