How do we live without making mistakes
Can we?

Subconscious layers built from youth
The child never formed the bond with the world
Though tried as they grew
The observations were enough to get through
Though they wanted more
Conversations to pour into
To find out there's always something you never knew or do as should be done
The eyes are correct to another
Speech was just a way to criticize
Feelings out of place
Misaligned
Rode with the starving mind
To find the thirsty kind
Longing to sip
Struggle to give
Filling the holes into myself
Spaces inside to live

The silence has always been welcome

To see the world as yourself is not always a view to cherish
You can't always force yourself to see the beauty
When the inside screams
It paints the screen
You just want it to fade away

I've been sitting
with
My fears
My shadows
My insecurities
My projections
My demons
My anxiety
My feelings of shame
My thoughts of guilt and blame
My worries
My mortality
My unworthy causality
My judgement
My vulnerability
My mistrust

And here we sit
Upon the carpet

Ebbing and flowing as a wave
Falling and rising to brief peak
Splintering and shattering to the sea
The deep suction seep
Pouring
into
wells
to
channeled veins
Rippling its song unto
the next line

Dancing with my reflections
I'd rather not see
Though I need to open my eyes

I feel the darkness
I feel the light
I find myself torn between the two
Parts of both run through
Merging to taste both sides
To feel as We do
Strainer container
We all hold our truth

The broken pieces
The bits of clay that hold the water as it spins away
Does it need to be fixed
Or can we cherish it as it is
The parts fit a mold of another shape or can make a mosaic to create the pictures face
What do you see

Does it change the picture
Does cherishing the broken make them whole

How can what I see be real
How can the I be the only truth
My awareness is a reflection of me and my mood
It changes as it
                         moves

When the suffering comes it hurts
The heart feels tight
The head muddled and fuzzy
The mind irritated
The body pained and numbing
The ears hear all too well the spluttering conversations and monkeys chatters swell
The mouth bumbling lines that don't quite feel right
The spirit knows
Insight
The lesson and the emotions will be shared in time
Unity
Combine our dear sentiments

We are the leaves falling off the tree
We are dying
To be reborn

I feel her dying and that's ok
Not sure if I'm grieving for the emotions the past or her
I'm happy to let parts of her that no longer serve die
I'm happy to keep the caring sensitive kind parts to her but I feel I'll be content to let the worrisome, insecure, fearful, undervalued, disrespecting parts of her die
I see my future and it's not her who belongs
She lives with wings

Anxiety helps to comfort me
But it doesn't really
It feels real it hurts like hell
It's a ******* liar as well
Made up of all the broken eggshell
Trying to keep us safe
Protected in our cracked encasing
Peeping out to see the danger and our victim
Thoughts brought up by the chicken crap we let drip in
Deformity hatching
Letting us try to fly with clipped wings
We birthed it from our own hollow and others hollow opinions
Fed by lies and fear based skies
Raining down on our sodden wings
Puppeteer puller of strings
Numb it with some pills
Immune  
Feel it still
Refill
Still ill
Throw them away and watch the rain

I've done it all to my self so many times
I hurt my self
How many times do I have to come to realise
I want to let it go
I want to treat my self with these kinder eyes
Hold my self in love

Why do I waste my time
Why do I settle for less than my worth
Do I even know my worth
I know each is worthy but then it takes its toll
The bell rings another round of disharmony
I'm left to
               change
it's tune

I long for the day my heart is in peace and not in pieces
I want it to heal and not feel
in pain

This home is beautiful
homely
a few cracks
Apparently your home can be your state of consciousness
I could see that
My last home was hell
I could see that too

How can you love all beings
How can you be at one with all
It starts small
You see subtleties in how you both talk walk then squawk
Can't pretend to be at one with all
I still fall and have a way to go
Though I feel the depth the dark the light the sorrow
What are your dreams for tomorrow
Our nightmares can pip them hollow
Some days have turned to night
They can only hope for sunlight
Some nights are cold
Chilly to hold
Visions can frighten
Or to make us bold
Perhaps both
To see the symmetry and the diversity
The complexity the mimicry
Some days can be sooo warm
Loving caring giving
Pleasant
Some forlorn
Some
Can't seem to keep the warmth
It's makes them stuffy and irritable
They try to keep dry but the tears they cry ...
Weeping from each eye
Wanting so much to rise and thrive
Blissful place
Longing inside
To see more is to feel more
Is it a chore
Or some thing to adore
We don't stop though
We ask for more

The energies come in
You feel them penetrating
Coming up to surface
Coming up to clear
The resentment
The anger
The pain
The anxiety
The fear
It's not a feeling I want to feel
Must feel you do
Feel to feel how you no longer want to feel
And again you view
To heal
Release
And
move

You said it was all in my head
After your head thumped into mine
It was all in my head
When you kicked me in the bed
Telling me my body took too much space up
It was all in my head
When I lay on the floor next to my own bed
You had the space
I didn't have any cover
It was all in my head
When you swore I had slept with another
It was all in my head when you examined the situation an internal examination
Apparently I failed the test
It was all in my head
When you told me how ****** up I was
Then I questioned the words
You said no such thing
I was being absurd
It was all in my head
When my contacts of friendship was broken the card snapped in half
No call to them anymore
It was in my head
When the pills I took you said
It wasn't enough
You need more to **** you
It was in my head when I wanted to die
Years pass by
And I heal
You come from under that rock to shake it up
After all
It was all in my head

In a little room
In a cosy town
With a little vision and a turned up frown
Problems to the wayside
Hills all around
No need to climb them
Just watch

Each day a new dream to dream
A new sky to live under
Another hope to gleam
Birds gliding in-between the subtlety of our minds

Waves of Bliss
You mellow me

I've touched myself in ways in places in pleasures in sensations
No other ever has
Perhaps there is room for change

The dark scares me more now than it ever did
I don't know why
Fear comes up again
The night is more vivid now
Vision more alive
Is that why
Light being
You tried to hide and run from me
But I still see
I feel before I witness

The stomach churns sometimes
The body seems to slip away
I feel the
drift
.
.
.

I use to sneak down as a kid
My body could walk even if I was sleeping
Safe to take myself back to bed

As a baby vivid memory
Could not escape my crib
Morning came awake in the middle of them
Care givers ether side

Later memory
Unable to rest
A window display
Goldfish swim in the invisible water
The flow makes my lids heavy and low
Relaxing to the night
Swimming into peace

Even now if in a place of disharmony
When eyes stream and dreams feel out of reach
A hand holds out for me
Feeling the fingers lace my own
A warm comfort even in agony
The softness caresses skin and bone
Love is home

Hearts of gold
Get collected and sold down the river
Far too many times
No one is immune
It's our greed
It's our desire for more
It's our search for the core of who we are
Where is our love

I'm losing myself and that's ok
I was ment to be lost
To find my feet again

Some nights spirit in flight
Some nights fighting for the light
It all depends
Which energy beckons

The book cover it reads well at first
It has an enticement and alluring verse
Beneath the pleasantries a curse
A sorrow that binds it's pages
******* in chapter stages
A history of dark ages
Fragmented at the core
The story grips for more
To restore it's happy end
A soul survivor take hold the pen

Spring
Spring me to life and let your Summer sun warm in my heart
Before the Autumn falls and Winters freeze the earth

I hope by wanting to be more positive
I'm not being a fool to myself

We sit in silence
We get accustomed to it's presence
The comfort matches our tears
Depth surrounds
Only beaten by our fears
How does a drop of honey become so runny after all these years
It's sticky residue remains
Lining our creased palms
Lifeline to the stars
Heartline worn scars
Words lost to the distance
Communication in higher existence
Humble people scrubbing dishes
Waiting for the elixir to smooth their troubled hands

Visions in the dark they dance and sway for me
Fleeting like the ships they care to be
Sharp as the jagged rocks they share profusely
Swirling there grip on reality
Spiral around effortlessly
Questioning morality
Infinite finality

I like to sleep in my bedroom
I like to chill in my bedroom
I like to dance in my bedroom
I like to eat in my bedroom
I like to study in my bedroom
I like to cuddle in my bedroom
I like to **** in the kitchen
***** dishes piling up

She's my crazy friend and I love her
She is who she is make no apologies
She is feisty sassy
She'll have you fall to your knees
She's a heart of gold
Difficult to please
Fire through her veins
Apocalyptic boundaries
Soft to the core though it's a secret for sure
She's the spring in God's forests trees
But that she won't believe

Head on the pillow
Ready to rest
Awake in the dark
Open eyes
Lad perched sitting on my bed
Cap on his head
Casual dress
I shout
Shock!
Put covers over head
Scared to look back out
Though I know not be seen right away again
Torch on
As I'm writing this

Letting go of how the 'I' should be
Just want to be
in bed with hot chocolate
hood over the head
Eating crisps and dips
Poetry
Crying
Online courses if it's felt
Watching the robin sit and **** off it's branch

I get my karma like I drink my tea
Pretty ******* quickly


L
e
s
s
o
n
s

Pour
In

Every action has a consequence a reaction a lesson a karma a dharma
I would like to just have a bit of fun
But whose gonna take the arrows out

It must be nice to reach higher levels of consciousness
That depends on what you become aware of

Are we manipulated
Or
do we just play ourselves

My demons are
Dark
Black
Shadows
Thin Tall and narrow
Alien
Grotesque looking
Lusting devil
Child size hollow
Freezing
Paralyzing
Clawing
Controlling
Manipulative
Fallen
Haven't seen some in a while
Though I feel them

Toxicity it can live in you or me
If we be honest completely
The accumulation of which we grasp to be
To have in our midst
Clawing for our fix
From all the times we went unfulfilled
Our empty broken shell
Scattering bits for others to walk on
Cutting from our steps
Following in our shadows
Reaching out to grip
From their own ghostly hollows
Can we break
The cycle

Been in bed for days
Depression has me slipping in and out of sleep
The mind just plays on
like an over played song
I fall away and dive within
Record doesn't stop spinning
Is there an on off switch

Too sensitive
Not enough
Weak
Weird
Inadequate
Beliefs grown out of love

Rejection
I keep meeting with it
One day it'll fly away
My love,
will be enough

3am
Witching hour
For so many years became my alarm clock
Didn't need to see the time
Just woke

I should sleep more but I don't want to get addicted
The dreams and rest can be intoxicating
I feel it as I rise
God knows what's inside