As a little girl
I didn't feel this world
Didn't want to speak to anyone I met
Just listen to the sounds coming out from mouths
Observing in the now
Didn't feel I had anything that wouldn't be chuckled about anyhow
Apparently spoke in unknown tongue at very young
Brother had to translate
I wanted to be mute for awhile but no other would contemplate
Never felt belonging to this world or those who should feel close
Drawn to animals old wise friends and spirit company hosts

Parched lips
Breath of gin
Sipping to an aching heart
Past mistakes regrets can't take back
If only...
Words could of said
But would it make any difference
From this wasted breath

Shadow soul
You pace the walls
Your dark a shade of shame
Don't look straight at
Look away
It's a mortal sin
Ignorance is sure to be bliss
You keep running from yourself only to have to again begin
Not knowing which way to turn
Then you look within
Opening up the wound sticking your hand in
You have guts in your hand
Facing your own messy entrails
Why they cause you so much pain
How black the blood became
Without ever understanding why
Eyes on your shadow side
Soul that seems less whole
But how can you be whole without all sides
Your soul is your guide
It is alive in nightshade or sunlight
You just have to make friends with it  
Accept it is a part of us all
Reflecting compassion and understanding to one another's
shadow soul

Clock chimes twelve
Into midnight delve
Whirling wonder portals helm
Takes the hand to dance beyond worlds where two shall pair
Witches Goblins Shadows Stare
Magical moments
Dark and light
Human being with entities night
Partner up
For a scream
Angels ballroom
Hellish delight

The web is spun ready for her prey
Shape of capture to entangle unsuspecting
victims in their wake
Deathly design to feed releasing hunger for said day
No mercy for its her who **** dry from pain
Tasting every inch and flesh that's stripped away
Black widow to hunt and take down even mate that crave
Survival of the fittest can't afford to give saving grace
You worked female out felt hunger from venomous spout
Though you never turned back around
It was you who wrestled her to the lowly ground
Having her for your own in pinching pound
As she who succumb to your vanquishing throne
Admiring tenacity together build
empowering woven
home

I'm sure there's so much more to come but I can look back and see why what was done was done
How it shaped and changed the girl inside
How much the internal struggle burned cyanide
Choking on too much anger hurt fear pride
Though sometimes having no good reason to find the worth I hide
Learnt to concentrate on not so great side
I would fight to catch the shine
But my mind was always falling further behind
Too many critical words they grew to be the only voice I heard
Still get it I listen but keep balance in check
They have learnt from their too
level of lack
Learning to know and love myself for me and no one else to downgrade self belief
A better me for a better you
Future with more happiness
Sunlight shining through

She was stunning and beautiful
A pleasure to be graced by her company
So much care for others
Humble in her ways with a strength that complimented
I don't know how she managed to dance on that pedestal without falling off
Perhaps it was her grace and how she never took she gave
So much shook around her but she never need look down
A penchant for perfection
blessing all around

Great Bear Courageous Strong
Spirit One to Worship
Let Feast and Devour by Natures Brave Beast
Accepting Fate
Initiate
Grow into your Skin
Bulk of Protection
Thick layer to Warm In
Mighty Power Fires Within
Rams Head Given
No haul to take
For those chains Bear Tears
down
to break
Rams Head High
Shaman Staff Steady to Shake
Be Still by the Fire and Soon you Wake
To come Face to Face Wielding Strong Heart of Brave

Dark thoughts overshadow the mind
Eclipsing the sun
leaving just outward shine
The moon has its place and purpose
The shade has its art
The moon will move over
The eclipse will bring totality of heart

Open fields
Sea in the distance
Welcome walks down winding lanes
Cows horse and sheep graze the land
On top of the hill the views surround
Elements too
The mountainous earth
Sea to south
Breath of fresh air
Watching colours of warmth rise and set
Magical moments to cherish
Never forget
~

Sticky gooey muddy emotions bubble up to stir the ***
Fed by the spoon of the mixture filling with all you've got
Taste bittersweet more than enough to eat
So much to swallow
Take it in
Aftertaste sickly
Though helps you to grow
Pass me a drink and let it all settle before you let it go

I can't stand your ******* lies
The ******* I despise
The sweet sentiment when your just **** and black flies
The apologising to hurt the inner pride
The lower standards truth can be hard to hide
Fears seen as weakness when the darkness would burn out your bloodshot eyes
Turning the cheek when heart and scars cry
Patronization when I could take you for a deep thrill ride
Demons
Death
Ego
Love
Hate
Passion
Desire
Hurt
Pain
Suicide
Lust
Infinity
Gutted from inside
Condescension
Descension
Ascension
O'
Come alive

I love him
So much I love him so much
He makes me cry or I do
I cry cause of all I've held on to
All I need to release and how much love I have to give and how much he gives to me

Reading about feet washing and at the meaning of Jesus and humility - wondered from the last piece poetry
Car outside parks up playing Angels " When I'm feeling weak And my pain walks down a one way street I look above and I know I'll always be blessed with love And as the feeling grows She breathes flesh to my bones And when love is dead I'm loving angels instead And through it all she offers me protection A lot of love and affection Whether I'm right or wrong And down the waterfall Wherever it may take me I know that life won't break me When I come to call she won't forsake me I'm loving Angels instead
That's the lyrics that were met
Maybe there's a message in that
or could be in my head

Upon the earth the leaves settle
Dried from all the chill
The ground covered the crunch beneath foots standstill
The air circulates
Shrubs thrill
In this moment
The apparent shrill
Of left behind days
Up until
Chattering branches talk
Spoken on the bark
Life carries in the veins of creatures embark
Blank sheet a canvas for the sky
Outlines are marking purities vie
And the wind will whistle another tune
After winter's sonnet
Spring fresh bonnet
Ground again will bloom and life adore upon it

A bed of comfort made for us
Snuggled cosy
Full of love
Hearts touch
Stars shine
Light above
Gazing down on our divine snug

You draw those towards with similar ways or views
Mine are all crazy
Oh no!!
I must be one too! :-o ;-p

Storm has taken me in a spin once again
Vertigo has made a comeback old trusty friend
This house has damp and plays havoc on the sense
Doesn't matter how you clean its bad weather's stream
Gave ears healing vents
Body cleansing to try clear ailments
Dancing to release tensions
Now on ginger ale and ginger biscuits
Too much want to do to let this take my will
Gonna fight this *******
Keep
stepping
through
the
ill

Fear has to be stared in the face
In order for it run away..
Lesson in fear
Take day by day
Underneath it all
Is where
You'll be
Pure and alive with connectivity

Peppery beans?
It's just the way I'm standing
Peppery spaghetti?
No it's just the way I'm hanging

Some things you just know
Without consciously knowing
settling
deep
within

Awake in the dark again
listening to the groaning wind
  but it's actually light outside
Sometimes your eyes just need to adjust
The wind is relaxing from this current place

You excite me
You terrify me
I want you to look at me
So deep into each other's eyes
Kissing down my neck mouth and thighs
Hold my hand in yours let's play and while away the hours
Kiss me as though a first kiss
Take me with your power
Passion so intense it was ment to be
Let's get lost in one another
So completely

The gateway opened before I opened my eyes
Visions flashed
Then came to life!
I knew in for a mystical
fantastical
cosmic
ride

It may hit you in the face
The past and all you had to take
It bites to have a taste
It wants you to give love despite any mistakes
To soften with sweet embrace

In your company
Uncomfortable now
The shake up
The wake up
The want to run out
Emotions build inside
Kept in the shadow trying to bawl scream shout
Words fumble about
Eyes don't speak with the talking mouth
Eyes are wide and open a little surprised
Mouth circles around the inner wounded conflicted child
The air fogs with doubt
It's ok even if you may feel down
Right now anyhow
It's hard when thoughts and feelings sink in
You will shed
Then grow new skin
Understand it's raw sore not comforting
So step away
Soothe within
Mirrors breaking
Just a touch to cure
Just a look to view
You

Music bought  
        Stored to the heart        
  Dancing with the beat
Memory complete
Filed within

Every time I try and live
I die a little more

The sharks came last night
One of my greatest fears
So I let myself be swallowed

I saw others drown
And I thought
How silly are they
But the waters were stronger
than the bodies we held

O
Ok
It could be over
Oh new beginnings
We'll give it a shot
My life was heavy a muddy plot
Plant new seeds
Please
Breathe

Hold up the mirror
See it staring back
What is it you have
What is it you feel you lack
Life is a reflected pool
The lessons in your hand
Sending ripples through the water
The viewing from across the land

In a little room
In a cosy town
With a little vision and a turned up frown
Problems to the wayside
Hills all around
No need to climb them
Just watch

The future is going to be brighter
The future will be full of synergy
Working together to create a positive
healthy energy
I hope you can come along too
Just believe it to be true
You have the talents and heart
to do what you want to do
May your good thoughts
uplift
and
guide
you
through

So much going on below the surface
The deep blue sea alive with activity
Constant to and fro
Life moving by
Darkness far reaching beneath deep blue sky
Illumination under murky depths
Some things yet to be discovered
It's no wonder when we are deep we can feel blue
Carried along with the waves
Will we meet clearer calmer waters
Right now
Float in this moment
Learn to go with the flow..

My love
My Leon
When we met I noticed you
I remember the way you turned that picture frame and tidied up the outside table
You seemed a sense of age in your soul
You also have your youthful buoyant energy
You intrigued me with your many facets
The energetic
The concentration of the chess game
Your wisdom
The beauty and engagement of your gaze
You intrigued and amazed
Those days
Each time you came to call I was happy to have you around
I enjoyed our many chats and just sitting together side by side
Your company made me smile
When you first kissed me it took me by surprise
I knew I wanted to though didn't expect it when the time came
I like your cheeky ways and the way you speak directly but with kindness too
I'm so glad we met and I'm so glad to be with you
I love you
My Leon

Time is no relevance to us
Each moment is loving and unique
Gazing into each other's eyes upon waking or setting down to sleep
Loving from within
Though loving touching skin
Hands held in bed or out while walking
Kisses sweet playful adoring
Passion blends romance
Hugs comforting and nurturing
Friends from the hearts
Little pleasures amplified
Whether sipping tea or sighting stars
You are here with me
We belong in each other's arms

Stop
Repeating
Same mistakes
Stop!!!

Intellectually I'm flat
I can't say fairer than that
I like my own use of technology but I'm a phobe really
I get things wrong all the time
Scatty chaos drifting mind
Clumsy in others hands
Traditionalist at heart
Anxious from the very start
Over-talkative when company I enjoy or nervous
I do tend to annoy
I've known my set limits
Played with the shadows
Now I open the curtains
And see what flies out

It's getting colder now
but all things change
We'll just have to keep warm
by the fire

He asked me
"Why don't you show me your *****?"
I told him. .
"I don't have a cat!"

Today I hit a wall where shadowed words fell out
Feeling boundaries are being crossed and fed up of holding out
The writing spills across the barricade that limits
and keeps in place
Something has to change
The rage inside me pains and the ink leaks the bleeding from clasping veins

In detachment phase watched the world spill away
Saw objects just as they were
Love didn't hold it fell apart
Was lighter with heavy load empty heart
It was all matter but nothing did
Though hollow in a shell
Couldn't call out or yell
No point to that
Spent days alone shut others away
Knowing can never make anyone stay
I gave my self to the day
I felt no more than a speck on the floor
Thought it was all gone
Dried out
Kept going even with the doubt
Then the fear in my mind
Then the looking back to what was left behind
Hope and faith saving grace even when faith felt lost
I know everything can go but I know love can come back strong

Music plays and hits internally
Chiming to the resonance of growing sound
The tone reverberates into the vastness of the sea
The waves dark and choppy
Plummeting deeper into the darker depths
Down down down past the ice cold layers into the absence a void
A black hole births to a blue ocean of crystal clear and tranquillity
In open air birds eyes fly to witness the waters clarity and whales underwater flight
Shadows and light flow
Polarity and connection
Body forming the bridge to spirit
Feelings come and go
Sharp pains to aches to numb and hollow
Wreck laying below on earth's bed
Restoration in the break
Cut out eye to replace with shimmering lake stone
A glass eye to reflect the world
A mirror
of
the soul

There are parts of me I don't like to see
Hard to ignore
When you live consciously
Light shining on all you view and feel
Wondering if conclusions are illusions or real
Parts to work on
That is true
Commotion and emotions possessing and exorcising you

Keep walking with the sleep in your eyes
Down the stairs to where the projected screens reside
Speaking words from backwashed mind
Those ment to protect send you to lie in bed
Questions riddling your head
Forget it all

Today's a new day