It's three am, she just cannot sleep
Not anymore can her peace she keep
  
          the room, so cold

She is fine during the day
When the sun keeps all death away
At evenings twilight is when she feels

        the fragrance of his cologne is so strong

Everything around her reminds her, she cannot deal
His presence is stronger every night
She knows she can no longer fight

         she feels cold lips upon her cheek

She draws a bath, but not for pleasure
It is only now to help her in this final measure

a cold, chilling presence helps her grab the knife

The knife she wields glints off the tile stone                        
Soon she will, this knife hone

She slips out of her robe
Hurries into the water, for this bathroom has become cold

   "You're here waiting for me darling?" She asks aloud
            
She poises the knife on the underside of her wrist

       she feels a cold hand help her press

She presses hard, the blade slicing easily
embracing deaths kiss
She hopes that her soul can take the cost

    "Yes my love! Come to me for eternity!"

As her blood on the stone makes a crimson gloss
The world becomes dark, still

        so dark, but she is no longer cold

The stone floor has had its fill
She opens her ethereal eyes
It is not him by her side
      
         "Who are you?!"

He is not there,  her forever mate

         "I am now your lover Mon charie."    

Instead she stands next to her demon

          eyes now filled with terror

In front of Hell's gate

     *He has now claimed his eternal bride

In the end
we die
This journey in life
it's all lies
We are never truly connected
everyone leaves
You're always alone
*inside...

The moon she rises in such tranquility
Bathing the earth in hushed light
The stars she uses as her playground
Flitting them into pictures of the night
The night birds and all nocturnal's start to pay homage to the the glory of her
Singing their songs of chirps and howls, and moans in houses unheard
She sends dreams to those who are most in need
Silently she sings her lullaby through the trees
Hushed is the world when she comes to play
In this twilight that follows the harshest of days

The words were failed said
Leaving my heart an ache
Mind blowing with possibilities
My soul crying in disbelief
And true to my nature is
I make excuses
For words left unsaid
Defending you to my own heart
My mind screaming
"Is not lost, his heart!"
The sun now gives way
Attempting to rid the night's agony
My heart still aches
With words left unsaid
I pray today
My heart be stilled

Ooh! What fun! What fun!
It's new! Exciting! Intriguing!
It's scary, nervous, but Tantalizing!
Forbidden,  that's what we've been told
Forbidden to have fun within these folds
Ha! ha! ha! I laugh at that!
I'm just having fun...
Letting the butterflies soar!
Out of my stomach and into my throat
Enjoying the feeling......

FREEDOM!

And suddenly the world made sense
As she watched the moon hide behind the clouds

Her heart is scarred with tears
Pockmarked upon itself
She tries to hide this from the world
    With a book of paper as her shield    

She wields her sword of ink
Trying to be a warrior of light
She attempts words of love
While taking in ragged breaths
This though she cannot do
       So words of love turn to death      

True loves kiss for her is just a dream
One that only plays out in fantasy
She feels to broken, scarred and lost
To again have a love so true
She knows what is true loves cost
She does not know if she is ready to again pay that due

Slipped into my life
Slipped into yours
Slipped into bed
Slipped out the door

Slipped into your hands
Slipped into mine
Slipped on your lips
Slipped up my spine

Slipped into your arms
Slipped into me
Slipped into feelings
No,
**here you tripped me

I tried to put myself in your shoes
To see and feel the way that you do
But when I did my own feelings would intrude
It was then felt lost and confused
Unsure, unstable, not knowing what to do
I tried to grab inspiration from this
Only to find my own thoughts were amiss
So speak the truth clear and plain
For me to see
What is in your mind and heart
Is it me

How funny
I'm shaking.
Can barely put on my makeup.  
I've known you for years, but here I am shaking.
For years we've known each other, but for the past several I've been hidden.
I'm free now,
and tonight I'm shaking.

My poetry is my soul upon display
For all the world to see
It shows the scars that I keep hidden
How my heart is broken and bleeds  

Displays the truths I cannot tell
   Shows that my soul is a living hell  

It is broken and scattered
To the four winds of time
It is painful and bitter
   All of it mine  

   My soul is living    
But barely so
It cries to the heavens
         To bring me home        

When you read my poetry  
Please read it with care
Handle it gently
Judge me fair

She sits as she holds a paper thin hand
She hears the labored breathing
She tells the others it's near the end
No family to be there
No mournful wails
It's just the nurses and aids to offer care
Slowly the breathing sings the song of death
The grip on her hand becomes less and less
Finally the hand loses all strength
The room becomes quiet
No one dare breathes  
Sound returns of the bustling in the ward
The others leave letting her mourn
She did not get to save a life that day
Instead she helped a soul because she stayed.

Why* can it not happen?
Why does it fail everytime?
The *longing for the end is excruciating
The pills did not work
The knife was too dull
The gun  jammed
All these things keeping the end away
The question begs answered
WHY?
then  two  small  voices  ring  ­with  laughter  in    the   other  room
THAT is the answer
THAT is why the end is still far *away

What a wonderous feeling
The air is cool and crisp with a hint of heat to come later today
I hear the sounds of nature calling
Mother calling me home
"Come child, walk with me under the harsh sun"
I shall abide
Today I will leave my sins at the base
Today my mountain I shall climb

I have been told love is pain.
Love is not just pain.
It is freedom.
It is sensual.
  It is all encompassing.  
Love burns.
The light from loves flame can blind
but let you see.
It can burn so hot nothing  
can put it out.
The flame of love can dim.
***** itself out.  
Love is pain.
Love is the caressing flames.

Slowly the world fades to black
Stars shine in the twilight sky
Moon hangs on by a thread

Whispers seep into my ears
The ones of me and you
Passion and lust intermingle
Reminding me of what to me you do

A lonely night sits before me
As  memories rush into my mind
forcing me to see
      The longing I have for a you and me

Where are you?
My support, my healing hand
The one who'd scare away the monsters
The lap I used to sit in

Where did you go?
Threw me to the side like trash
I guess I'm worthless to you
Here when I need you most

Do you no longer have my back?
Never once had to question this
Now I don't know where to turn
My blood to me has ***** slapped

Blood is thicker than water?
I always thought it was
Seems you've turned the tables
*Now it seems you're all about the other

The winds of change are coming
Feel it in your bones
Summers blistering heat
Says goodbye
Welcome in autumn's chill
The heart that felt cold
Even with summers blazing heat
Now becomes warm
Upon the autumn breeze
The book that's been worn
So many times re-read
Pages of past fall out
Blown away
by the autumn wind
The unassumed campfire
Now becomes the pasts
Celebrated funeral pyre
Acrid smoke changes
To the sweet scent of freedom
As the past burns
The heart is warmed
the soul set free
Upon this autumn's
Winds of change

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Claimed, intimate, good
Body is worn out from you
Lust fed full for now

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

If you could see as I see
Then you could try as I could
To find the words that I do
To describe the things that I try
When I see the world that I see
When I see the world in your eyes

Write a poem about me
Tell me all the evils you see in me
     It's ok to be harsh
Write a poem about me
Tell me how my heart is mended and no longer bleeds
   Though I still feel the holes
Write a poem about me
Tell me how there is love left in this soul you see
      To me it's as dark as obsidian
Write a poem about me
Tell me all the secrets of the third face I cannot see
        I really do think I keep it hidden
Write a poem about me
Just, write what you really see

She is the falling star
The one you wished upon from afar
You saw her as bright she burned  
You closed your eyes to wish your turn
You should not have eyes you closed
For now her light is gone, the one she showed
She will come around again
Stay true to her and do not close your eyes when she comes then

To the world she seems ok
Strong, independent, resourceful
She sings as though no one is listening
Dances to the music in her head as though no one is watching
Laughs at even the most ridiculous jokes
Smiles everyday to appease the masses
To the world she seems ok
Look though,  look deep into her eyes
The ones that others see and believe that  all is fine
Look deep though and you will see
She is crying,  but the world will not see
They will not see this damage
They will not see her ache
She will keep this to herself
But look deeply, you will see
This secret of hers you can break, set free
Do not let her know that you know
Just hold her, be there
Do this and soon, sooner than you think
You will mend this secret she keeps

She knows
Oh my how she knows
Seeing the furtive glances
The car leaving before the crack of dawn
She reads between the lines
When you tell her you're going to a friend's
She gives certain looks herself
Not just at you
But also to the other
You believe you're fooling her
But she sees the pupils dilate
When she says certain phrases
Certain names and places
A secret no more
Oh yes, she knows
**The intuition of a mother