i became weak for you
but in your eyes i remained strong
you despised my defiance to follow
all the hidden rules of your love

the utter despair
of your tasteless lips
smooth
cold as stone across mine
new horizons
bring endless hope
and longing
to feel the warmth of the sun
in your kiss once more

take me back to your ways
before the wilted shower
of frozen droplets stained my sheets

bring me to the peaceful eternity
that lived beneath your neck
chestnut hair aligned against my shoulders
like an army of blue
prepared to fight for their lady
my handkerchief tucked gracefully at your side

my soldier, my keep
awaken, please

there is blood no more

the absence of darkness in the city
fragile upon the edge of light
empty and eerily awaiting the demise of the sun
lifeless city, ruthless in its takings
your decadence
sad and unheard by passers on the quiet streets
singled by the sounds of your own footsteps
unlost but wandering
for what you seek in a star
is hidden by shrouds of impurity

draw me like fire
seared across the page
fast lines of red and orange
only a fragment
solitary burn
until morning dew relieves me
raw and open
open and closed
make me the fire
of quickly burning eyes

i cannot wait to see you again
to feel the peaceful marks of your existence
the wind, tousling your mane, mixing it with mine
your face, your presence, your heart
beating strongly beside mine
as we run through bright fields of embers
our past glowing in the distant background

when all that is left here is us
we will go to that spot
where we were separated
and dig up my heart together
you will return it to me
so that i may fill it with my essence, my love

and i will gladly return it to you once more
for it is yours
forever branded by you

it is the only thing i can give to you while you're gone
please, be comforted
i gave you my whole to protect you until i can find you again

and when i find you
i will sacrifice myself to keep you safe

this time
i can stay with you

*forever

you dug your teeth in like an animal
savage and deadly
your claws helping tear open the wound
as you poured in your poison
you used to be so kind
or at least it's how you looked in my eyes
but with every passing day
a piece of your mask faded
revealing the skin of a monster
and although i was warned
and told to run
seek refuge
hide
i did not fear you
for i thought i knew you
but all you ever did was lie
and make believe you were the prey
while your predatory gaze kept a watchful eye

how quickly you sprang
how vicious your jaw
how easily i fell

and somehow it was my fault
somehow i was wading
****** and torn
in a river of apologies
unsure of the meaning
always searching

in time i learned your ways
and i froze
waist deep in the river
unable to swim to the shore
and become dry
because you cried
because you filled my ear
with sweet whispers of "i love you"
i believed you
so i stayed

but now as i lay freely
staring up at the sun
feeling its warmth
on my newly healed wounds
i realized that you never loved me
because love is not a violent word

let me play with broken fingers
of shadows dressed in light
though effervescence vainly seeks
meaning in the night
for in the day, not cloaked by fear
are you, coiled to strike
unknowingly, your savagery
and mine grow more alike

feelings fade
like the dull horizon
diminished by the sun
shades of orange
slowly turn dark
and bare themselves
like starlight
to the evening skyline
and the constant clamour of the countryside
decrescendos
into the babbling brook
and soft chirps of frogs
until once again
sleep comes
and a new morning
brings different light

the shadow of your existence
has stretched beyond my viewing
the sun, eternally set beyond the ashen hillside
for now you reside in darkness
the fog-filled day light no longer enough
to sustain the vision of your hardships

think not of us
think not of mourning
for all we see is liberty

ever so hopeful
upon a dying whim
once so full of charm
now dwindling on your newest affliction
a passing phase of yours
to reply so kindly in my favour
but as a new opportunity arises
to abandon me so quickly
each board of my ship stripped of pride
and given no honourable decline
bowed before thunderous waves
as you sail upon a new ship
with gleaming sails
toward a new horizon
as i prepare to sink
into the abyss of knowing you

broken bones
torn down sympathy
i weep not for you
but those around you
who are covered in your darkness
spewed across their white clothing, are you
mocking their purity with your sullied words
they stand there still
too sunken to move again
their will has been removed
and now they stay with compliance
your ability for worship ties them to the ground
never allowing them to drift
peacefully away from the pain you provide
with every
waking
moment
wide awake and torn
i kneel
praying for your forgiveness
if that is what you intended
forcibly, i rip
the threads of your manipulation from my back
and struggle to my feet
you impress your power over me
but i refuse to linger
with my new found freedom
i spit at your feet and turn from you
walking into the oncoming slaughter
of distant storming clouds

sometimes when i'm reminded of you
i think of how we were together
and the anger blinds me
i had so much more to say
than the diminished words i spoke
i thought i loved you
but i've realized
that our love was never really love
it was too dangerous and impure
your way with words was so devastating
but somehow you gained my trust
learned my secrets
and used them against me
my intoxication
brought down by your charm
i admit
every time you called it quits
i crashed and burned
but i learned
you were just an empty threat
bent to keep me in line
controlled
distilled to your liking
but i poured my heart into the brew
and it remained strong
you hated that about me
how willful i was
how stubborn
you made sure to stomp it out
like fire
but i kept those embers hot
and when i regained my dignity
i let it burn
through our forest
your controlling stare may have marred me then
but i've moved on without you
free to speak my mind
and not just a selection
free to choose my clothes, my friends, my family
i took back what you stole
and now i stand with them
tall and proud of who i am
strong, independent and stubborn
those things do not make me flawed
they make me someone worthy of **respect

faint scents of woven hair
and gentle hands beneath the pillow
of spiced, soft lips
that bring the morning
to night soaked eyes
and as the stars disappear from these eyes
another comes to light

the disappointment in your vacancy
stretched across the country side
mirrored in my eyes of water
for your body is the sea
your ignorance of these sentiments
writhe between my lungs
and play a rhythm on my heart
foreign and savage
each silent word is screamed
upon my eager ears
and from the line stretched across my face
you can tell I am broken
by the distance at my side
and the silence bites my tongue
heavy and anchored, it remains
for i shall not reach out to you
if my efforts are in vain

dead eyes like twilight
haunting through frosted trees
and empty barren lands
frost bitten and bitter
to the peace between chaos
against soft winter snow
that remains untouched by the footprints
of people in little houses
but i walk on stilted legs
each deliberate step
is treading on shadows
silent and aching
like cold feet wading
through treacherous waters
in the escapades of silent streams
breath burned
across fields of ice
with carefully placed hands
on cold set stone

stone cold grey
awake and tamed to the early break of day
woven with the evenings betrayal
of silent whispers
and forgotten amorous afflictions
i fear that i believed in your tales
for i wear a gullible ear
confiding in your eyes
though the ferocity of your hands
should have lead me far from your grasp
chaos brews within you
and the ever present hint of your smile
rivals your titanous lips  
you, tragically beautiful in your decadence
leave me gasping for air
for i must feed this vice
please, lead me to your burrow of endless defeat
for surely someday in your takings
my fragility will be lost

what sadness is leached from your heart to your brow?
unable to show what you truly emote
scathed in darkness
your treachery lies there
hidden still by the magic you've used to fog my eyes
but i am here
standing in the street, neck craned up at the sky
searching for hope, light
but the moon does not appear
cloaked by your entity, your shadow
what light prevails there, beneath the darkest blanket?
what bought breaks past your distant window?
is it the stillness inside of you rupturing?

someday it shall emerge
grotesquely from your centre
and devour all that remains
and there your body will lie, twitching
a blood-filled cavity
useless attempting to repair the fatal blow

and i will miss you
for now all that remains is hollow
the lifeless look in your stare haunts me
so i will not return here
for in my mind, you died that day
and all that i had ever hoped for
went away with you too

soft seas of white
unbearable to the warmhearted
for crystal chalices are containers
frozen and unfeeling to the bitterness
numbed by this climate
and all wounds that freeze over
are lethal to **** in your heat
and for each spring that passes
i await my demise
but the winter before keeps me intact
i dare not walk in your summer
for surely that would be my end
so if you reach out to me, love
do not be crestfallen when i do not respond
for i poured my nature into your hollow
and was ambushed by your vacancy
i have been collapsed and discharged by your fears
for they mimic my own
and though i have cultivated my courage
you are still held back at the precipice of your qualms
to you i must seem manic
for i believe in love
i follow my heart
though it may lead to dark edges
but you, forlorn by your vigilance
stagger in your struggle to remain conscious
unaware that your wick has been cut loose
and failed to ignite the once blazing sparks of your brilliance
i pity your heat
for it has no place to burn
and soon, it too will wither into ash
and be set upon a pedestal that will restrain you there
in the glaciers that have become your keep

do not let yourself be drowned
by the absent-filled memory of a lie
smile, like a blooming flower
inviting in the sun
as if every consuming lie
is erased by each ray of sunlight
as if every gust of wind
pulling at your petals does not destroy
but builds strength
as if the rain purifies your heart
and the earth beneath your feet
allows its roots to seep in
and pull the pieces of you back together

you found me
when i thought i was alone
lost, you brought me home
you discovered me
my passion, my resolve
my feelings, with your stable shoulders
you uncovered
the pain and sadness
and banished them
and replaced them instead with your essence
you molded me
with determination and strength
by the seat on your back
you taught me dedication
you gave me trust
and in those unstable hands
somehow i was able
so i gave you mine
along with my heart and undying love
it still burns for you

thank-you
for everything that you were
for it created everything that i am
i am honoured
that you chose me
to be your partner
maybe it was because we shared
the same hurts
that we were able to blossom
together
you were so beautiful to me
i grew with you
as did you with me
i could not ask for anything
more precious than the time i spent with you
i will love you forever

keep waiting
and i will find you again
i promise

plucked the heart from my hollowed chest
and cut the strings like you stole my roots
as if i were your garden of joy
where you replaced in me your own flowers
and helped me watch it grow
but it was in vain
for every flower decayed
with every lie and every cruel word
and soon you slowly dug up your own heart
under the freshly turned over soil
and i began to see you with clear vision
as if new tides washed away old blessings
and revealed your reflection in the moonlight
where i began to hate the heart you held with tainted fingers
long and grim as they gripped tightly around their prized possession
closing ever so slowly, one finger at a time
slowly removing my lightened hand
i beg of you to let go
for i cannot stand your agony that is now burned within me
as if the empty casing of your chest
was hungrily seeking to devour something that was mine
and slowly turned something beautiful
into something hated and ashamed
like the lusted rose after the summer heat
withered and decayed
so now i beg of you
keep what was given to you
for i no longer need it
nor do i desire to attain it once more
for in me it would only relive each aching memory of you
within it i would only be reminded of how hollow i became
of how worthless and lonely i felt with you
no, i cannot bear to see what you have done to it
now that i have forced you to disappear
for i know that from the roots you left behind
a new heart will emerge from the soil
more beautiful than the last, more pure
and with it i will learn from everything i punished it with before
and i will no longer wish for your return
for i lament not for my broken heart
but instead rejoice in a new beginning
one that i will pass on when it is truly deserved
for i know that the sweetest structure will be my heart someday

your elegance provokes me
so clear in the distance
like the wheat fields in the summer breeze
golden and fragrant
nearer to your acreage
accompanied by your freckled ambition
deflated lungs
breathless at the sight of you
wild heart in your vines
struggling to escape their grip
but i remain wrapped in your strength
unharmed and safe
unknowing to the state of my weary heart
i know not why i fight
for you hold no threat
fragile bird
why do you not spread your wings
and escape the cage of me?
for unlike you, i am not a haven
mist fills my forest and covers its lakes
haunting the stability that you possess
the fire of your paper chest
creating ashes for your footprints
that lead to me
drowning in my lake
and with the absence of terror
you quietly step into the waves
and sooth the burns in my elemental arms
the raw connection sustains us
and as i relieve you of my torture
i see again the golden fields at dawn
washed away by my water
soothed across your chest

eastern seas and trembling hands
do not take me yet
for the winds of these sails
have yet to become filled
with the salted tears
of turquoise valor
let this ship wander
the vastness of the open waters
and land alike
for the shores of distant territories
are carried upon the breath of the ocean
as if the ancient voices of seductive sirens
were calling me forth
their enchanting song
an enticing peril
that i dare not follow
my wary crew
i bid adieu
upon a wooden raft
sink not your anchor
for i remain an explorer
of the forgotten ways

the inherent loneliness creeps back into my body
heart bent around something that doesn't exist for me
although it flusters easily
i use all i have to fill the void
though it does nothing for me
in the desolate hours of the night
when i cannot sleep because i am alone
i dare not open the chest of you
it leaves more tar across my rib cage
sticky and infuriating to remove
burn me once more
there must be something meaningful in this pain

failure to extinguish every fire you set forth
upon each field of crops
has left each acre desolate
dead roots beneath charred ground
but it is from these ashes
that i collected the strongest seeds
surviving through adversity
and tilled into growth once more

radio silence

i am left grasping at weak ideas
plastered through my brain
i do not believe you are aware
of the harm you cause me
in your absence

how selfish i must seem
to desire you for myself
how young and naïve i look
in your eyes of solitude
am i a fool?
for seeing something in your blind stare?
or were you truthful to me there?

the wavelengths between our separation burns
marring the pale skin you once caressed
i wonder at my reflection
failing to recognize myself
for i do not feel the same
you shifted something unknown to me
and with every ounce of strength
i have failed to put it back
you disappeared sooner than i expected
with little more than a faint good-bye

how girlish i must be to you
how weak and desperate
to hold each kind word in such high regard
to you i am worthless
to you i am destroyed, broken
a dead toy
used and unamusing to keep your time

search through your channels
for what you require
but do not expect my reply
for i  turned you to static
at the first sound of change

with an uncovered heart
i stand pale against the horizon
the sky
painted in pastel
and before me remains
the muted vision of the grey night
encompassed by your luminescence
for it is as if
i have been awakened
by the colours of your lips
the tranquil breath
which lies peacefully in the night
that has captured me with such fluidity
that i dare not flee
for surely i would drown
without the surrounding arms
that i have claimed
as home

brought back by an old greeting
of warm breath and soft skin
the hay-filled scent of childhood yearning
fulfilled once more
by the slender elegance of a whiskered muzzle
a place of sacred worship
where every sorrow was once laid to rest
from those beloved younger years
oh, how easily forgotten this place was
how swiftly it became tainted
by the red passing of first love
for the place that once guarded sanctuary
became a district of grief
yet here the fantasy of little girls is awakened once again
where the shrine of golden tenderness
rests anew within the eyes of a horse

soft implications
imprinted on white waves of silk
where the immaculate seas of blue
rest on ivory hills
floating upon the currents of sweet air
and he is drowning in the clear water
surrounded by fiends of gold
awaiting a breath that comes easily
before he is able to witness
her emergence to the red decline

you disgust me
with your polluted tongue
sullied by your malcontent
absorbed in your egocentricities
it must be exhausting to feed your conceitism
how do you rationalize your inflation?
i find it difficult not to trip on your ego
for you must realize your inadequacies
or has your narcissism bloomed early?
continue on your rampage
for it leads to destruction
i know all too well of your kind
the pompous fall in their rise to power
bleak and solitary
i wait for the day when you acknowledge
each transgression

waiting for the world to stop spinning
long enough for me to catch my breath
i cannot stop this overflow
i can only freeze it
though my strength is weakening
be wary
for someday this pain will emerge from my chest
and the overflow will cascade
from the dark hollow in my chest
and drown all in its rage

stolen flame
burnt fingers upon still heartache
wary of the trust in you
my faith stings
beneath each careful step
left believing in something
that is not confirmed or denied

i lay here
hanging
on each empty word
filled with anxiety
i am lost
you are too
but we managed to find each other
in the damp forest

i can't say how long i'll last
in your crystal gaze
frozen in your ways
for i am tired
and full of aching heartbeats
thriving on your existence
but you survive without me

i am lost
i see you no longer here
you have shifted

i am gone

the abuser tried to contact me
through his coward device online
the place where he sits to work
twisting and turning his words into easy prey
the place where i saw him work
light keystrokes of heavy rage
set out to destroy the happiness around him

he tried to contact me
as if i were an old friend
as if months of beautiful silence had not gone by
i don't know what he wants to say
because i have shut out the old version of myself
that would willfully go running back to him
i am disgusted by the girl i was
so warped
that every ounce of pain inflicted
every compromised moment of "love"
was meaningful

i can never go back
i won't
there isn't anything in the world
that could make me venture
to the chaotic territory of a
self-loathing
compulsive, lying
unstable
psychotic
manipulative man
who tore apart everything i had built for myself
and called it love

so here's my message to you:

                                          go **** yourself
                                          with your petty mind games
                       because i am strong
                                  and everything that i rebuilt is equipped
                                                 to destroy anyone like you
                        who tries to come near

i am finished, i am happy, i am me
finally
i can be me

a lover's quarrel
awaited tune
unspoken words
left for june
and all undone
a man shall quote
"do not wait for Romeo"

unbound feet escort me
afar from whence i came
the long forgotten footpaths
lay long behind my memory
searching, i wander
through the vast sea of green before me
the raging wind captured
in the brief rush of eager leaves
quick to their demise
sheltering my easy steps
from the traces of the shadow walkers
who track me in the night

hark, now
i hear them
                                         calling
their hungry voices
decline in me the longing for new land
beyond the crystal coastline
where i can abandon the thick desolation
of the land you once called home

how thin the walls
they're closing in
a quaking call
and it begins

so soldiers march
their heads held high
fighting with
the darkened sky

for weak and strong
there is no low
they traveled long
for death to foe

when lovers call
he'll pass her by
for he will fall
with battle cry

for on once more
they'll march the path
the deathly roar
of king and wrath

and yet it ends
in merriment
while others call
for chariot

die for your country

anguish set sail upon a dying ship
cast off to secluded land
eternally lost at sea
to the wake of forgotten woes
for in your stride
i find again my strength
as if your arms
are part of me
a guide to deserted land
that has only seen
the resembled marks of weary feet
and innocence

it is not a bitter heart
that refuses to fall in love
it is not the absence
of warm collecting arms
nor the objective
of finding something missing
that traces this immunity
it is the acceptance of solitude
of self-defiant fate
of lacking sentiments
where truly i grow strong
for on my own
i am strength

in your white city
wrapped in pavement
nestled between the hills
where nothing flourishes
the tree tops close to you
eager to tear apart from the ground
your tainted water
is poison
to all who wish to seek its purity

a smothered innocence
born into a soulless city
and the metal-clad titans
that threaten my wooden structure
break through my barrier, into my arms
my weaponry is pillaged
and i again remain reckless to you
your striking force
blunt across my chest
breathless, i remain in your agony

and as messages from you come up silent
i feel my heart floating
in your ominous sea
tying joyous knots
between frequent skipping beats
creating drops of your voice
that are echoed in the wells of my chest
for your sweet words blossomed twice
like clear stained letters
written near dawn

i fear
that the collapse of your growth is nearing
and the words that once laid before you
are voices in the distance
and the landscape of  your thoughts
buried shame
is brought upon still hearts
publicized
and all we wished to stay hidden
is torn across the horizon
and stretched across the bridges
with sorrow tipped urgency

and you lament to me
for i dreamt of your sorrow
going to the branches
when you should have sought the core
for now, all that is hopeless in your misery
is set free upon the village
set loose upon a whim
in your undying destruction

descend upon me in your radiance
for i was conceived in your fire
and now i stand, chest heaving
burnt in your tragedy
awaiting your return to my ruins
but your smile plays to your demise
and you instead cover me in your distance
a walking dream of your terror
the putrid evidence of your existence
leaves a stain upon my flesh
for i believed in your like a religion
for you were the disciple of my heart
but that legacy has been destroyed
for you have never carried your sins

like my wish upon a fallen star
burnt out upon the night
prepare yourself for slaughter
for when the evening breaks
the sun will be red with tears
and i will be born again in your remains

recently i have been living beneath the soil
unable to breathe
each breath brings a mouthful of pain and disgust
my lungs fill with these things
shards of people
with your monstrous teeth
you will dig and find me there
unable to speak
tear me apart like a carnivore
the smell of blood is too overwhelming
the scars are still raw from your existence