Dying to tell you
how hard things have been
Dying to tell you
I haven't loved again
Dying to hear you
still think of my eyes
Dying to hear you
regret those goodbyes

counting off fifths of bourbon,
each one i labeled as my last,
the rows of glass bottles, empty of amber
crowd my subconscious

and now, clinking from my passenger seat
at the bumps in the road
sings a tinkling melody of my defeat

i blame those nights,
[which are most nights]
that are drowned by a persistently resonating
lack of noises and voices
which urge me to stifle the drone with a triple shot on the rocks
hold.the.mixer.hold.the.water.&.no.last.call

so when i can manage to recall
how much lighter i am
on those rare mornings,
unburdened by the sloshing, sickened weight of the evening's burning fog,
a subsequent golden haze effectively numbs me
and the thrumming darkness fades into liquid amber

My soul is my pen, my heart its ink.
I write to you my intuition with the gesture of a wink.
Though I blink and so I write,
our love has progressed without a doubt in sight.
If only we could return to that once intrepid night,
when we sang together with our souls,
the whispers of the night.

In the summer
I stretch out on the shore
And think of you
Had I told the sea
What I felt for you,
It would have left its shores,
Its shells,
Its fish,
And followed me

A Voice From The past

Nineteen years old, why did I die?
I gave up my life so you could be free
Out of the trench, over the top
Keep marching forward
Don’t think to stop
Into dante's inferno of shot and of shell
Men start to die in that corner of hell
Mother dear mother a pitiful cry
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to die
Only ten yards have been crossed
And the dead lie in rows
More names to be carved
On memorial stones
The machine guns can’t miss us
The range is so short
The reality of modern war
This is not a sport
I continue on into that shot riven hell
A test of my courage a test of my will
A sharp burning pain, its over for me
Another name on the stone
Now just a distant memory
Along with my friends I have given my life
To give you a life
A life that is free

i let you in
so completely
it was sickening

your hands inside
the darker parts
of my forever tripping brain

you came out
knuckles black
****** and bruised by
the great fight my soul
put up

i tried to do the same
to reach within
your all encompassing blackness
to grab the single bit of life

i came back
heartbroken and with
my nose running ******

you beat my own game
even 900 miles
from where it began

i came back bloodied and
empty
you came back beaten
but *victorious

Trust is a
must
trust
someone
sometimes.

The monsters
They don't sleep
Underneath the bed
Oh no, all those monsters
Are sleeping in your head
Except, they aren't
Really asleep
At all.
They are
Screaming and
Clawing and tearing
At your mind. They bruise
And blunder through your
Thoughts until you
Can't tell if
They are
Yours.
And you
You are so
Unrecognizable.
Even to yourself you
Are someone totally different
I guess you're a monster, too.
Because you fought
Hard and Long.
But you
Lost.

I want to die;
no, actually- I want to live.
but, I want to escape
from the time that traps me
that holds me down
and suspends me underneath
the lack of ticking from the minute hand;
as the clock stares me down
not understanding what goes on in my head.
I want time to move so fast
despite my fear of the future.
I want it to pass by quick
so I wouldn't have moments that would pause completely
and the pain would linger on and on and
it would hurts so much continuously
and I'm frozen in this moment
and time isn't moving
and I can't go on
and my legs won't twitch and my heart won't beat
and I'm just stuck in this moment of complete terror and hurt and
i           don't            know          what         to                      
                                                                                do