sleep evades me
i cannot rest
as long as i am uncertain

tomorrow i will leave my home
something that i do often
to gain a degree
but tomorrow offers something new
for i'm leaving for new land
and instead of being only hours from home
i will be across the sea
greeted by a temporary family
as i embark on a new adventure
one that is solely my own

so i say a brief good-bye
for i will return in time for school once more
two months over seas
Italy, please be kind to me

i have prepared myself
for the last glimpse
of your face
hands intertwined
as they have always been
i have made ready
the sails of my ship
set to depart
for the last glimmer in your eyes
to slowly fade to ash
my sword is sharp
for my foes stand strong
my guard is gone
and i stand alone once more
i choose to live
in this time of decay
and if i shall see your face once more
surely i will have forgotten
each kiss

where have you gone
lightless wanderer?
for i no longer see your back
drowned by your fading presence
delved again into black waters
where the weeds stroke you gently
with their swollen hands
gently guiding you into the ***** of the river bed
where once again you can lay to rest
with your piece of me
and i'll continue searching

left at the shore with open arms
allowing the waves to crash into my already broken body
i cannot leave this spot
where the memories collide with my sorrow
the water gives me more sentiments
than i was able to emote while i stood near you
it refuses to give in
the relentless pull of the tide from under my feet
and its great force pushing me down
my body may be broken
but my soul remains intact
farther from you i am content
here
i can lay to rest the body that you took from me
here
i will allow my soul to break free from this tattered vessel
hollow
and let the earth and water give birth to something free

sky so black the stars ate my soul
take the pieces of my heart
devour them slowly with you jagged teeth
i want to feel what's underneath
steal away
i can't feel a thing

the empty space
left for you
in my single bed
should be pleasurable
for now i have room to stretch
but when the lights go out
and i lay down to sleep
all i can do
is imagine how it is
to have you next to me
fighting for equal space
draped by your arms
instead of these blankets
but i remain restless
and all i can do in these moments
is wonder if you are awake too
contemplating a simple message
that would ask me to be yours
for just one more night

again in fear
and fire fuelled heart, you
rise to chaotic power
of wreckage, you speak, yet all i see is
nothing but your flowers

remember me like sunset
upon matted floors of green
beneath the skies unwritten
with soon forgotten dreams

i'll think of you at twilight
before my heart can show
the sentiments of wishing stars
before the autumn slows

and maybe in the morning
i'll leave again renewed
but terrified of distant ties
and terrified of you

i like the way you look to me
fresh breath upon a decaying landscape
clear as the crystal water beneath my feet
the warmth in the biting breeze
turning my cheeks to roses
your laugh kills a part of me
the part that paints me black
and brings forth a golden streak
that faintly resembles yours

every word
stands still to fall
the uninterrupted chaos of your lips
seeking another taste
of the disquieting peace
of unopened tension
for the unknown is certain
and the certain is unknown
where the heat of your destruction
becomes the invisible face
of you and i

Kindness fails the circle path of
Abandoned footsteps
Saturated with hope and
Set still upon the night, the
Easy ended flight still
Left for morning

I would rather live
in a cardboard box
with someone I truly love
than have everything
with someone else

i wish the love filled in my heart was enough
to save you from your quick demise
that i could steal back the light from your eyes
for now they hold only a reflection
instead of a deep-set understanding

i wish i could replace you
so you were here and i was not
i failed to protect you
and that is all i ever promised
i am sorry, i wish you knew
i wish i had been there often
more often than i was
my life should not have gone so far from you
know that everyday apart from you breaks my heart
and now everyday that you are gone
i feel you slipping from me

i am left with happy memories and a crippling dream
it takes everything that i have not to go to you
and lay where i saw you last
sometimes the urge is so strong
that i have to barricade myself in my room
surrounded by your belongings
i can never go back to that spot
for i know i could never leave once i found you again

i cannot erase you, that look
so terrified until you became aware of me
thank-you for trusting me
for loving me for who i am
you always saw the truth behind sad eyes
and a happy smile
i wish i could hold you, just once
see your for one moment
run my hand through your mane
i can smell you when i am lonely
although my clothes are clean of you
as if my heart bottled a piece of your essence
to open when i need you most

rest gently
i will never lose sight of you

if only
i could tear out my heart as a page
and send it to you
a letter you could follow
instead of the fast paced words
that escape my mouth
in rapid melody
breathless over the timeless metronome
that has become my heart

if you
could read that page
oh -
how you could see the way i love you

if only
i could wrap you in that paper

if only
you could feel what my arms
wish to portray
eager and open to you
for you have become my holy ground
for which i have been searching
a place to rest my weariness
and read
to you

those pages

you'll never see clearly
through clear eyes

i am so far gone
unable to pronounce
the words that get caught in my throat
i cannot say
but the pain they have caused is unbearable
they burn there
their meaning becoming more real for me
i doubt you know
you cannot see the feeling taking over me

i back away so that when i implode
my blood will only grace the snow

your fallen grace reminds me
of distant summer months
destined to sink into a quiet fall
everything green, burnt to autumn shades
trees born to blossom, bloom to decay
their leaves born
only to rot beneath winter's blanket

something old
something new
always red
yet somehow blue
for in one minute
it beats for you
and in another
beats forgotten

Lost and broken
On the trail
Never
Ending
Sorrow
Tomorrow I'll feel
Again the
Relentless ache of your absence

those woven in the most fire
extinguish beautiful flowers

you gave me everything
so i gave you my heart

i let you keep it with you
for safekeeping
but what do i do now
that you've gone and it's broken?
do i bury it alongside you,
or do i keep the fragile pieces and attempt to mend them

maybe
i'll give you a piece
so that someday
when it's glued
and stitched
and scarred from living
i can look back at the missing piece
and think of everything you gave me

.                                     N   L                       R   E
                                    I           O                E          I
                                   ­ T              V         H            S
                                       N              E   T             O
                                          I                    ­           N
                                             O                       L
                                                 P                 Y
                                                    E          ­ O
                                                          N