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You give me more pain
When I can't stand
the pain I've got
In human
The pain comes through more than the peace
In spirit
The peace comes through
more than
the
pain
I thought about killing myself many times
Once when he told me the pills took weren't enough
A time when the oncoming cars felt enough
The bringing myself to the not good I'm not tough
The worst is the pain when feel not or never really loved
Your heart breaks you take what you should
It's a shame we deserve all we feel we could
Fresh morning breeze
Sun smiling through the trees
Honeycomb and white chocolate cookies
Hot chocolate with marshmallows
Yes please!
:-)
Moth fly towards your light
Though remember not all is moons rite
Wings beat in the dark
You are still whole between the stars
Mountain daisy
Standing tall
You grew aloft against harsh weather and odds
So pretty as the sky and earth your home
You can see the land below
And the view gives you a reach to know
Though you stand there
all
alone
He didn't like to dance
I made him     move
And he loved it!
How many times did you **** yourself
How many times did you let yourself die  
Did you bury it all deep just trying to get by
It was dusty in those display cases
The artefacts collecting dust
All cases shown to have pieces that tell a story of past
Broken bits, some pieces put back together or at least appearing that way
Some aged objects that really should be thrown away
Shiny treasures from precious times
Many torn fabrics worn and faded
Golden ornaments, which after time
can seem jaded
Simple tools that mean and make so much
Scattered sounveniers you just feel, no need to handle for touch
All these pieces come together as part of something more whole
Even the sections less inclined to want to see or know
A story of past life
A room with a view
Locked encased
Sweet sentiments and heavy paste
Works of innermost part
Central creations
A museum of my heart
Care taking occupation
Music bought  
        Stored to the heart        
  Dancing with the beat
Memory complete
Filed within
Sweet
Deep
Rich
Juicy
Succulent
Tasty
Hot
Satisfying
Fruity
Filling
Flavoursome
Mix it up with spice
Yep! Tomatoes on toast never sounded so nice ;)
She was never really gonna be understood
and that's something she came to understand
Come rest awhile
Here by the hollow tree
Nestle upon the dirt
Roots grow support beneath
You will not feel a scratch from me
My darkness
your shade
shall
be
You don't bring me
flowers anymore
You give me roses
in my heart
The thorns are still there
but
they are beautiful
too!
My flower
has grown from seeds of doubt
buried in the
deep
My flower has grown through mud and sorrow planted for safe keep
My flower has grown through rain and storm and echoed from below
My flower has merged to the other side to see the seeds bloom and grow
My flower basks in summer skies and sways strongly in the breeze
My flower is beautiful in every sense in its glory and it's delicacy
My flower is a picture of love of hope of courage and of truth
I'm not sorry to say my love this flower
reminds me of you
💕
🌸
Up the hill to climb
Rocks to step underfoot
Stumble then to rise
Only way to go
Place your weary feet
into my mould
My footprints
shall
guide you
home
I don't want you on top of me
or underneath (well not today)
I want you alongside me
To hold my hand in yours
where it fits so perfectly
The house I live in I am grateful for
It has a room a place to put a bed
Warmth from roof to floor
Years gone by in this old home
A place to share have meals and have some space to roam
The problem is the damp and mould it grows and grows
It has been seen to but not fixed
A clean home would be lovely to breathe in fresh air
A garden for dog to run around without a care
Trying to push past comfort zones to have a healthy happy comfy home
It's difficult but we try
Know I am lucky in someone else's eye
My love
My Leon
When we met I noticed you
I remember the way you turned that picture frame and tidied up the outside table
You seemed a sense of age in your soul
You also have your youthful buoyant energy
You intrigued me with your many facets
The energetic
The concentration of the chess game
Your wisdom
The beauty and engagement of your gaze
You intrigued and amazed
Those days
Each time you came to call I was happy to have you around
I enjoyed our many chats and just sitting together side by side
Your company made me smile
When you first kissed me it took me by surprise
I knew I wanted to though didn't expect it when the time came
I like your cheeky ways and the way you speak directly but with kindness too
I'm so glad we met and I'm so glad to be with you
I love you
My Leon
The picture frame said Love
Been ill for few months now
Losing my energy small moments per day
I have asked God to take me away if I am to go soon
I today surrendered
Not before putting on my leopard print pants
Well I had to make some effort
I'm still here at this time
My love is your love
but is it
ever enough
Rejection
I keep meeting with it
One day it'll fly away
My love,
will be enough
People have told me I think too much
I think they are right
Though I won't change it
It's a part of me
There are many unanswered questions
A lot lies in perception
We see things as we think we see
Until maybe that sight may change
As our mind sifts through the times we have been through through the moments we have bore witness to and the future for which we may grow we see the waves and patterns from feelings breathing times of high or low
There are so many mysteries of this world some still waiting to show
I just let the words flow
What will come out I don't always know
Sometimes
words
are all I have
Don't take them away
They belong to my heart
I need them to fight
for you and I
some other cloudy day
I'm naive
Who?
me??
Bow to You
Divinely Beautiful
Soul to Soul
Contact
3am
Witching hour
For so many years became my alarm clock
Didn't need to see the time
Just woke
If nature requires another view

                        up again
Climb back

Slide
     back down the pit if that's what it must do

      Will to find way
             - A way to see it through

Grace further ground by path of faithful trust

Once useful aid some structures perish into ruin

        Crumbling fragments
                               Tumble into dust

Changing any form to which is best for you


                   Work up skeleton feeling as you go


          Stretch up high as movement starts to grow

Coiled up snake lying in the bones
The radiators been leaking all day
Buckets filled
Emptied
Back and to
Drips from the ceiling
This house like the money pit
Try all day to smile
Be grateful
Know a lot more worse off
But state of these rented accommodations inside just reeling
Drink some more wine
Before water too leaks from these eyes
Nepenthe!

Nepenthe!!

I forget where you went.....

I'm  Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!....................­.........................................


Now where's that Nepenthe?
You are the centre of your own universe
But can you
lie
between
dark and light
Morning comes with you first thought
By night time tired distraught
I may even dream of you
You will never fade from me
Never felt
Respected
Never forget how amazing you are
Never forget you are beautiful inside and out
Never forget you have a lovely caring heart
Never forget others care for you
<3
Eyes alive
Wings stretched wide
Animal instinct impassioned flight
Hear the calling of the kinetic night
Moving through deepened sight
The night owls senses astute and wise
Locating energy beyond the light
Body is a vessel vibrating with vibrant energy
In-between the dreams the feeling flows with me
Circuit of electricity
Current to air or sea
When the sky is consumed by the night
All seems unclear
It is cold in the shadows
Then you appear
I can peer the starry light
You shine up
In my eyes
Guardian of the night
Wings of black
Hang
upside
down
Clearly
feel

ground

Senses
acute
Fly           where     you           dare
Out of the cave
Womb of bat's lair
Fears grown from dark hollows

Tucked further away
Know
thy
direction
Dark night
Fluttered dance
Embrace lights decay
Gothic romance scything new day
It happened again last night my dreams turned to twisted frights
Heavy duty bombardment of malicious fights
Standing strong to protect my rights
Kicking back to remain in the game
Fierce attacks to render weak
Blocking the blows and gripping tight hands to throw force off
Mighty brawl
No backing down
Push back hard
Stay off the ground
Has a hold on me
Who was this attacker
Why so focused on solar plexus chakra
Wake up
Shocked
Dazed
Hands clenched tight over body centre of three
Will the power to move on...
Was this for harm or for betterment of me
After-thought!
I can not let go of you
Cause you are always in my heart
I will let go
til
I am
no more
Hush now
Authentic voice
Blurting out <<
There is a time and place for that
Oops!
Did
that
just
escape
from
my
mouth??
And in a professional place too!
Gonna have to keep a good eye on you
At least til your surroundings are mindfully viewed
Notes of forever
Written in my
heart

Spoken to the lady set to work the shoot
Mentioned whips and chains as props on phone
Think I'll pass with that
There a right pain in the *** :-o
You don't have to touch nature to feel it
You can feel it
On the winds..
In the air..
Dancing in the space
between
you
Crumbled burning yearning hurting inside
Folding in two
See the feelings devastate
Nothing left of you
Not tonight

You know you've been through this before
You can handle this
Not tonight
But soon
You will see it right

See it through once more
Im going to take myself away
To explore more hidden pleasures
I'll strip and let my body touch with the air
Energies flowing in
Stroking senses  
Skin cherished
Feel body beautiful
Outside and in
Waking to new desires
Shaking from the thrill
Until
Nothing left to spill
Sensitivities on fire
Out of meditation I see something, an outline, small in size or crouching down on knee
faceless dark shape peering toward me
Into dreams, brother was there
In house not my own, but had a room to go
I could feel and saw something in one place
Then another in the room I was to stay, so couldn't sleep too scared to face
Restless dream something vague about dark creature roll unravel my way
Out of slumber I feel dream still has hold, won't drift away
Pressure on top
I can't move, but can feel
Warm heavy body weighted sinking deeper wrapping  arms around constraint
I sense dark nightly presence
Heart beats hard
Can hear it so loud wants to break out!
I still can't move only feel and know heart and breath
Hear it's breath to my ear
I cry out in fear
I bumble the Lord's Prayer
I cry out!  
God! God!!! God!!!!
Only faith in the Lord to answer
I feel it's teeth bite down into neck
Feeding like a cancer
I know I can move
Afraid to at first
Open eyes slow all I see is dark side
Move arm a little
Body wiggle
More a bit more
Muster up courage to look over cover
Just a blackened room
Turn on the light
Can still feel lingering teeth bite
Is that a mark?
So Hot!
It burns!  
Best turn out the light soon...
Up in few hours
money to earn
Strong enough to deal with this
It's been awhile since sleep paralysis and the enitities of fear have returned
Nothing satisfies me as much as
Signs of universal love
Gifts posted from above
Mailed to my heart
That and
cake
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