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Kaitlin Frost Dec 2013
I have more walls up than I ever had,
I think that's a good thing.
I needed a slap on the wrist,
a fresh perspective on reality.
There are worse tragedies in the world.
You have to pick yourself up,
and you got to keep going.
You have to find your place in the world,
and find your purpose.
You are so small,
so very small compared to the world.
Think of bigger things around you.
You are minuscule compared to the universe.
Suddenly you don't feel so big anymore,
you are small,
so very small.
The weight of the world
and your problems don't matter.  
There isn't anyone crying for you
and no one cares.
It's not a perfect world
or a caring one.
It's every man for himself.
So go and cry,
go right ahead.
Because there won't be anyone
waiting for you to call them and
vent, and they won't be waiting
for you to come home to them.
You are alone.
It's not a ***** word,
or a sad one.
Depends on who you are
and how you interpret it.
Get up.
Go and do what you were meant to.
Life is too short to regret.
You're seriously going to let
one little thing stop you?
If that's true then you are
worth as much as you always
thought you were.
Nothing.
You are not nothing.
You are something.
Something good and gracious.
Something worth living for.
Something worth having.
Kaitlin Frost Nov 2013
I am a tumbleweed in the wind.
Blown from place to place.
I know I'm supposed to go somewhere,
but for now I'm lost.
I'm pushed into desolate places,
with almost no light.
I'll end up someplace eventually,
but I'm here.
And there.
I have a purpose.
I have a meaning.
I've been lost more times
than found.
I'm on a broken road,
trying to find my way to you.
Kaitlin Frost Nov 2013
I often lie awake with my thoughts playing on a loop inside my head.
Mostly consisting of past memories, good or bad, and things yet to come.
I often lie awake and think about what my wedding will be like.
Not in a typical way, but in a different way.

I think about how amazing that feeling will be,
when the man I love gets down on one knee,
and he'll ask me to be his soul mate,
his best friend,
and partner forever.
Out of the billions of other people on this planet he met you.
And out of the many relationships he had he fell in love with you.
He is committing his one and only life to you.

Everyone will be around you with that same feeling you have, pure bliss.
It's a magical moment forever embedded within.

I hope he's prepared to handle a girl like me.
Broken but functioning.

But for the first time in your life you won't feel worthless,
you won't feel like he could do better.
Your whole life has led up to this point,
and will continue with him by your side.
You won't be alone.

You will be his world.
Nothing else will matter,
and life will finally begin.
Kaitlin Frost Nov 2013
I am lost and wandering,
scared and alone in the world.
There's no safe place anymore.
No haven for me.

There's no warm embrace greeting me everyday.
No groggy smiles in the morning.
No late car drives around the city.
No comforting calls or messages.

The only things that remain are memories.
Some more faded than others.
Most are so etched into my mind,
they've become permanent.
I can't let them go.

I have no safe haven.
Nothing there keeping me from going over the edge,
again.
I'm not safe from anyone anymore,
not even myself.
They'll find me again,
they always do.
And when they do you won't be there to protect me,
or to hear my muffled cries.
I'll cry out for you to help me,
save me.

*Nothing
Kaitlin Frost Nov 2013
Zero.
Zero.
Zero.

Nobody there.

But that's probably a good thing.
I can't really tell yet.
But then again I can't really talk to you about it anymore.
I can't talk to anyone anymore I guess.

When it gets to the point where I have to ask someone,
Am I worth it anymore?
It's not the breaking point.
But it is rock bottom.
Rejected by the lowest of the low.
Ouch.

I run through the crowds of people,
trying to gasp for some air.
It's like nobody even sees me anymore.
I'm just another pretty face lost in a sea of people now.
I'm just like everybody else.

I need that spark again.
Just that smudge of light lost in the darkness of the world.
I found it once,
but it's lost now.
I want that spark that makes me feel human again.
Lets me know that I mean more than this.
Makes me happy to be alive and breathing everyday.
Makes me want to get out and live my life.
Something to live for.

I can't let rejection get to me anymore.
Because all I see is nothing.
*Zero
Kaitlin Frost Nov 2013
I won't lie and say it's easy right now,
because it's not.
It's hard to watch the world continue on,
and everyone is as happy as can be.

I have tried so hard to get a grip,
but I can't.
It's really hard.
I wake up every morning,
and I wake up hoping it'll be okay.
But I am still alone.

There's no one here.

Rejection after rejection.
There's just no point anymore.
But I wake up every time,
just a little bit stronger.

It'll get better.
Kaitlin Frost Nov 2013
I hate when people say things to try to make me feel better.
Why can't you be honest and say what's on your mind.
So what if I'm hurting,
I just want to know the truth about everything.

Good things come to those who wait.
I am so sick of hearing it.
I've be waiting for so long,
it feels like hundreds of years.

Maybe I was reincarnated from the past.
Maybe I found the one already,
but it was in a different time.
And maybe now in this decade I need to find him.

I wish that was true.
But I'd have no idea what he'd be like.
Yet I know when I see him,
it'll feel like a real kind of love.
One that's been around for years.
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