Skipping beats
Labored breath
Restless mind
Put now to rest

Longing calmed
Worries squelched
Under gaze
Skin melts

Crimson red
Blood flows
Cut too deep
Sees the soul

Does not leave
Forever stays
Blood soaked hands
Held till morning rays

Heart put right
Unsure no more
This is right
Felt in core

Do you understand this Mr so-n-so?
He works for her and her alone.
Are you really understanding  this?
She's saying goodbye in the decrees quips
Are you sure you truly understand?
She no longer wants you as her man
I just want to make sure you're getting this all
She's done with you
She's through
No more dances at the ball
So let her go, let her fly
Do not attempt to hold her back with simple lies
I will see and so will he
Then we will give you misery
So tell me again Mr man
That this you truly understand
She's gone from you
There will no longer be a her and you

Don't look behind you
It is only me
The cool breath on your neck
My calling card you see
When you lay down on your pillow tonight
Don't worry the hands that encircle your heart
These ones of ice
That is just me letting you know
You can try and hide
But the reaper will show
I'll delve into your heart and mind
Show what you've missed
What you left behind
I'll make you crazy
Wishing that you could redo what's been done
I'll play with you tonight
For that is my fun
To make you cry and beg and lament
Of the one's whose souls
You left broken and spent
I'll play this game with you
For however long I please
Then when you think you can handle it
I'll do one last squeeze
My icy hands around your heart
You will wish then
To find her and make your mark
Though you will not be able to
For her I've given life anew
You see dear one,
Who is now turning deathly blue,
Her life I've now taken from you

"Who are you?
Where have you gone?"

"Whom of do you speak?"

"Her, that one."

"Oh, I have killed her
Set her soul free
She was too kind, too weak
Her once repressed soul
Now resides in me"

"Do you not like what you now see?"

"No, I want her back with me"

*"Too bad. She's gone
You never from her should have run
She gave herself to me then"

Your tongue is that of a double edged sword
The pain you cause my mouth makes me beg for more
As you leave your mark down my body
The trails visible
The blood that follows slowly drips down
You speak of lust only for me
But bid me leave
after my body you've left broken to bleed
Oh how I love your double edged sword
It may hurt
But I'll take more

One lover
Two lovers
Three lovers
Down

Four lovers
Five lovers
Six lovers
Bound

Beneath my feet.
Laying broken
upon the ground

One lover remains

Number seven in all
Think I'll keep him in my back pocket
Never know when I'll
need another go around

Men will come a dime by the dozen
But you in my life
You're not one of them
No, you're more
I don't know how much more but yes
More to me than you could ever see.
Ever know
And I want you back, I need my friend my lover back into my life
Don't deny it, I think you want the same
You can't help but put your fingers to the keys and respond to my words
You can't help but talk of future after we're done sweating out the nights alcohol
I told you once, I don't forget
I remember the words you say
I remember the games you try to play
I won't let you forget
I'll keep after you until you jump the ship
You'll have to delete me from every part of your life
I don't think you can
I think my blood is now on your hands, in your veins
That's where I am, that's where I'll stay
You can't outrun me even if you tried
But that ok
Because men come a dozen to the dime

I have been
Chewed up
Spit on and out
Stepped on
Ridiculed

I have also
Been loved
Seen love
Felt love
Hugged and cherished

One way was a pitfall
The other saving grace
Either way
I wasn't ignored like I am now

I'm fine
except for the rolling, boiling, toiling of my insides

I'm doing ok
my body is just dying inside

Don't worry about me
my stomach is just in knots

See, I'm smiling
my soul has just become black

No tears for me
my heart just hurts

Look, I said I'm ok
don't believe me

*I'm a habitual liar.....

Flying high off the edge
Found the end of the world and I'm gonna jump
Into the galaxies, the milky way I'll swim through
Use Saturn's rings for my hula hoops
When I get too cold I'll take a trip to Mercury
There I'll get a nice tan
Explore Mars for a while
Look at the red sand
Venus is my planet, all feminine and such
I think I'll skip it
Take my foot and kick Uranus' ****
Jupiter is pretty, but don't want that either
Think I'll explore some more
Let the milky way be my slingshot

Granny get your gun
The house will soon be overrun
Momma grab your boys
Take them to the cellar
Tell 'em to stay from the killer
Now's not the time to play hero
Granny get your gun
Momma grab your sword
The men have left
All up to you
The terrorist come
Granny get your gun
Time to have some fun
Barricade the yard
No time for bombs
Momma use your charms
Granny has the gun
Aim is sure sweet
She'll knock 'em off their feet
Momma used her charm
Lured them to the yard
Boys kept safe
Still to young to play
But Granny has the gun

The street lights streak by as though I'm on an acid trip.
They become rainbows of colors as I'm racing to escape.
Escape what I do not know.
I just feel the urge to run and hide, even from my shadow.
Ignored I have been, so miss me not will they.
Though I have been there for them, a heroine, their dragons I've slayed.
Words of encouragement over and over I gave.
Nothing in return, ignored me have they.
I do not crave a thank you or such.
I do not care for exploitation that much. But to be ignored is something I can't stand.
When I have given my all, my whole world into their hands.
So miss they will not as I run into oblivion. Hide I will till I can place them in my position.

Dear Cupid,

I ask that you please go away today. You see, my heart doesn't want to play. The games you like to throw at us all. My love is always given but never returned in these games where I fall. You have yet to do me right. I've never had a happy Valentine's so why should it be different tonight? So go away I implore of you. Find someone else to shoot your arrow through. Yes I know you have given me a lover. That's fine.  But cupid, I can find those ten pennies on the dime. Your arrow it nicked me and now I'm mad. For a lover is all he wants to be. Now you've gone and done it. **** your arrow that has nicked me.

Forever loathing you cupid,
Me

Empty promises
Empty words
Everyone that's spoken
Can never be unheard

Keep the promises to yourself
Do not try and riddle the mind
For it will be detrimental
To ones mental health

If you choose to speak
Then speak with statements true
Do not use words that are empty
For in the end, karma will have you

I sit here pondering on what I should write
My mind goes left
My mind goes right
The left is all unicorns, fantasies, and such
The right holds a more scientific touch
My left is screaming love and lust
While my right states clearly
Honestly, you are not ready to trust
So on to the pen and parchment I write
While my thoughts go left
Then turn and take a sharp right

I got a new phone yesterday
All bright, shiny, and new
Transfered all important documents
All contacts too
Then I opened her up
Ready to write
My words were gone
Out of site
I went to text you
Ask your advice
Your contact still there
I sent a message hoping I'd find
Inspiration from your mind
I guess I did
Not how I would have liked
Though your number is here
Like my words,  you're gone
Out of site....

Three rows from the front
That's where I sit
Oh, and to the right of the pulpit
My eyes gaze upward towards our dear crucifix
I pray hard for salvation
I try harder to cast the devil aside
I listen with rapt attention when the priest begins to sermonize
During all this, I feel a tickle on my neck  
I feel as though I'm being checked
For whom I feel is watching sits about six pews back, and to the left    
I wonder, does he pray for penance too
Lord knows both him and I have given the devil his due
I try to brush it from my mind and listen like I should
But it's so hard when the one I want, though still far apart, feels like he sits next to you    
Time now for communion
I hope my vessel ready
I stride up to the communion minister
I'm starting to feel a little heady
As I walk back to my place
I take a chance and glance
He quickly looks to the ground
I know that he watched me
My cheeks grow redder as I remember last night's round
I kneel and pray, giving thanks to our God
And I say an extra special prayer
Thanking Him for letting him be there
Now that church is over
I breathe a sigh of relief
We didn't get struck by lightning
As been told in belief
Maybe my prayers or his and mine combined
Kept the devil at bay
Maybe God then was the one today
The one to show that it's ok, that this may actually be.
That him and I can quit punishing ourselves
That together we can be.

My bags are packed
I'm ready to go
Don't know where it's at
Just hope it feels like home

A brand new start
A fresh new place
I'll change my name
But I'll keep my face

I'm leaving here
No looking back
I have nothing more to say
We can't change the facts
You walked away and took my heart
I can't stay any longer
You left me to fall apart    

This isn't home
But it'll have to do
It's a different town
Nothing here to remind me of you

I'm leaving here
No looking back
I have nothing more to say
We can't change the facts
You walked away and took my heart
I can't stay any longer
You left me to fall apart    

I'm gonna start again
I have to face the day
In a different town now
Still no peace, but I think I'll stay

I'm leaving here
No looking back
I have nothing more to say
We can't change the facts
You walked away and took my heart
I can't stay any longer
You left me to fall apart
You left me
You left me to fall apart  

My bags are packed
I'm ready to go
Don't know where it's at
Just hope it feels like home

You left me to fall apart

One love letter never sent
Two love letters never read
Three love letters in the trash
Four love letters burning ash
The letters pile up inside my head
Love letters that will never be sent
All saying the same to him

*"I'm so sorry that I left you
That I went on and had a life without you
That I couldn't see the words you never said
That I believed words were all I needed
When I was wrong, your actions said it all"

It's as though I am on a carousel
Just going in circles unable to get off
Repeating my mistakes over and over
My demise is the fare, my cost

To get off this circling ride
I've yet to figure it out
Since all I want is to just hide

So I will pretend I am a princess
Sitting upon her steed
the lion and the elephant
Always there for me

Then I can be a lady of status
In her chariot so fair
Led by horses magnificant      
Their manes obsidian, like your eyes and hair

Well, there goes the daydream
You've snuck right back in  
I just need to forget you
Unfortunately,  you are my favorite sin

Feel!
don't touch

See!
close your eyes

Breathe!*
hold your breath

Talk!
don't speak

Hear!
close your ears

Love!*
Hate!
happy*
sad

Hold on!
let go

Fly!
yet fall

SCREAM!!
only on the inside, don't make a sound

cry
don't let the tears fall

Stop!
Go!
smell the roses
they are dying

STOP! YELL! SCREAM!

*shhh!

I fall upon my knees before my alter to pray to our Lord Jesus Christ
As I close my eyes, my mind goes blank
What do I pray for?
I know I must praise him and all his glories, his forgiving ways
I know I should pray to be more like him
But I cannot  
To pray to be more like Him, I have lost that want
What do I pray for?
I know that I am in need  
But will He even now hear since my belief wanes so?
Do I dare be selfish? Do I pray for me?
Do I pray for my own redemption?
Though people say my soul is pure
I know how my soul is tarnished, unclean
Especially since all I can think are selfish thoughts,  and prayers only for me
What do I pray for?    
Do I even dare?

How can I tell you that you have been my rock? My shoulder to lean upon though not physically here. How can I say that I value you more than I can ever express. That when I am down whether or not you know, you bring me cheer. That when I called to you and said please don't leave and you answered with I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. I knew then that I was in trouble, that I'd be hard pressed to not have you in my life again. I don't think I'll let you see this. I just don't think I can. I don't want to ruin what we have. I can't bear the thought of losing you my lover, my friend. You are my rock, my devil in disguise. My teacher and lover with obsidian eyes. You're better than you think. I just wish I could let you know. Again I'll never let you see this, I just can't let you go.

(Chorus)

Mamma can you hear me?
This is your daughter crying out
Oh holiest of mothers can't you hear?
My heart is weeping so loud  
Oh ****** mother dear
Your daughter's heart is ripping out  
Will you not save me momma?
Save me from all this pain and doubt?

(First verse)

He has left me
Abandoned me to the shore
Sailed on to new adventures
He seeks for me no more  

(Second verse )

The waves crash against me
Tearing away at my soul
He has left me hollow
I am broken now, not whole

(Third verse)*

The salt hurts my wounds
Bleeding them fresh with every kiss
How I long for his embrace
As I am made into the sea's mist

My legs are burning

        for they are not around you

My lips are dry

        for they are not against yours

My ******* are aching

       for they are not in your hands  

My ears are ringing

      for they are not hearing your voice

My eyes are closed

   for they know you are not in front of me

My hands they tingle

      for they are not touching you

My mind stays numb

      for it is not sparring with yours

My body trembles

      *as it waits in anticipation of us again

I want to go back to the begining
The begining of it all
I need to see when the stars were made
To see when it was that I did fall

I want to go back to that time
When all was right and well
I want to touch the moon, caress her face
She, in my ear, her secrets did tell

I want to go back to that time and day
When all love rang true
The day when the galaxies did collide
I want back the day I met you

Go away
Please go away
This anger, this hurt, this pain
I cannot take it
No! I cannot take it another day
Just go away!
Leave me be!
Let me see
True colors
Not black and grey
I want to shine
Be sweet like wine
I want to laugh
No more looking at my past
Go away! Just go away!
No more breakdowns
i cannot break
I am strong
A woman am I, never wronged
Why was I right?
Why must I have seen the vision placed before me?
Why dear God did you put that for me to see?
An urn, a prayer
The waft of her hair
Why dear God did you do that to me!?
Why?
A picture I did not want to see
Yet, you did, made me believe
i was right all along
I knew it was the reapers song
Tonight I drink
For her and him
For me and them
Tonight I drink
For it to go away  
*just....go....away........

Drove without seeing
Heard without listening
Touched without feeling
Crooned  without caring
Mourned without crying
Spoke without words
Ate without tasting

EYES
                                
W       I        D        E      

*shut

As I sit here on this cold winter's morn
I ponder my life and what is now in store
Here on the day of reckoning before
The sun has yet to crest over the eastern sky
The moon still clings fighting to give one last childlike lullaby
Am I like the moon, fighting to stay
Not yet wanting to be chased away by the brazened sun.
The moon soft, comforting, familiar, like my past
The sun, harsh, brazen, unknown, sharp, new as my future can be
Shall I stay with my moon and continue with my soft light
or shall I rise in the eastern sky like the sun and shine with a boldness of things to come.
A scary new adventure.
A choice I must make, for the sky is changing from grey to pink.
It is time, the past I cut my strings.
No longer a woman-child, matriarch let me be.
My past, I let it go to float upon this winter's breeze.
Come upon me now sun, it is you and I, a new life for us to write....