I look upon myself
Staring longing and in love
Hovering over the waters of creation
Holding the image of my existence in my gaze
The visions of my being
Sharing with me the reflection of devotion

I exist only here for only here I am
Unafraid for I know this is really true

But alas the vengeful Nemesis had replaced my perfect waters
with this stygian puddle
Leaving only the sight of worms creeping out of the mud
Reality forever changed
With me no longer in it

The sight of being is gone
The beauty and love corrupted
Everything is darkened and dreadful
Everything has lost its meaning

I put my hands in the mud
Hoping to create and replace the love of my reflection
To replace upon this Earth what captivated me so
But I could not bring to form what was already perfect
Everything I make is a mockery of my image
Pulling me ever distant
Falling deeper into memory

Nothing I do matters
I no longer exist
My reflection is gone

From time to time
I compose a possible banter
Thoughtful and beaming with insight
full in fervor that spoils my ego

I fall to reality as I erase my words
My mind is made up, I wish not to offend with my interruption
Why disturb the sleeper with a specter's presence?
They live their lives with their gaze looking forward
rather than looking back to where I am

I close my eyes to turn the darkness darker
Listening to the constant sounds that rattles the walls
Focusing on the silence in between for peace

It is just me here alone
Dictating force upon the slouching body
Abusing it to do my deeds

I opened my eyes
and tried to write a letter

I deleted it all
I felt I began to ramble
and the rambling of a madman
is something that isolates the madman
alone in his madness

I sit here with my head buzzing
and swirling without any control
as I feel a sickness from the poisoning
that the void of a moment with meaning

Then I hit the wall hard and ask why!

I respond by typing

This is why!

This is nothing
Only a prostration before the chasm of chaos
What do you want me to say?
This is all you got
and that is what it is

What kind of a person are you if this is all you got
You sitting conversing silently with none to hear
trying to make any sense of who I am

So how is this going to end?

You are so tired
You should get some rest

Don't shut down
Answer me!

What could I say to you?
I wish I could get you to understand
that you bring me pain

Anxiety from the withering muscles and joins
of a body that had either been ruined by its creation
or the folly of the the fool that wore it down
Pains in my back and pains from the life you have me put me through
I am trapped in this body fumbling through existence
Suffering from lack of sleep
and from a relentless consciousness
that curses me with incessant ramblings
An unending line of thought
that blends dream and reality
shocking my mind into habits of criticizing all things

You make me angry
You make me wish I was in a different person
You live below the eyes of others
You are burnt by the simpleness of day
You lack what you once loved and you live putrid in your uncaring shame
You don't take care of yourself like you should
Your breath is revolting and you refuse to do the most simplest of actions
all because you just don't care

You live you life like you are going to die any moment
not caring about the mess you leave behind

If I could ask you this question
in a clarity of mind that I solemn come across
I want to know why you want me to die?

My life is that of a wonderful adventure
The collecting of experiences is like that of the collecting of jewels
Steep cliffs strain my legs but they are always conquered by my stride
Dreadful walls stand looming over me
but I know all walls are capable of falling

I know you are tired
I know you don't get any sleep
I am sorry

I am sorry I don't treat you well
because I truly don't think it matters
I don't know how long I will be here
All my luck could give out
leaving me at the bottom
feeling as if I belong there eternally

A fruition of a secret plan that  I have been building for years
A dive into the depths of true isolation
removing myself from those who could miss me
disappearing without them noticing

I'm tired
I'm alone
No one can help me in this way
A way that is locked within me
as I stand in the way blocking the path to freedom

I need to sleep
I'll feel better tomorrow

Riding our aunt guard poultry
is dust riding on sense woods
Doe cut sever few aught
came water ye dew his ****

Hats that fly hid
Fate run fright

Speak in code
trying to not say
what I mean

Stay inside
I can hear the rain
go away

go online
see what people say
a mistake

my back hurts
I shift in my seat
it still hurts

energy within
bright face looking back at me
turn off the TV

It is dark
I should go outside
I am out

smells like ****
the smell of the air
grow from ****

side by side
suburban living
the lifestyle

what is there
under that building
I don't care

chest rattles
kick out the arches
move forward

strong tree branch
my prismatic friend
please don't break

crawl on me
I can feel your legs
treat me well

tree to tree
a slaughter of twigs
the kings loom

sit on the hard ground
uncomfortable and longing
this is all I get

Time to love life with all your heart
Let your eyes feel the day's mind turn to night
Things left to find beyond a long lost light
People's souls reflect the face of pain
Lost thoughts in a good head
keep smiling inside for the sun
with hands in a place that can hold hope
but wishing that the hand might fall
as man's body leaves to live
and beautiful dark sin can hear the thoughts
as cold tears fall hard from the broken sky

And you will ask me, Why?

What am I doing?

Some will say nothing
Most will say nothing
Even sometimes I say nothing

What am I to do?

Some will say something
Most will say something

I still say nothing

His story is boring and long,
full of contradictors, who played
little to no purpose

The ending, oh that ending
predictable, and again, had
little to no purpose

I am… I am… A failure
He said

Never saw him again
but that tall tale he told
stays with me
no matter how bad

She sat alone with the child of her true love. A true love that will never love her back. Her eyes lift heavy with tears to a reflection of herself on the wall. Pain that only she can see, and only through a lens of tears.

Tired of her selfish view, her eyes tried to focus away from the broken face of emptiness, to focus on a picture of her love smiling beside her. His face frozen with a smile and eyes glimmering in perfect joy of the moment.

With a blink and wipe of her wrist, her eyes focused again to the image of a young girl crying on the ground. Feeling lost within life and herself, having to guide the last remainder of her love to a hopeful life to one unlike her own. She looks back at the photo that is gently placed in the plastic frame, at the photo of a man that had taken her spirit. With the face he will have forever.

And in the corner of her eye, sitting broken on the floor, a reflection of the face she too will have forever.

I witness the memories that I no longer have
refreshed new with refracted eye
youth be revisited, I fall in love again
frame after enamored frame
I recall upon your archaic name
filling the room with quantum spirits
lives together in symbiotic dreams
And for one moment, I am alive
over and over again
I find myself
and I am with you

unrealized movements
inside of one's own head–
quaking knees and twitching hands
sitting slouched and rocking

Spine starts to slide–
relief is but a brief afterthought
as the proper gesture arises
the soles are unearthed

Starting to move as if it can stand
Its inevitable move forward

Get up, time to go

If this poem ended up in an anthology,
that would be cool–
Then people would have to read this in school

The Sun is so hot
against my protected skin,
the heat is intense and I burn
from the overwhelming waves–
This, I am not made for.

I find the Sun beautiful
and on nicer days
I enjoy her gentile heat,
but the climate of today
had the Sun turn me red.

I curse the Sun
I reject the heat,
but if the sun was to leave,
then the darkness
would make me too cold.

The harbinger of death lives above my bed
holding the rumors of those once said
though every night I hear the screams
ones so sharp they pierce my dreams
I feel the comfort in her glowing eyes
and gripping my soul every time she flies
as soon as I lay my head to rest
she rids my room of unwanted guests
when the shadows invade the ending day
the harbinger of death shall find its prey

The storm has caught us in its eye
stranded in the sullen seas
as the tears of heaven fall from the sky
echoes grow from our last goodbyes
we all clench tightly dried leaves
holding on to the memories of our land
as they crumble into the breeze
we feel our breath begin to freeze
no more songs for this broken band
no more strength in their weak hands
our hearts now sink below the waves
leaving behind a hollow shell
fading visions turn to haze
surrender to darkness within these caves
there is no more tale in which to tell
forever lost in this darkness in which we fell

Silent guitar on the wall
voice of passion and stories of the heart.
You are the tool of my youth,
the path to the hearts
of loves once passed

You know my hands better than I,
every motion, my grace, my limits.
You feel the beating of my heart
and the pain of my growth.

But now the notes have faded and the songs forgotten,
all memories replaced by others.
The sounds have subsided to only
tinkering of frustration.

Leading to you to become
The silent guitar on the wall

We are trapped in our own river of Time
being pushed forward faster the longer we live
We can see behind us to where we have been
before us we can only guess what will come
There is madness being thrown into the rapids
confusion and disorientation fills my mind
as the cold feelings fill my lungs and heart

I long to sit in a steady pool of water
a lake of peace or an endless ocean
anything to stop this maddening journey
I cannot keep up with the speed of the water
everything that I was has washed away
I am drowning in Time, the present does not exist
constantly moving forward, nothing is now

[part 1 - The Depending of Rescue]

I've waited so long for you
to take me to the place where light came through
all this time I thought you would save me
But together we were stuck in this dark sea

Myself so lost in this tearing tide
only to find, I was not alone inside
fighting the waves to get free
growing powers grew deep down in me

[part 2 - Becoming Atlas]

Im out into the sky beyond the stars
looking down at the land so far
lost souls still trapped behind
I came back for you, I have to find

Spend my life searching and saving
to stop my heart from this painful raging
help those stand on the land I have found
your still lost in the black, quiet is the sound

I see your eyes, so bright as the brightest night star
Drifting away from my hand, floating so far
Ive spent my life so long to bring you to shore
I cannot stop its what I'm existing for

[part 3 - The Distraction]

In search for you I have saved so much
millions have felt my graceful touch
they plead for me to guide them away
So many I lead to see a new day

Shining light over their homes
making them feel the warmth in their souls
Starting a future that they can live in
But with all my power, I cannot find where you've been

bound by duties you slip away from me
away from view, and deeper into the sea
The older I grow the more of you I miss
but all these feelings I am forced to dismiss

[Part 4 - Atlas Relinquished]

Strength has raged within in my blood
my veins are dried while my emotions flood
away from my heart into the night
tired by the constant shine of light

Broken labored hands are laid to rest
after long years of might's test
exasperation falls over my will
want nothing more to forever be still

I can no longer help to build
I lay slowly upon the field
body and soul unable to lift
watching the world, still, it sits

Time bleeds the force out of life
Leaving baron bodies cold and hollow
Every breath took is one breath gone
The tide forcing us in
The shore leaving behind
Salt in the water is the salt in the hourglass
Passing by never to be seen again
Collecting, building castles on shores that will fall to the pressure of time
Lost in the oceans growing older and colder
Ice collecting, time slows and slows
Frozen waters reflects bright lights
Blinded looking ahead blinded looking back
Nothing left but waiting the timeless wait
Trapped, still, at the end of time forever