I won't be beautiful like the sun
as it goes down,
with colors that could hypnotize
and no one could forget.

It will be beautiful,
until the moon goes up
and replaces orange and red
with dark, dusty gray.

Sunshines does not last forever,
it gets replaced,
and this time, I won't be around
when the moon shows up.

and I'm too young to mourn in this kind of hour.

Sleepless nights,
I keep your secrets
and you keep mine.
We promised we will get through this.

But you didn't.

I just wish I was there,
not just to loosen the noose,
but to ease the pain.

Instead of waiting for your chat,
I should've messaged you first.

Regret is stronger than gratitude,
and I inked one of your artworks
to pay,
it didn't work.

It will never be,
we're talking about breath
and a heartbeat.
I just wish you're here.

and the first night I saw you inside the casket,

I was waiting for your eyes to open,
for your chest to rise,
for your lips to curve into a smile
and say, "I'm here."

We were scarred but yours is a fresh wound
& we left you bleeding,
—all by yourself.

Sa huling pagtatasa,
para kanino ba ang tula?

It wasn't a slit through my wrist,
not a gunshot on my mouth,
not a rope wrapped around my neck,
it was not an overdose.

It was the thoughts running through my head,
the words that cannot escape,
the anxiety, the pain, the hatred
it was over.

New year, yet same old color.
I was like a firework display,
But this time, only the blue ones.

It was blue but still beautiful.
Pretty to look at but it would hurt
when you stay close enough.

It will hurt so much that it will burn
your skin. Was it hot?
Or was it too cold that it stings?

Maybe I liked it that way,
distancing myself from the people
I love, afraid I might hurt them.

I was like a firework display,
it was bright
But made to fade into the night.