K - Hello Poetry

K Feb 2018

Untitled

I wasn't made like roses,
that you give every 14th of February,
and tucked in between pages of notebook,
leaving scent that stuck even if it dies.

I wasn't made like sunflowers,
hard to take care of
but is beautiful when it grows & glows,
a reason why it's named after sun.

I wasn't made like daisies,
or lilies or tulips,
or little colorful flowers you can think of
with fresh scents.

No, honey, I wasn't made like that,
because I'm the sun they need,
or the water they want from time to time.
I'm much more than that.

I'm the one that's keeping them alive.

K Jan 2018

It's 11:33 pm

and I'm too young to mourn in this kind of hour.

I was supposed to write a birthday message for my friend, I wrote a eulogy instead.

K Jan 2018

;

Sleepless nights,
I keep your secrets
and you keep mine.
We promised we will get through this.

But you didn't.

I just wish I was there,
not just to loosen the noose,
but to ease the pain.

Instead of waiting for your chat,
I should've messaged you first.

Regret is stronger than gratitude,
and I inked one of your artworks
to pay,
it didn't work.

It will never be,
we're talking about breath
and a heartbeat.
I just wish you're here.

and the first night I saw you inside the casket,

I was waiting for your eyes to open,
for your chest to rise,
for your lips to curve into a smile
and say, "I'm here."

We were scarred but yours is a fresh wound
& we left you bleeding,
—all by yourself.

and we're sorry, Julius, our friend

K Jan 2018

Untitled

Sa huling pagtatasa,
para kanino ba ang tula?

K Jan 2018

hara-kiri

It wasn't a slit through my wrist,
not a gunshot on my mouth,
not a rope wrapped around my neck,
it was not an overdose.

It was the thoughts running through my head,
the words that cannot escape,
the anxiety, the pain, the hatred
it was over.

I'm sorry.

K Dec 2017

MMXVIII

New year, yet same old color.
I was like a firework display,
But this time, only the blue ones.

It was blue but still beautiful.
Pretty to look at but it would hurt
when you stay close enough.

It will hurt so much that it will burn
your skin. Was it hot?
Or was it too cold that it stings?

Maybe I liked it that way,
distancing myself from the people
I love, afraid I might hurt them.

I was like a firework display,
it was bright
But made to fade into the night.

K Dec 2017

MMXVII

2017 was an alcohol,
that cuts through your throat,
alone or with friends.
But you still drink it, anyway.

2017 was writing my first poem
published for the world
when I thought I’ll stay silent,
words were there. Still.

2017 was the first tattoo
on my body. I loved my skin enough
that I inked & hurt it.
The irony.

2017 was ocean, sandy toes,
and tan lines.
It was the strong waves
and also the calm.

2017 was loving everyone
I love, unconditionally.
Even if I was hurt.
Even without replies.

2017 was going to the gym,
with the mindset of vanity.
Of looking good,
but not feeling good.

2017 was body image issues,
from skinny to thicc thighs,
starvation and stress eat.
It was never contentment.

2017 was cutting my hair short
when I wanted it to be long.
And I regretted it
right after.

2017 was everything except self love.
It was pain, hatred, pride & anxiety
waking me up in the middle of the night
and keeps me up all night.

I wanted to write something
without biterness & hate
but I’m sorry it turned out like this.
2017 was being sorry most of the time.

Sorry for being this way,
and being alive but ungrateful.
Sorry for sticking to my last hope,
that’s all I’ve got.

and I’m sorry, but I’m still fighting.