Laying hands
Faraway lands
The times of gone before
The lore of what appeased us
What teases us
The spell of hell etched in your veins
To bring out the pains
The aches of heartbreaks
The suppressive shakes
The broken haze
As the energy speaks it sinks into each vessel
It flows from high the source sky
The energy releasing into the body
To clear
As the tears pour out
and
down
The heaviness takes a lighter tone
And the men women and souls from now and before and who we have felt to be before find more peace
To release
What has been and gone before
And breathe

It began with a hello
I fell deeply in love
The love would overpower commonsense
The love was deeply felt
The love would fly over the pain and the hurt and unsettling words
The ego died many times
The love will remain but will it ever repair to health

You have your views
I'll have mine
We see what we've seen
Known what we have known
Lessons learnt through mistakes made
Karma paid
Though the need to control another will never work
The beliefs many ways to see
The darkness the light the spectrum the haze
The glee the sadness the constriction the expansive ways
The shades of grey
The bright colourful days
One thing that may seem real may be an illusion to you or me
Our eyes see through to our periphery the behind past our  fronted forward ways the side step the leap and the stay
The wounds of hurt have obscured part vision
The cave became our sanctuary
The light sometimes a blight as we saw the shadows so deeply projected and directed
Though to see feel and understand these wounds brings in more room to understand not just for selves but for another too
Through this we grow
Sharing more of what we want to show from a more balanced state

My light shone in me it broke me
The darkness felt like warmth
The pain echoed pleasure and the will made strong
The soothing disturbed me it's uncomfortable wake
The thoughts did destroy me
The soul did shake
The actions pull me down dug me to mine grave
The awareness plummeted me and the present received the gift
The moments of paradox
The light and the dark
They gave me roots and a shining bright spark
The mistakes brought the compassion
The aches gave me hope
The destruction new salvation
Heart so broke it can now know love
The world been a torture
The dreams were of death
Over and over again
Until
rebirth
The light and dark dance they have a fine romance and from that new steps are formed in balance in surrender in will to carry on
In the space between both
Can create anew
harmonic
love song

We are dying to ourselves
Our past has paved the way
The experiences shaped us
Sometimes got in our way
The surroundings opened or closed us
The longings tore our hearts
The not belonging fraught us
Told us we should part
We are dying to ourselves
The ones we thought we were
The ones we thought we had to be
Which shaped our darkly lair
We are throwing away the old
Tearing it at the seems
We are observing past patterns and pulling out the guillotine
We are dying to ourselves who we once were who we believed and deemed
The breaking down is painful but so has the images and beliefs we have seen
How do we become now
How do we begin
We start from what we love
The heart and souls dream
We build
The dream team

My love
My Leon
When we met I noticed you
I remember the way you turned that picture frame and tidied up the outside table
You seemed a sense of age in your soul
You also have your youthful buoyant energy
You intrigued me with your many facets
The energetic
The concentration of the chess game
Your wisdom
The beauty and engagement of your gaze
You intrigued and amazed
Those days
Each time you came to call I was happy to have you around
I enjoyed our many chats and just sitting together side by side
Your company made me smile
When you first kissed me it took me by surprise
I knew I wanted to though didn't expect it when the time came
I like your cheeky ways and the way you speak directly but with kindness too
I'm so glad we met and I'm so glad to be with you
I love you
My Leon

I love him
So much I love him so much
He makes me cry or I do
I cry cause of all I've held on to
All I need to release and how much love I have to give and how much he gives to me

Never felt I belong
Always feel the odd one out
Isolated not a part of
I try to but it's difficult to get through

Opening up to love means opening up to the possibility of abandonment and betrayal
I've realised I don't want to not try
Everything is a gamble
I just hurt so much sometimes my mind won't shut up
My body pains my heart aches my soul cries and the energy shakes
I've held myself over and over
Working through the feel
Understanding the reason from the experience that has been
Delving deeper into compassion and forgiveness
Bringing in the love I can
It starts inside and then it scales to others
I know we are all connected
I know love is the true source
I just drift off course and need redirecting
The compassion helps

My mother she didn't get back to me
Not seen her for two years now an anniversary of my birthday
Each year I see the gap of when we last met.

I want to trust and feel secure safe and loved but the wounds have spread into relationships

Cut right open I sometimes want to tear at them other times stitch them up
Does the stitching close them to the air
Does the opening cause more tear
Or does the stitching protect
Or does the opening open up to the fresh

Is love really true for me
I feel it but do I really know how to receive

At times blissful ecstatic
Other times scared erratic
I don't always know when I have it
I've loved so much from afar

He touches me with passions raw
In his arms I really soar
Body to body deep connect
Mind to spirit heaven sent
Kisses melt heart to heart
Lips do feel of emotions not spoken
Sensing the love in each and every moment
Eyes sometimes bashful when looked into old worlds broken to new worlds of beauties splendor
Wonders from cosmic sender
Delving into oceans vast
Riding the waves of ****** euphoric blast
Waters edge to touch the land
Shore to shore
Hand to hand
Intimate islands to discover as we venture
more and more
into
one another

My flower
has grown from seeds of doubt
buried in the
deep
My flower has grown through mud and sorrow planted for safe keep
My flower has grown through rain and storm and echoed from below
My flower has merged to the other side to see the seeds bloom and grow
My flower basks in summer skies and sways strongly in the breeze
My flower is beautiful in every sense in its glory and it's delicacy
My flower is a picture of love of hope of courage and of truth
I'm not sorry to say my love this flower
reminds me of you
💕
🌸

Your eyes to me they bring delight you see
They bring the smile that I brightly feel
Your smile it is so beautifully warming and that makes me smile even more
Your dimples so cute I love to see you in your happy glory
That is the part of the story
I do adore
The colour in your eyes they bring a sense of home
There is comfort and depth and a heartwarming beautiful soul
I love you
Just want you to know

If you are low
I want to help you
I want to help you grow
Help with each feeling you sit with
Be there as a friend and confident
Pick you up if need be
It's ok
Cause I know the balance
And you do that for me

Mirror
You show back to me my face
You show the reflection of each consciousness state
You beam to me the feelings that place
You show the emotion engraved
You tell me the truth of my projected relay
You feel me deeply as I you
This my love
I am so grateful
for
you!

I love you
You are love to me
The way you care
You share
The beautiful man I see
The soul deep
The eyes feel
The smile widens as mine cannot conceal
Within you an essence of purity real
I cannot contain my love for you
..and neither would I want to
Thank you 💗

I drift upon your sea

Person: Oh my god that person is sooo sooooo very very irritatinggg
Guide: Do you ever see yourself as like that irritating?
Person: Oh my god Nooooo www 😒
Guide: Ok

Person: That Person! That one there is Always So ANGRY!!!
Guide: Do you ever see yourself like that angry?
Person: Ey! I Am Never Angry!!!
Guide: Ok.

Person: That Person is confrontational all the time. Why? What the **** is wrong with them?
Guide: Do you ever see yourself like that confrontational?
Person: Oiii!! What you trying to ******* say???!!
Guide: Ok
Person: What do you mean OK???
Guide: nothing

Person who is a counsellor : I'm ok but no one ever asks me how I am.
Counsellor/ guide they see: And how do you feel about that?
Person who is a counsellor: Its like they don't notice.
Counsellor/guide they see: And how do you feel about that?
😁

Person: I wish I was like them so loving kind and caring.
Guide: Do you ever see yourself like that loving kind and caring?
Person: Oh so lovely of you to ask. I wish I was. Anyway how are you today?
Guide: Smiles 😊👍✨
Ok.

Being a woman I've noticed the suppression
**** I've lived it
Still am
Your thoughts and opinions can matter as long as they matter to me
If I feel you speak out of turn it will be punished in some form
If you mention your feelings it's all too much
Soften yourself
Be a good girl then maybe I'll be in touch
Wow! Your causing drama for setting your boundaries
For speaking out for things you don't approve of
For caring and noticing the habits less healthy
You should just put up and shut up
I guess I can't and never will
That's just not me  
Never will be!

Energy

Energy transforms
Life on earth just a school
A teaching learning pool
The spirit lives on
In another form
In another
dimension

My voice and opinions have been silenced on many occasions
I can see how I may reflect that
However the voice of your self deserves to be heard even if it's only by your own ear and spirit

Words have hurt
So has silence
Though the silence from peace has brought some relief
It's a different kind of silence an embrace from the creator
A surrender and a hold
bringing you into
being

If I try and trust
At least I'm trying
You can't fully when you have learnt to be discerning
You've had to from where you have been

The universe responds to your frequency
We are energy so is the universe
We vibrate with that energetic correspondence
So this I understand
However alignment is an ongoing process
You cannot force the inner to meet the outer
The layers need to be shed gradually
You cannot force a belief upon another
If the belief is one they have learnt to belong to them
The belief will be questioned in time
When the host is ready to receive the message
When the being works through the conscious patterns and layering understands heals and becomes
Becoming when they feel the inward shift
Then to the outer world
we too become

In our darkness we are met with bleak
Them shadows taunt and haunt
We fear them
Each time shrieking in the dark
Over time we see but feel more accustomed to, we stay in center line or send them shadows love
New shadows emerge we feel, fear, we accept we purge again sending love when we may
The view becomes clearer it transforms to a mirror
The image reflects our inner beliefs and grievances
Everything that annoys you can be found in me and mirror reverse too
Everything that I treasure is within my sanctum my jewels are worn too within the mirror starer
We share this same space
Though you have to look closely at times
My distaste dislike love compassion empathy apathy security insecurity gift grievances are all mine and yours on similar line
We together carry share lift unburden and shed the load each time
Then to the next reflector
To see deeper and clearer
To mirror more love
acceptance and compassion

On higher planes the heart can feel love unconditional
On lower the heart feels pain and it's sharp dense fangs sinking in
I hope the density can fade

I love you
I miss you
I just want to cuddle and kiss you
I would love to feel your arms wrapped around me again
I would love to lay my head on your chest and feel your heart beating
Hold hands palm to palm
Let me nuzzle into your neck
Smell that adoring scent
I love you and I'm missing you dearly
I would love to be able to tell you all this

I was never really present because I could not keep replaying the old relationships and wounds
I couldn't fully let love in
Lesson learnt

Some one is going through heartache
Some one is going through divorce
Some one is caring for others never gets time off
Some one is battling disease
Some one is processing trauma needed to heal
Some one is living the pain
Some one is crying in the dark
Some one is alone
Some one is trying not to blow out their spark
Some one is smiling through the struggle
Some one is trying each day

I worry about you
I wish I could make things right
I wish I could hold you tight and cuddle the night away

Never forget how amazing you are
Never forget you are beautiful inside and out
Never forget you have a lovely caring heart
Never forget others care for you
<3

They tried to love me /  but I always put a barrier in the way

I don't want them to be hurting
I know they have pain right now in their lives
I wish I could comfort them but I cannot
I know they have good family and friends so I wish them well.

I projected my insecurities
They came back to me

I kept pushing away
I see how annoying it is for another to go quiet and distant
I was afraid of rejection
I got it again
I spoke my mind if uncomfortable
It wasn't comfortable
He wanted an easy life
I didn't know how easy my life would be
I wanted them to accept me when I couldn't fully accept myself
They taught me to heal deeper by my fears
I'm learning to embrace more of me
No longer together
I still care and will love them anyway
I want them to be ok.

I've acted from both fear and love
             I see where they link and overlap

I lack complete self love and acceptance
I'm trying to get there
I'll accept where I am in this moment

I'm learning about my relationship style
How and why I do and say the things I do
I'm learning more deeply to feel into the sensitivities and trials
I'm understanding more
How can I be a healthier me
Where should my boundaries be
What does the other person need
How can we understand
Compassion
Hand in hand

So many years of trying to heal from life
Will I ever really live without the pain

The abandonment issues and rejection inherited and absorbed
It penetrates my core I push away
Any glimpse of the mimicking
I speak my truth
Put up barriers
I'm not sure what I'm more scared of to be left or to be loved

Sitting with this pain in my chest
It's taken up my day

If another hurts I want to soothe the pain
If I hurt it's just been accepted for me to feel that way.

Boundaries
because others trampled all over them

Speaking your mind thoughts feelings and expectations never comes easy but it isn't easy to just keep going unhappy without speaking your truth
Those that appreciate you will understand
Those that don't ...
Well ...
How much did they care?

It's not easy to face ourselves
To look within so deeply to see and feel the wounds and be with them for healing
It hurts a lot
Though I'll feel the pain to lessen the grip to lessen its tormented gain
To understand and see it's not all of me
Being compassionate for self this radiates out as you learn more hidden depths and compassion for another
For why we do as we do
How we live as we live
How we can take and how we can give
The understanding grows...
...Deep

He is beautiful inside and out
I would like us to be beautiful together

He tells me he loves me
When I feel up I can understand
When I'm down I cannot
I feel washed up and not good enough
Will I ever compare to a Summers day?

I now have a guilt I've spoilt our time
Again
I hope I can reset and restart

I want to enjoy our time together and not fear for when he's not here
Can I not just enjoy and love in the moments we have together

Mother Father wounds mother I haven't seen for nearly two year
    My Father love is criticizing in my ear
I miss my mother
I miss my father's full acceptance
So inbetween I wonder trying to find the another to accept me wholeheartedly
Though do I completely accept myself
I wonder wholeheartedly
I try but I falter at times and the insecurities play out
I want to play with my securities and enjoy them
Maybe in time I can

I love you so much
I get so scared
I push you away to save you walking away
I want you to stay but I worry you don't
So I look at everything that says that truth but mostly it's the part of me inside that's scared of your rejection
As from many others before did prove
How long can I keep pushing until you leave and I'm left standing there wondering what happened
Can I change this all around and begin now
Change comes from within
So this is my beginning of a hopefully better new start
I hope you'll come along with me