Spiritual awakening isn't all airy fairy and light
It's as hard as ****
You break
You break
You break
Pick up broken pieces
Find place of gratitude
Learn from lessons given
Then another comes tumbling in
The walls crash down and you break
Crumbling back
to
ground

When my twin flame left I had to go inside and learn to love myself through the pain of what was, what has been, and what was perhaps to come
I learnt to forgive
When my soulmates left
I learnt to dig deeper into my soul

Spoken to the lady set to work the shoot
Mentioned whips and chains as props on phone
Think I'll pass with that
There a right pain in the *** :-o

In one time you may live
In another you can die
Death scene by my bed tells a tale that life can change or align
If you perish now do you or some part seep into parallel line

All that I give onto others I project back to me
All that you give I see

My lovely friend was back in work today from her holiday
It has been her birthday yesterday
I brought some cake in
Rose icing
Sponge slicing
We had a jolly day
Sweet smiles on face
Missed her presence in the workplace
Once jobs were finished, we had our cake and ate it :)

He is beautiful inside and out
I would like us to be beautiful together

Told myself not to
But cannot help what the heart feels to be
It beats for you
It
loves
you
Sorry but what
can
I
do

Visions flicker
Objects change
Form of matter rearranged
Back to the same

Set in stone chiseling away
make a ring for eternity
Everlasting love here to stay
Continuous flow....
...from hand...
....to heart

<3

I look to you
You look to me
We look to one another
Recognition of ourselves
We live within each other

Faced the world today
When at first light didn't think I could
Turned the doubt around to faith
Embraced by the universe
Rewarded with a cosmic hug

Some one is going through heartache
Some one is going through divorce
Some one is caring for others never gets time off
Some one is battling disease
Some one is processing trauma needed to heal
Some one is living the pain
Some one is crying in the dark
Some one is alone
Some one is trying not to blow out their spark
Some one is smiling through the struggle
Some one is trying each day

I don't deserve to be picked on anymore
I don't deserve the bullying from another
You try to help others but some just use it as a small minded game
I know we can be a part in form of another but right now it doesn't feel the same

You said it was all in my head
After your head thumped into mine
It was all in my head
When you kicked me in the bed
Telling me my body took too much space up
It was all in my head
When I lay on the floor next to my own bed
You had the space
I didn't have any cover
It was all in my head
When you swore I had slept with another
It was all in my head when you examined the situation an internal examination
Apparently I failed the test
It was all in my head
When you told me how ****** up I was
Then I questioned the words
You said no such thing
I was being absurd
It was all in my head
When my contacts of friendship was broken the card snapped in half
No call to them anymore
It was in my head
When the pills I took you said
It wasn't enough
You need more to **** you
It was in my head when I wanted to die
Years pass by
And I heal
You come from under that rock to shake it up
After all
It was all in my head

I was thinking about anger management
But I just told it to
*******!!

He could only feel deep
inside her
Once he penetrates her mind
and
touches her soul

I'm at a vulnerable place in my life
But I know I have to be
To break out from the past that held me back
The wearing ways now out of date
The fire of hoops made to jump through
Seem nothing but a play thing now
However never want to go back down to that

I will heal
From every bone
From every single ache
But first I must ache

Making something of myself to help me
Friends
Family
Those with no-one to hear in the depths of despair without a supportive ear and the least form of care
It spurs me on...

Some nights spirit in flight
Some nights fighting for the light
It all depends
Which energy beckons

Depression
It's
like
entering
a
black
tunnel
thinking
that
there
is
no
way
out
No
escape
route
No
exit
No
light

Been in bed for days
Depression has me slipping in and out of sleep
The mind just plays on
like an over played song
I fall away and dive within
Record doesn't stop spinning
Is there an on off switch

I use to sneak down as a kid
My body could walk even if I was sleeping
Safe to take myself back to bed

As a baby vivid memory
Could not escape my crib
Morning came awake in the middle of them
Care givers ether side

Later memory
Unable to rest
A window display
Goldfish swim in the invisible water
The flow makes my lids heavy and low
Relaxing to the night
Swimming into peace

Even now if in a place of disharmony
When eyes stream and dreams feel out of reach
A hand holds out for me
Feeling the fingers lace my own
A warm comfort even in agony
The softness caresses skin and bone
Love is home

I  always  

kiss
them

   Goodnight

Loneliness
You have to sit with it
Until you get through it
No good to cling to others
to make you feel whole

He told me I was brave at a time I had to be brave
He said be positive and put a smile on my face
He told me I was beautiful I had to believe
He gave me hope I had to be open to receive

Can't switch these thoughts off from my mind
They twist turn dive deepen and fold
Need a moment to just be
Silent and still
...............
....
.

There is no time
So no distance apart
Soul to touch
Soul
From Heart
to
Heart

The clearings covering
The trees aim high
Branches and clouds mask the sky
Going deeper and deeper in the pine wood
Dark in the shadows lost easily could
Eyes must learn to adjust
Heart will guide as only love should
Mind tells you fears built on trodden tiers
Mud up to the tread heavy boots tired head
Wandering
Are you going back on yourself
Plodding on with a crows song
Hoping the clouds clear
Growing so ever near

Mother Father wounds mother I haven't seen for nearly two year
    My Father love is criticizing in my ear
I miss my mother
I miss my father's full acceptance
So inbetween I wonder trying to find the another to accept me wholeheartedly
Though do I completely accept myself
I wonder wholeheartedly
I try but I falter at times and the insecurities play out
I want to play with my securities and enjoy them
Maybe in time I can

I make my own bed everyday
But still I lie in it just to wake up
To rest
To heal
To feel
To dream
To wash the nightmares away

It's like the stars have gone out

As a child I asked my mum
Are we really lying in a coffin dead living this life in our heads
She said no
I said how'd you know
She said as she pinched my arm - If we were you wouldn't feel that  
I felt alive
for some time

There's an underlining
hopelessness
I want to drown
out

Little girl in a dream she's frightened of her chaotic scene
On the edge up so high she can feel the fret already rushing by
Imagine that
She doesn't want to be so close to the ledge no more
She wants to let go
She does
Slides down the angled bus
Wakes up still scared
Dripping with sweat
Camera cartoon images projecting
Burying head in the covers
Gets up
Freshens up
Writes above passage
Thinks about love
Posts the words hopes it's enough
Lays back down her head
Tries again to rest

When you shine a light on the darkness you see it all becomes
  clear
Our layers
Conditioning
Thoughts
Beliefs
Behaviors
Actions
Fears

The past always tries to pull us back
Not to say we may not have to look
Though it reads over and over again and writes our present
book
The future is not certain
We can hold faith in this moment
&
rest in Divine love
+

These layers they leach onto my skin
Who put them there to begin
Now one by one I have to shed them
Prise them off
Sometimes with care
Sometimes ripping rough
They have fattened fed from my blood
Do I starve them or send them love
They were a part of me after all
Creatures great and small

Bats of light
Fairies bright
Vampires bite
Ghouls of all souls night
Demons to the right
Angels dancing fight
Gargoyles guardians in clear sight
Dragons fire breathing plight
Spirits taking flight
Awaken to cucullas fright
Seeds of insight
Unknown gripping tight
Voices playing
out of mind

Eye opens wide

Pools of my wild imagination
Or is it merely frustration

Guess

You'll never know..
..Or will you!

I've done it all to my self so many times
I hurt my self
How many times do I have to come to realise
I want to let it go
I want to treat my self with these kinder eyes
Hold my self in love

Love died
Love turned away
The only way to bring it back
Was to turn it around to me

Thoughts sift through dark corridors
Doors lead off to varied spots
Each place holds a different atmosphere
Some of warmth love darkness or fear
They have to all be different can't all be the same
You can however navigate to where you want to play

Are we manipulated
Or
do we just play ourselves

Still judged by the lack of career path
Was never one for money
Just love and a family
Times shifted
Things fell apart
Find myself wedged between heart and heavy starts
Spiritual growth is seen as less than a job
Not viewed from these eyes
A life's time dedication and commitment
Much more than a job or any wealth
Working hard finding self
Though success and value measured in the paying rent
If I dream, in sense
can struggle each day
Stack the shelves
Borderline pay
Not a life
Sounds like living hell
Perhaps not so dissimilar to the hell you've already felt
Praying as you knelt

Morning introduction with warm soothing caress
Air filled with love light and prettiness  
Colourful brilliance to highlight the stage
Feeling the loving breeze wrap around
Hold closely with surround amaze
A morning of fine romance
Morning of joy
Grace
Love
An Autumn dance

Sometimes the fears you don't want to face
Face you!
Small steps at a time you have to be willing to climb
It's no easy feat
The fears try to beat
Have to keep finding the strength

A wasp doesn't want to sting but will if frightened and rattled
They just want to go about their day doing as wasps do
Be gentle with them if stuck in your enclosure
Set them free..

We all want to live with peace and more ease

Don't want to feel the sharp end
of
any
biting
sting

Sick of others making me feel like I'm ****
So I'm not feeling it anymore