I hate my life
The lack of meaningful relationships
The lack of connection to people
The lack of fulfillment
I live in pretence
Only way to make it through
I live alone
I eat alone
I sleep alone
I wake alone
I walk alone
I worry alone
I am tired of this emptiness
I hate my life
Oh how i have tried and tested
Gambled and broke
Left misrable heartbroken
Why this winter rose lives
I can't fathom
I fear death
I fear suicide
I fear cutting
But need release
I hate my life

Cant sleep
You took my sanity
Crumpled it up
Satisfied with your work
You tossed it into the fire
Im heartbroken
Im confused

I fear death more than depression
Caught between my vices
Once beautiful chaos
Now it make no sense to me
No one notices behind the clown paint
Falling slipping falling
I reach for you
You reach for excuses
You promised to hold my hand
Im so tired of your lies
Lies, 3 square meals a day
Im over weight
Going on hunger strike

I need to purge
My body resist
Im drowning in my own body of lies
Why wont i release you
Faith died
Hope on her last leg
But holding on
Refusing to yield
I need to purge

An old soul
Lived free among chivelry and wonder
Reincarnated to this money driven world
Forced into monetary slavery
Day in day out
A rat race in a maze
Over saturated with fake images
They erode my confidence
**** beautifyl women
I could never be that.....
I long for freedom
No races
Quite living
Inlove and loving you
Trapped desperate help

If romance was old
How come men still buy women flowers
Write love poems and songs
Declare their love bold and true
Buy decorated chocolates
Buy fluffy teddies
Romance is the real commodity of love
Second by trust and passion
All reveal inner monologue
I care enough or not
I want this person or not

I wish you would write me
The words can swirl and swirl
Looking glass into hidden depths
I would melt into you
Become centered
Home eternal
You
Us

I wish you would write me
Passion revealed
Mixed in words spoken
Hidden looks
A quick twitch in eye
Mouth corner reveals

I wish you would write me
Pain deep
Demons gorging
I want to slay
Defend my home
You refuse
You not ready to let go
You love you

I wish you would write me.....

Why im cheaper then a working girl
Asking no reward for occupation and services rendered
At least they have standards
Having monetary value

I think about you obsessively
You even become part of my fairy dreams
An easy escape from my reality
An unhealthy attachment has grown
Canserous growth
Mutated from normal affection
My internal compass broke
Faulty parts
No one realised
Engin running on fumes
A complete emotional brake
You created sudden seperation
No warning
No preperations
No help
You caused my brake

Im so tired
Im exhausted
I want to crawl inside
Say my goodbyes
Say welcome to my new life inside me
This is all from being cheap and easy

I reward the ghost in my head
Fresh blood offerings
A daily schedule
Never realised
Found myself
Drained on the floor
Starring into nothing
Disbelieve visible
It was my own blood i gave
Self sacrifice
Doomed myself
Refused to believe my eyes
Real love knocked and entered
This web filled dusty house
He chose to call home