it's so strange afterwards
when it's finished
when it has been finished for some
time--
she sat on her bed in her bedroom
and I sat in a chair
and I had to tell her how strange it
was--
"nothing against you
but when I look at you now
I can't understand how you ever made a
madman out of me,
how you got hold of my feelings..."
she just sat there and smiled,
her body the same,
her red hair as long as ever.
she had never loved me.
it only mattered a little to her
that I had gotten away.
she was working on other prey.
she sat there and told me about him.
I listened.
when I left I didn't kiss her goodbye.
I got into my car and drove away.
after driving 4 or 5 blocks
I was no longer
thinking about her.

I loved her with such savagery
that losing her keeps me alive
being with her would **** me

on my gravestone mark my name
with the strands of her hair
and leave my eyes wide open

I will enter heaven and burn it
for a love like mine
should not exist

Her head lay on my chest
don't wake me now
**** me if I open my eyes again

I want the angels to slay me
with her eyelashes
my blood will be your wine

I swear by the sombre spring sun
that her breath will remain in mine
As I lie dying with my eyes wide open

And it's over
I have killed it
I have taken the heart out
and placed it between the darkness and the hate

I remember our dance
breaking time
the floors we sprayed blood on
and the corners we cried in

we have drunk up all the oceans
ruptured all our vessels
blood
and
thirst

I will never cry for you
for if I did
I would burn every poem ever written
every word of love that ever blossomed

to see you in others arms.
I know how the desert feels to water
oceans will dry my love
and the earth will be scorched

my death will be sung
birds will cry in the sky
shadows will die
clouds will vanish

and we will lay there
together
like we did always
as if forever

End.

There was a memory
Once
Where I thought I knew you
We were lovers
Swimming in each others souls
Your skin melted into mine
Your eyes scorched into mine
My dearest and only love
If only you knew of our memory
The long walks
Time stopping
Hearts beating as one
Your touch
Your kiss
Where your arms stopped and mine began
Entangled hair
Sweaty skin
Breathing sighs
One
If only you were someone else
Then I wouldn’t write this
The blood that runs through this city ours
The rain tastes salty because of us
Each night the sun is gone
But now the moon reminds us of something forgotten
I am now your barren moon
I beg you for your sunlight
Dry
Dead
Desolate
Waiting to die
Oh my heart
I will wait and die
With my eyes wide open

I am sorry for all the hurt
The drama
Ego
I should have just let us be
The place where it just is
And where we truly belong
Things should follow their natural course
I believe they will
I have to
As that saturday just came into being
Naturally
Magically and mystically
My faith is based on that
Not muslim
But my faith is now called Saturday
Whatever that divine bolt of lightening was
And whatever will happen
Will happen
When it needs to
Leave it be

We love
Love of things
Hearts and minds
Looks and common characters
Similar passions and likes
Someone may like her smile
Her humour
Or just the way she looks
All of these things make us fall in love
How they make us laugh
How they make us cry
How we enjoy their company
How we enjoy the same likes and dislikes
Love of their families
Love their money
And dreams and words
But they will all one day fade
Money will
Looks will
Similar hobbies will
Friendship will

Even Love will.

But then I ponder at you
It was never a love for any of these things
And paradoxically it became love of all these things
You exist without me and with me
And I without you and with you
But as imperfect as we both are
Together we are perfectly imperfect
People find each other
Bump into each other
And make each other fit
Like puzzles
Sometimes force each other to fit
But as the universe was created
And gases formed
And worlds created
At the first existence of consciousness
You were there
And so was I
Twins
One
Whole
Always
There's something I know when I'm with you
But forget when you're not here

I don't love you for anything other than just you existing
However you are
Whoever you are
Just be
Only then the puzzle settles
And you and me become
We
The rustle and tussle
Of our tormented beings
Is a fire burning
But I know one thing
You are the coolness of my soul
And the demons who howl within
Quieten and dampen
When we're together
This conflict will anger the world
Us being together
May not happen
Cannot happen
Or may happen
Will happen
Either way
I know this
Calm
Quiet
Peace
And
One
Gods finger comes down
He himself forces all his energy
Like magnets forcing us together
A presence so strong, saying
A bolt of lightening saying
"I am here"
Must have been what Jesus felt like
When he got revelation
Knowing nobody would believe him
Who would believe us?
That is what I know
The rest is not our fault
All I can do is love you
And know what we both know
I don't expect anything
Just that I love you
That the revelation is real
The rest is not our fault
I know what I want
But in the end
There is one truth
The rest is lies
The rest is not our fault
One
Unity
I. Am. Here. Now.
Breathe.
I exist in that breath
Sigh
I exist in that sigh
You walk that razor
Don't
Walk the water with me
Like we used to
Like we do
When we remember
The rest is not our fault
Forgive me
Hate me
Leave me
But know when you're away
We'll both be walking that razor
When you're here
There's something we both know
But for now, let it be
Let's just see

The noise we make
the shrieks remain timeless
forever ringing my ears
the silence is deafening

The skin we shred
nails tearing into flesh
breaking it into clay
for a new birth

The world we destroyed
drowning our eyes
killing our reflections
breaking our coiled nature

The love we had
I want all our pieces together
I want us to burn ourselves
wear the earths ashes as crowns

The heaven we created
the sand dunes of hell
will know your name
as I extinguish it with your memory

I shed my skin to be free of you
A rebirth to forget what is true

Where are you?

Barbarous thoughts haunt me
Silent shadows taunt me

I am here

I bury my soul in the darkest place
To deny a reality that stares at my face

I never left, my love

The moonlit breeze carries your name
I still close our eyes next to my pain

Come, I am here

Your embrace still lingers
As I search you with my fingers

Never leave me, my love

I fear when you become my past
For that day will be my last

Come

You made the earth stand still
And killed everyone who stood at will

I've always loved you, always will

Picking up the heavy pieces is so torturous
I die and will rise again like Lazarus

You talk of strangers?
I've tested my own kind
People protect themselves from thorns
I've gained my injuries through flowers
Since that day she made me mad

Who cares if I bow my head
To my lovers feet
It's my head
I put it where I like
Call me heretic
Cast me out then
Every person is ready with a stone
All ready to silence me
Because I speak the truth
I know what you don't
Since that day she made me mad

You talk of other people
The world is full idolatry
Worshipping idols and totems
Have you ever worshipped
the seed that grows from the ground?
So stone me
I would rather worship these stones
That today you pelt me with
Since that day she made me mad

Mother, tell her not to call out the name of her dead friends  
so loudly in the middle of the night  
when I am gone  
I fear that this malicious world  
will say that my songs were evil  

Mother tell her to torment my very being  ask her to shout out my name  
in the sand dunes of hell  
she will not change her stab wounds  
nor the way she sleeps sweating and curved  
Mother  I cannot sleep.

I loved her before she knew
before movement was revealed
shards of coal and light born
stone carved and rivers form

resonating through stillness
void and creation
breath and death
earth and birth

knowing and blindess
are one and same
we both know
yet only I could see

your eyes closed
but you do know
I was married to you
before you knew

it is hard to search for you amidst straws
broken flowers and burnt wood
charred hands and worn face

how does a man know he's alive mother?

we fight and die
we rise and lay our swords
we hurt and give birth

how does a man know he's loved mother?

through her eyes
her whisper
her healing touch

how does man know he loves mother?

by tearing out his eyes
cutting his torso
let the world know you're defeated

I have loved her mother

I have loved to the peaks of ecstasy
til my self was sand
til my heart became an ember

mother, take me back

you will be born again
in her womb
with eyes that know her like you did before

My love,

There is a grief so heavy
If I spoke about it
The wind would howl your name
I cannot bear the silence
The solitude of life without you

When I found you
I learned how to breathe
Now you're gone
All the air has vanished
Yet I am cursed to live
To walk this unreal plain

Today I write
A poem
That does not come
from the pen of a poet
I write with
a withered smile
Weathered face
Battered tongue

I've learned how to engage
In human constructs
Laugh, smile and cry
At the right occasions
All parlance and fraud
The only thing real is you
To be loved is one thing
To be one is another
I shall walk this earth
Wishing for death
I shall die with my eyes wide open
Waiting for you

I shriek her name
At the loudest part of my soul
Hoping time will reverberate my echo
So she hears it
The same way it flows through me

Shadows of the past
Fragmented memories of torture
Burn me whole
The way we looked at each other
Strands of hair
The smell of lips
The taste of wine
That cursed alley we walked
These cursed streets that haunt our feet

I drank from that cup
That only the wretched truthful ones drink
I saw the earth shake
Time standing still
All our demons vanish
A perfect solitude
A strife so venomous
That walking away
Would be heresy

I now curse all the angels
And all those who utter gods name
You have not seen the divine
I have
I know what the devil feels
How dare God show himself to me

Burn me
So my embers
Become a crown on her head
So that she remembers that once
She kissed the devil