I have twenty one years made and done
‘til now, and maybe a few more,
then I can shed and stop.

The day when I need not feel
clumsy on a good lecture.
I need not get stumped on other’s pranks.
I need not be glad on silly compliments.
I need not sigh on departures after
a daylong fretting.
I need not cry on random sympathy notes.
I need not crave on any satin sandals.
I need not try on impressing fellow earthlings.
I need not fall on my knees for prayers.
I need not smile on dainty mute creatures.
I need not feel shattered on my love being ridiculed.
I need not hide on some pretence of modesty.
I need not rage on abuses, for hell’s sake.
I need not share on the hope of gratitudes.
I need not stay on alive for
I’ll be dead for dreams, by then.

You became the joy
the joy I wont miss away
even when I am so down or
in the highest swing
when in the insanity of laughter;
when I am rushing thru' all the doors,
to share your side and
to talk you into your beautiful smiles.

Chartered this life from demise
I grew to prefer schedules
open for celebrations,
as well, for funerals
in pouring rains
or in breezy plains.
And I rose occasions to escape
oblivion outta daily delights
and saved my nerves
for coffin wood fragrance
and feiry dark grey shades
and hid myself in timid
strange bubble world.
Then I would blare to stay aside
by missing to pull together,
but to fall apart dodging
any greetings, yet fearing
goodbyes, like fire-darts,
'coz for everytime a beloved
hits the ground, dead cold,
it burns a part in me
smoking away the reasons
we make to live, before we hit!

She and he.
Joy and Pride,
loved and married.

Jewels and money
songs and wine
merry and nights.

Greed and Pride,
Joy and Pressure.
Greed and Pressure.

Vain and brawls,
corrupt and scandals,
charges and spared.

Temper and fist,
temper and crash.
Complaints and divorce.

Thoughts and lost,
reflects and tears,
Days and nights.

Broke and desolate,
cut and bled,
Dare and Dead.

You became my convict,
a murderer of my happy days,
a cigar that I puffed the wrong way,
an terminal illness
that I would take no pill for,
my best deal to die
o'er a brokenheart,
my final destination
when I am lost and broke,
the reason to meet a tailor
for my suit,
to go into a coffin;
when you could have been
by my side
and into all that I ever dreamt about
as I planned rest of my life with you.
You could have been my Snoopy,
for I could have been your only
CharlieBrown.
You could have been my lover, my escort,
my bride hanging onto the other side of my lips.
Goodnight now, Mrs. Sanders!
Goodnight so long, so far!

I REMEMBER.
It was not like any other moment.
I was standing in my ward.
The ever dark and cold closure.
My dampened single-bed room.
My four-walled medium.
While, it was outside, so calm and still
Must be hibernating.
But poor creature, it waited
Waited, just a handspan
away from my window pane.
And my bolted glass window
did not welcome it.
And so it waited, settled
Closely watching another soul like itself.

I stood more like a rock
Staring at that pallid one.
Communicating in dead-muteness.
A despirited eye-contact.
In a moment or so, I slash
Slash my burdened eyebrows
O'er my wet eyeballs.
Apologizing for my plight
Of unexplainable helplessness.
And it waited there, calm and still,
Hearing my unspoken Testimony.

Thus we waited staring at each other
And between us was the adamant
Glass Window - slumbering soullessly!

It was darker than me.
But was getting paler and paler.
And I stood at the same spot
Staring and blinking
Waiting for it to flutter away.
Afterall, unlike me,
It had a huge space to fly.
And I know that, for I've stared,
Out of the window before,
The whole world.
But it stayed there
As if, afraid of flying, like me.

Hands swept across the clocks
And It turned paler to a fairer one
Stained with frozen crimson red veins.
And by twilight
the fair creature broke its penance.
Got blown by the breeze
And laid on the soft snow
On the concrete floor.
Then there was voidness.
Nothing to stare at.
No more soul to share my story.

I stood there, calm and still
But this time a tear rolled down
From my sunken eyes.
And then I closed my eyes
in prayer and wished
for the courage to
Shatter the glass window
And jump out
To become a gravestone
For my li'l pal's corpse.

At the doorstep of Insanity
I miss myself as I dont let go
Then I took an arrow in my knee
So I say you could be my hero
And, for sure,
I told what you meant to me.
While you fell apart in silence
I saw many a cherry blossom skies
as I waited over the ruins
with tears brimming my eyes
Yet I wonder for
I might be addicted to your glance.
Then I chose rage and gone high
and maybe you just didn't get enough
of those three words, to avoid
losin' me, too busy livin' your life
But, I'm sorry  
I am already at the backroom, boy!

Never detained Sylvia's thoughts,
Neither agreed any of her acts;
maybe that is why I peep
here and there onto a mirror piece;
to find a rousing lady in me
and noting something is true
and finer with some specks of time;
but cared to find more thru eyes,
the eyes of my little god,
lying on the cradle with humbleness.
Can never feel the charming self
than from that glance I desired;
let me not count on destines,
that'ld drag my life to despairs;
and nor feel the way out so,
for now, I know, there is a soul;
which awaits for the touch of my lips
and the tenderness of it to return.
Truly, I do learn now, for rest of my life
will be of making a paradise,
for my little god!