K - Hello Poetry

K Dec 2017

MMXVII

2017 was an alcohol,
that cuts through your throat,
alone or with friends.
But you still drink it, anyway.

2017 was writing my first poem
published for the world
when I thought I’ll stay silent,
words were there. Still.

2017 was the first tattoo
on my body. I loved my skin enough
that I inked & hurt it.
The irony.

2017 was ocean, sandy toes,
and tan lines.
It was the strong waves
and also the calm.

2017 was loving everyone
I love, unconditionally.
Even if I was hurt.
Even without replies.

2017 was going to the gym,
with the mindset of vanity.
Of looking good,
but not feeling good.

2017 was body image issues,
from skinny to thicc thighs,
starvation and stress eat.
It was never contentment.

2017 was cutting my hair short
when I wanted it to be long.
And I regretted it
right after.

2017 was everything except self love.
It was pain, hatred, pride & anxiety
waking me up in the middle of the night
and keeps me up all night.

I wanted to write something
without biterness & hate
but I’m sorry it turned out like this.
2017 was being sorry most of the time.

Sorry for being this way,
and being alive but ungrateful.
Sorry for sticking to my last hope,
that’s all I’ve got.

and I’m sorry, but I’m still fighting.

K Dec 2017

Untitled

hey, I'm not gonna write about you
this 2018. that's what I told my self.
but, i'm ending this
without bitterness.

and i know you're done with me
months ago.
and that i'm the only one
who's having a hard time.

hell, i was the only one who
thought we were real.
i want to believe that
at some point there's something special.

that you felt it.
that i wasn't the only one.
and that you were warmed.

all i wished was to heal you,
but i can't if you don't
want to be saved by me.
she can, of course.

but, thank you.
for cheap beers, and ugly *** playlist,
fast food deliveries at midnight,
and warm hugs.

and, sorry.
for drunk nights, and poetry,
subway sandwich at lunch,
and cold hugs.

no regrets, dear.
you were a lesson to me
and in knowing you,
i lost myself.

and this 2018, i'm finding myself. so thank you.

K Dec 2017

i am the opposite of peace

No, honey I'm not the paradise,
I'm on the other side of the wall.
I am the war,
the planted bombs,
the gunshots you hear at night.

Your heart skips a beat,
and you thought it was love,
but honey, I'm not the paradise,
I'm the reason you hide under your bed
because of load roar of tanks.

Honey, you thought I was a garden.
But no, I'm on the other side.
I'm not the daisy you water,
I'm not the beautiful scent
outside your backyard,
because I'm the ashes.

I'm the war,
and you know **** well
that the aftermath was a mess.

K Dec 2017

Untitled

You had never been mine to begin with
So I'll start off by saying, good bye.
We know **** well that were a mistake
right from the start.

We made fire, but both of us
didn't know how to extinguish.
It was destructive,
we were blinded by the light.

It just so happens that,
we were in the same place,
and at the right time.
But it still is, a bad idea.

And even in your presence,
I gripped. Thinking any warmth you gave
me was better than nothing.
But honey, let's end this.

I was too in loved with the idea of you to comprehend that love wasn’t supposed to be this way

K Nov 2017

JAN00' - NOV15'

Remember back in 5th grade?
When the name of the sim
were playing is our only problem?
How about the year after?
When our struggle every month is
which color of rubber to choose for our braces?
And the year after that?
The dentist finally took off my braces
and *******, retainers were next.

Remember back in 8th grade?
Your phone got confiscated for we were
taking pictures during class hours.
How about the year after?
Your fourteenth birthday,
and everyone invited played Just Dance.

And the year after that, your eyes got blurry.
You wore glasses,
then you had a hard time moving
half of your body.
I visit you after class, and I always leave
with a tear in my eye.
The same year, you dropped out of school,
because you can't leave without a wheel chair,
while everyone is marching
and ready to leave our school.

And the year after that?
You stopped fighting.

Remember the days when we just
wanted to shut down?
We destroy ourselves by smoking
cigarettes and drinking every night.
Forgetting that a friend of ours
died because she had to.

We have a choice,
we always have a choice,
she didn't.
But what were we thinking?

A poem for a friend, our Jasmine

K Nov 2017

Let me tell you the other things they never talk about

There are people that come and go.
That's it.
And, I know you're breaking,
baby, it's not your fault.
You do not lack.

You might intersect,
or rest at a bus stop,
or they may be
along the way.
A part of your journey,
but not a destination.

It just so happens that
there are better paths to walk,
ocean to cross,
mountains to conquer.

And if you happen to see him again, I hope it's you who leave.

K Nov 2017

No, I'm not alcoholic

it's just that I can't write without wine,
or I can't sleep without wine,
doesn't have the courage to go out
without wine.

You won't like me when I'm sober.