Forgive me if I neglect you.

I am trying to clear my head.

I don’t despise you.

My reason is I can’t continue suffering. They’ve moved on. Why can’t I?

It’s been over a year. Imprinted in time, your ashes kept alive.
Your body is placed to rest, your loved ones living a lie.
I kept busy, kept myself in denial
so that I could live in comfort and peace

Then reality struck me like a brick wall
and I fell down, weeping for my loss.

I replaced grieving with regret.
Committed acts I never imagined let set

Months progressed, I have repaired,
Repressed the memory to forget -
Only to have it come back around with a stronger hit.

I want you to know I have always cared about you.
I…I wish I could have been a better person,
but I pulled away, and you left the world without warning.

To this present day,
more than a year since I laid my eyes on
the body resting in calm repose,
my heart continues to ache immensely.

I assure myself I must go on. I need to let go.
Just promise me you’ll remember me.

Your passing has me living under a dark cloud;
please forgive me if I forget you right now.

Evening
Anticipating a storm
Gentle waves start to lick the shore
White fluffy sands gradually moisten
Harden from pressure
Of liquid and stored summer’s heat

Darker
Waves intensify
Ripping, tearing the shore
Moving sands with the flood
Flooding all
In liquid and violent summer’s heat

Rising
Lifted by waves
The shore is the sea is the shore
Water has taken control
Beaten the shore
With liquid, climactic heat

I'm ready for the sea
I will dissolve in the blue
Waves tumble me apart
I laugh at the pain I
Once felt and the
Way I once tried to
Put everything I am on the head of a needle
They gawk at me and laugh
Scientist poke me with their
Sterile stainless steel Instruments asking
Each other "what's an existence?"
I try to explain with words but
A blue bird is caught in my throat
Its beak poking the roof of my mouth
It climbs out past my teeth
It jumps and ***** around the white room
Whistling out an ancient tune
Circling once above our heads
Then out the open window

nostalgia
generally seen as a good thing
reminiscing about better, simpler times
your heart trembles just thinking about them
while you stare off into space
unaware of the present
you think back
of all the things you did wrong
everything you should have done
it comes back to haunt you
how you could have reacted correctly
how one moment changed your life now
like retracing your steps
all the way back
but there are no footprints to go off of
just memories
and the bitter feeling that accompanies them
in the deepest darkest confines of your mind
and the sensation of all that disappointment from back then
you can feel it
physically
taking hold of you
your stomach twists
your appetite is no more
paralyzed
in a place long gone
by events that have never happened
in a vicegrip
it's like the butterfly effect in reverse
a perpetual "what if..."
nostalgia
not so beautiful
anymore

Forget who you were
Who you thought you might be.
Today is out there
Go out and see.

There is a magic
A different taste to the air.
Beginning to feel that today I can deal
With whatever life can throw.
Which goes to show
We are stronger than we think.

Get outside and drink it in
Start to think
It's all alright
We got through the night
When we thought that we might not.

Today..............feels like
If I put a penny in the slot
The one armed bandit will give me the ***
Of gold.
Anticipation
The realisation that 'yes I can'
'I am the man'
The best at what I do and getting better at that too.

Today
I'm going to pay attention to detail
I'm not going to fail again
Go off the rails again
Sail off again
Go wandering in pain again.

I've forgotten who I was, it's the only way
Because
I want to move on
Get along
Make a song and dance
A little romance
My life was a game of chance or no chance
And the balance was wrong.

Getting along
Guess that is the way
To make it.
Today.