when is it my moment
I won't be warned
I won't be dressed in my best
and that's what he'll like

I can picture him behind the lens, noticing the small specks of dirt on the glass and rubbing it in, slowly making it worse with his thumb. Trying to help but making it worse. But that's all he knows.

We need to remember we don't know everything, and as the sun dries up our spirits, drink a glass of water. Feel it enter your throat and dance through your body.

I can picture him taking the photograph anyway. He may have seen it differently, but the picture came out spotless. Eyes that have been nestled in the belief that a smudge is a stain. A stain is something bad, you must immediately get rid of it. But I think you should just go with it.

It's not all that it's cracked up to be

Sometimes I really do want you to change my mind, my way of thinking

Don’t assume today will be tomorrow
That the present is the past
Or that people can’t see you when you’re hiding

They see you when you’re hiding
Like the nails pierced so far through your wall,
They are hard to let go of and so hard to get back
Impossible creates a body and hovers over your every move

Acts like it can comfort you
Acts like it knows you

When in reality it doesn’t know you like comfort
Doesn’t know you stay between the walls of familiarity
And only talk to similarity

When you find escape
of stretched out fields
And rows of corn, long and reminiscent

Relaxation strikes and you feel good
It’s when the eyes are burning through your back
That you don’t like
It’s the wind’s harsh voice, when it nests in your stomach that you
Can’t take
The vibration of screaming and wrongdoing that keeps you up
The reason you move is the cloud of hope,
The bubble of hope that grows bigger and takes so little to burst

That only some still enjoy today
Blowing bubbles

she breathed when the night rolled in, tried to capture the light one last time. held her breath till the morning when reality set in, extinguished her fear with the rising sun.

But I still worry. Is the worse yet to come?

is my life a curtain an inch open, I can't see what's coming but I see something.

Wait till your eyes dry to do this next step. Stand in the middle of nowhere it's the greatest feeling yet.

be so thrilled you don't know what you're doing,
it works,
I've tried

you can make a knife out of anything
a heart

you can intoxicate yourself
you know too much
your own intentions,
worries,
mirror from within

Sometimes losing control is the most beautiful thing

And when the lights lose their shine and the moon doesn't act like itself

We are inclined to believe
That a whirlpool of emotion
Is just steam
Just bubbles rising and popping

eyes soaked in day-old makeup,
hands numb from sleeping on them too long,
hair with enough grease to shine a car,
picking at my head, just to see it snow
in the fall when everyone goes back to school
in the autumn where children learn apostrophes
and commas and semi colons
when they learn being creative is breaking the rules
and rule breakers often go to jail, or even prison
I remember hearing the sound of crackers clanking
and smashing around in my mouth when I was
around 4 years old
I couldn't understand why I heard such loud sounds
and wondered if anyone else heard me?
I still wonder if anyone hears me
that the words don't just go through the optic nerve,
but they travel to the heart sooner

Until you've been through thick and thin with someone-
Experienced storm after storm
But was there for the sunny days
Has never fully given up, has loved without looking back
I love you

I do

Because I wouldn't be so worried to lose you

when a heart breaks,


recalling a moment you don't remember
subduing myself from conversation
thoughts connecting dots while laughing
with the person right in front of me

this is how it happened to me;
body literally shaking from concern
eyes taped with tears
nose glued shut

what am I gonna do
when I liked you so much
and now the sky has you
it now needs you
has met you by now,
and wont ever give you back

I swear I'll met into a puddle when I see you again <3

And in the end,
You still blame me.

I've never been to heights like this,
But I've brought a parachute and I've reached the ground

The stars don't allign like they used to.
But neither does my smile

Daylight rocks me back into reality,
And the night lulls me into a dream I have not yet explored

defeat the purpose
put it in a bottle and throw it in the sea,
and sometimes it's not a good idea to be too curious, after all,
you might find something out

It's not improper or a waste of time
not knowing where to move
four walls and you
listening to the sensation of music,
vibrate in your lungs and allow you to exhale
a breath of freedom and peace for the moment
people tend to forget about now and don't wanna try

for once I can write while listening to music,
I think it's because I'm finally letting people in

this isn't really an interesting poem

not as harmful as the smoke entering an old lady’s lungs

Not as abrupt as a camflauge stop sign

Not as time consuming as old, rerun game Shows playing on loop while you sit and enjoy the company of your slowly dying grandma as she says goodbye. Slowly saying goodbye is much better than saying slowing dying

I will not try to hurt you, he said
I will just hurt you and leave you to the sea

Your confidence is
Like the waves forgetting how to dance

I know I can worry about EVERYTHING
so why worry?

why give fuel to the blinded fear that strangles every last thought, vanquishes any positive energy

human energy is a form of electricity
translates everyday happenings into something digestible

once the power goes out, replace it with a better version. It may take time, but everyone procrastinates as much as they lie

conserve energy by knowing when to stand still
when to fight would only enrage the hurting

say your piece, and let them say their's

we can all go home tonight

do you ever feel like a bad person
not by the word of someone else
but an inner disgust;
a creeping crawling entity that takes you down a path

no control but all the control in the world
crows one by one picking apart your thoughts

scavenging
eating away at any sense of belief you had in yourself

washed away like a sink once full of ***** dishes

I breathe but feel that's a privilege,
many before with purer hearts have gone

but me
I'm still here

I see perfection covered in dust and as I wipe away yesterday I see you

You as in faded laughs and haunted doorways which remain locked till this day

You don't want me
Not even in the slightest

A fleeting moment
A nothing

no, I'm not looking for recognition on this road without an end. Lights flash behind my rear view sight, my stomach drops into my gut and I'm afraid. It slowly passes by and the relief drops me into an ocean 3,000 miles deep,

I have these dreams of different memories
sidewalks without ends and a
cranberry taste lingering within
reality doesn't exist because this
isn't real to me
-

justice isn't a word- a fragment broken off our people, the ones we are supposed to trust like storybooks read as we daze off
freedom isn't a word- it's a memory of something that didn't happen
a cold honest truth
of a wish no genie has found the power to grant

if there is such things tell me; where do I find waterparks of pride, or a place called freedom other than that gas station on left maple drive

is this not what we all want?
being mixed in this cycle, having our parents not sign that permission slip;
not have the knowledge of the feigned confidence they led would someday catch them

you're shocking
unreal for this reality I'm living
but you're taking your time
and I'm taking mine;

we are clockwork ticking away together, in the company of sour patch kids and m&m's fallen through the crevices of the couch

as you progress through my bones I become stronger
as you progress through my lungs I breathe harder
as you progress through my skin I become softer

nobody is disabled
or perfectly able

sickened talk of lowering someone's worth due to the undying fact that you want to feel like the lucky one
Maybe it's not luck, maybe we are plagued with layers of dealing with hurt and our mind makes up different images. makes them look like a doe, that in a slim chance you can rise above and beyond

If you ask someone with a "so-called disability"
they say they wouldn't change a thing
they love who they are and who they are would never look like anyone else

they smile and have learned to appreciate every fine detail of the life they live

there is one person you can trust.

it's you,

that you'll stick by your side

no promises to break

no

i survived this Valentine's day alone

As much as I can hope you will want me as much as I want you
I'm slowly learning to un-like you




unlike you...

we aren't together but we're not separated

You're still hanging on in the binding of my story

The spirit I seek
Is the only thing that can make me this whole

And I love it

how it feels to be newly 24
it feels short termed
like a fresh turned leaf
the beauty is unimaginable but in the back of your mind the unrelenting doom that it will be gone so soon
and as the wrinkles of time sway you, it only makes sense to wonder about how many lines have formed due to worry
I've worried my whole life it seems
for external matters, internally, and things unseen
when will I get married
when will I have a baby
when will I become an adult
when will I feel ready?

Unanswered questions leave holes in my life, open ended questions are always the toughest, though seen easiest because you can elaborate

But what can I say

it's a stretch of imagination
to believe anyone,
in their right mind,
could want to unlock the doors
take off the sheets underneath
slip in through the back door
surprise you in your sleep
make up excuses
tell you the truth
mean what they say

I don't want to wait
I'm not patient enough for this

If is such an iffy word
If you can stand alone
Stand with arms wide open
Don't tell me you're alone
Ever

Where's my wiggle room?
the space in between my heart and yours

no place to escape
the tea kettle hisses and finds an exit path

the dominoes find their way with a little push of a hand ..

And with both hands clasped,
I can cut the ties too

what to expect
you walk in the same and I think it'll be different
my heart knows
it always knows
-

Why is it I’d sacrifice my life for you but the moment you’re gone and your lies have swallowed any love in your heart

I start writing again

I start loving myself again.

writing  and   it    feels     like      we're       spacing        apart

you stole a moment from me. Do you take good care of it? The seconds you wanted to be with me, what do you do with those memories?

It will take time for my mind and heart to heal~ in a month I've fallen off the pedestal. I miss you. I miss us.

You said you love me
what does loving me mean?
walking away
not staying
turning your back
fraying

I shiver
I freeze to the bone
the.warmth of his love has experienced it's first frost

But you never realize how much you want a minor inconvenience when your mind feels numb

how much you want to be embarrassed,
have sweat rolling down your chin
to get stung by a hornet and walk in the path of the storm

I want to be late for work,
stuck in traffic,
lost in space and time itself--
feel the heat and pressure of life digging it's expectations and riddles in your back

I want to lose my keys for the rest of eternity,
break down on the highway because maybe then my silently breaking heart won't feel so left out

This silence is dangerous

how much you want to feel both the intensity and dullness of emotion
-kaitlynmarieadiary

he's taking it slow because he knows good things take time

I'll keep my sadness at bay
where it won't spread into the depths of the unknown

maybe this way I can swim to safety
maybe I can catch a ride by a passerby

I will take a warm hand anyway
the upward curve of a smile
a glimpse of human
that's all I need

night darkened his eyes, heightened the heights of one step down
lengthened the time of a second into decades
worried him to death

is he who you really want?

is it his eyes, sharp shooters that have seen the world that I love

is it his mouth
that says the words that fill the void at the moment, but could never stand alone

or perhaps his hands
that hold me and comfort me
that allow me a sense of home within cracking walls and leaking faucets

how far can u run until u r safe

I used to believe my poems needed an ending
But in life, things rarely end like a storybook

In Mid conversation or
They leave early
Another breath
And another laugh
The normal things

The eyes of a woman hang low in the night and glance at no one but themselves, for some, relaxation doesn't exist and intensity persists. You can live tense but there wouldn't be much room left for you.
-

don't expect anything

but...
be pleasantly surprised




I knew something was wrong when I forgot to notice the sunrise
it did not make my heart chirp are my body tingle

it was another day
I am afraid

what is it in you,

that brings forth the belief
that the sunlight just isn't for you
it's a waste to send light through her veins
when it could be used for the glint in a lovers eye
the pathway to those who die, but then find their guide

not to somebody like me
I wouldn't want to use energy with no purpose

have you ever felt jealous of a connection,
not a person?

..

a melody that wasn't meant for your ears

Incapable of controlling my tongue
she escorts me like my brain to my feet
a headache of me, one massive ache
uprooting my feet and making me wonder
what have I done

what do these walls know,
what do I own but the brain that explodes at the slightest *****
I'm sensitive
my feelings write my story on my face
and no one stays at the sight

A whisper
An echoe
A hummingbirds hymn
All sound the same
When you're waiting for the answer