if only i was dead in some other place,
not here, not now, not stuck in this space.
somewhere my name never meant a thing,
where no one asks what i'm feeling within.
if only i stopped bending backwards,
tied my worth to something that mattered.
but i bled for hands that let me fall,
i screamed in rooms with no one at all.
i love too hard, it's always a crime,
give them forever, they give me time.
i carve myself into pieces so small,
hoping someone might want them all.
why can't i be good at anything real?
i fake a smile, i fake how i feel.
i try and i try till i tear apart,
still no one sees the bones of my heart.
maybe out there, i’m a real boy
not this hollowed-out, disposable toy.
maybe i laugh, maybe i breathe,
maybe i don’t want to ******* leave.
but here i rot in plain sight,
the sun don’t warm, the stars ain't right.
i hate people, hate their lies,
the way they look with empty eyes.
i want to perish, just dissolve,
no mysteries left to solve.
no more trying, no more "fine,"
no more pretending this hurt ain’t mine.
i don’t feel joy, don’t feel the pain,
just static thoughts inside my brain.
why am i always the one who tries?
why do i fall for every disguise?
why do i chase what runs away?
why do i beg for them to stay?
why do i whisper in rooms gone cold,
hoping love will take hold?
no one ever stays.
no one ever sees.
i give until there's nothing left of me.
maybe in another universe, we'll be together.