starting over was a scary option
because i already spent over 500
of my days with someone
so insignificant compared to
the infinite amount of hours i
want to spend feeling your heartbeat
when i hold your hand

nevertheless i am happy
i grasped your hand instead

s h
a     k
i   n
   g
you were
s ha king
your life was planned out
by medical folders
hospital patient
hospital worker
you knew all about the
effects taking place in your body
but you were
r o o t e d
like a tree standing lone in a
h
u
  r
   r
    i
     c
      a
       n
        e
the angels were on your side
and you kept your smile
beside your bed in a glass box
as you slept

you wore it every morning

three years wasn't a long time but
it was long enough to travel the world
you were
j i tt
       e r
            y
like a child on christmas morning
but this wasn't a holiday
and you broke the glass that held
the only thing keeping your head high

"i'm going to die anyway"

yet you were rooted
both feet planted on the ground
a
j o u r
ne y
you were ready to walk
a dirt road followed by angels in white
optimism carried on silver platters

a week to a month wasn't long enough for
travelling to snow covered peaks and screaming
"i am free and you cannot change me"
you cannot change me
you cannot
change me
you stood
a l o n e
among angels covered in grime
silver platters turned to dust and
smiles falling, fading, gone
yet you
p
l
  a
   n
     t
      e
       d
both feet firmly to the ground and spoke
the words that tore the dirt off angels covered
in mud, brought snow covered peaks to you
"you cannot change me,
i am s t ro ng wi ll ed"

hospital bed
hospital room
hospital worker
you are brave

fill me with marks to remind me
you are here with me always
lips pressed to my skin i wanted
sanity infused with red bruises
caused by love, they weren't bruises at all
leave symbols of yourself
all over my body so i know
i will always be your favorite project
let me inflict my words while you
grab my hand tighter
leave me speechless
let your lips dance smoothly
all around me and caress
my every last thought
let your heart intertwine with mine
seeds planted years ago
it's amazing how tall a tree can become
in five years, how littered with marks
lovers left behind they grow
without hatred without sadness
show me how eternity works
leave marks that will fade but i
can trace for the rest of my life
because those were the first

oftentimes i have told you
i hate the snow even though
it's a beautiful sight to see
but today i awoke to
snow dancing through the sky
landing gracefully on treetops
and some of it fell to my heart
i love the snow because
you love the way it falls and
how the color white isn't a color
i love the snow because it gives
me chances to sled with you
inside snow covered kisses
and frostbitten noses
i love the snow because it reminds me
there is beauty in things other than
the way you look at me
i love the snow because you taught me how

oftentimes i have told you
the snow only creates messes
even though it's just trying
to see itself as beautiful
but today i awoke to
streets covered head to toe
in sheets of a color that does not exist
and i could not help but laugh
to find myself smiling and whispering
your name because it was
almost as amazing of  sight to see
drifts of snow covering bald spots on
the earth than it is to see
you light up when you see flurries
i love the snow because you taught me
not everything in the world is trying
to cause mayhem around me
i love the snow because you taught me how